It's now been 8 days since I had any meth. What helped me stick to the intended break was the thought of the hassle of having to get more. Of course, the other reason I decided I HAD to do it was the fact that I knew that I had 2 (now 1) week of traffic school from 6p10p each Wednesday. I've been fighting with the chronic fatigue, but still, again THANK GOD I haven't had to deal with the dreaded apathy that often accompanies meth come down or feel the way I felt when I was reducing my Tramadol intake. So, the only drugs I've had that are "fun" are my Rx painkillers. They, again thank God, soften the blow from the meth come down, although it was VERY tempting to go score even a dime just so I could get through my damned day shift on Tuesday.
My patient is now very angry and rowdy because he is deprived from running, due to his fucking cast from his knee surgery. The thing that sucks is that he's gonna be like that for WEEKS, UGGGGH! I did tell my patient's mom that I would be taking Tuesdays off the last 2 wks of June. That helps soften the blow of having to deal with him. He really wore me out, I could have USED a very small amount of speed to deal with him, but I refrained, mainly because of the bloody panick attacks I suffer if I have to drive. A very minute amount doesn't hurt me, sort of like when I was taking one diet pill a day to lose weight, but didn't want to chance it. I came very close to shining on the traffic school I was required to attend tonight, mainly because I'm so tired. I came home from work Tuesday at about 9pm, went straight to bed, stayed there until 5:30pm, when I left for the school.
I'm glad I did go and now am dreading this other stupid fucked up CPR class I'm required to take which is 4 hrs long. I can't work without it, and it's just another bullshit thing I have to do before the end of the month. Every other year it comes around, and every other year I hate it. It's fucking CPR, pretty basic stuff, I'm tired of it, plus I guess I'll have to actually go to them instead of them coming to me as in the past. The lady I hired the last 3 times moved to Arizona, great. Sigh. Whatever, another bullshit thing I hate to do that has to be done. Once I finish the traffic school next week, the point for speeding will be off my record. I'm feeling ok now, slightly buzzed from my Rx. I left the house at 3:30am this morning for a trip to the pharmacy. As always, I gave them a couple days to refill the script, thank God my doc is REALLY good about authorizing the refills right away.
I've been making 45 pills last at least 10 or 11 days, which is good for me. Of course as soon as I came home 10 minutes later, I knew Mom would be confronting me. "Where did you go?," she asked. "To get drugs," I said. "To get drugs? You mean the 24 hr pharmacy right around the corner?," she had to verify. "Yes mother," I said. She's not exactly thrilled about the prospect of me being on "real" drugs again, but anything as long as I'm not on that dreaded crystal meth as far as she is concerned. I see her point, but as I told Dave who dropped off the $60 for the mushrooms I paid him for 6 months ago, that never came through. "Lately I am sick and goddamned tired of the IRS, probation, medical and dental bills, plus the medical insurance itself, the auto insurance (which I couldn't pay last month) the auto maintainance, FUCK. I get no damn paid vacation or sick time and it seems like all I ever do is pay THESE goddamned motherfuckers, fuck."
It felt good to vent to Dave. "Yeah makes you want to go back to taking drugs again," he said. Yeah, haha. He wasn't a bit surprised when I told him I'd been a wee bit off the wagon on and off the past 6 wks, although, as before when I WAS following my meth slamming schedule, an enforced schedule of some sort with me, is mandatory. I am actually glad for the fact I DID and AM taking at least a 3 wk break, who knows maybe longer. Probably the best time to take another mini vacation will be the 2 wks in June I'm taking off on Tuesdays at the end of the month. There's more to life than paying all these Tom, Dick, and Harry's. I'd love to make a little extra cash on the side on the PC from home, but that got me fucked up the ass without lubrication. Guess I won't be trying that again, except who knows, perhpas I'll sell shit on EBAY the way my friend Amy the chiropracter did. Aimee, my best friend, the junkie tried what I did, and she's the one that warned me about the scam these dick heads pulled. Now, I gotta see bout getting my damn money back, hopefully I can, as they blatantly lied about the actual charges. Anyway, that's bout it for now.
I got to get on about the business of writing these IRS, probation, and student loan people to get off my fuckin case. I'm not even buying shit, and there's still way more bills than income for me, which pisses me off. I'd like someday too, to not have Mother Warden monitoring my activities day and night, Christ I'm 44 NOT 15.
My patient is now very angry and rowdy because he is deprived from running, due to his fucking cast from his knee surgery. The thing that sucks is that he's gonna be like that for WEEKS, UGGGGH! I did tell my patient's mom that I would be taking Tuesdays off the last 2 wks of June. That helps soften the blow of having to deal with him. He really wore me out, I could have USED a very small amount of speed to deal with him, but I refrained, mainly because of the bloody panick attacks I suffer if I have to drive. A very minute amount doesn't hurt me, sort of like when I was taking one diet pill a day to lose weight, but didn't want to chance it. I came very close to shining on the traffic school I was required to attend tonight, mainly because I'm so tired. I came home from work Tuesday at about 9pm, went straight to bed, stayed there until 5:30pm, when I left for the school.
I'm glad I did go and now am dreading this other stupid fucked up CPR class I'm required to take which is 4 hrs long. I can't work without it, and it's just another bullshit thing I have to do before the end of the month. Every other year it comes around, and every other year I hate it. It's fucking CPR, pretty basic stuff, I'm tired of it, plus I guess I'll have to actually go to them instead of them coming to me as in the past. The lady I hired the last 3 times moved to Arizona, great. Sigh. Whatever, another bullshit thing I hate to do that has to be done. Once I finish the traffic school next week, the point for speeding will be off my record. I'm feeling ok now, slightly buzzed from my Rx. I left the house at 3:30am this morning for a trip to the pharmacy. As always, I gave them a couple days to refill the script, thank God my doc is REALLY good about authorizing the refills right away.
I've been making 45 pills last at least 10 or 11 days, which is good for me. Of course as soon as I came home 10 minutes later, I knew Mom would be confronting me. "Where did you go?," she asked. "To get drugs," I said. "To get drugs? You mean the 24 hr pharmacy right around the corner?," she had to verify. "Yes mother," I said. She's not exactly thrilled about the prospect of me being on "real" drugs again, but anything as long as I'm not on that dreaded crystal meth as far as she is concerned. I see her point, but as I told Dave who dropped off the $60 for the mushrooms I paid him for 6 months ago, that never came through. "Lately I am sick and goddamned tired of the IRS, probation, medical and dental bills, plus the medical insurance itself, the auto insurance (which I couldn't pay last month) the auto maintainance, FUCK. I get no damn paid vacation or sick time and it seems like all I ever do is pay THESE goddamned motherfuckers, fuck."
It felt good to vent to Dave. "Yeah makes you want to go back to taking drugs again," he said. Yeah, haha. He wasn't a bit surprised when I told him I'd been a wee bit off the wagon on and off the past 6 wks, although, as before when I WAS following my meth slamming schedule, an enforced schedule of some sort with me, is mandatory. I am actually glad for the fact I DID and AM taking at least a 3 wk break, who knows maybe longer. Probably the best time to take another mini vacation will be the 2 wks in June I'm taking off on Tuesdays at the end of the month. There's more to life than paying all these Tom, Dick, and Harry's. I'd love to make a little extra cash on the side on the PC from home, but that got me fucked up the ass without lubrication. Guess I won't be trying that again, except who knows, perhpas I'll sell shit on EBAY the way my friend Amy the chiropracter did. Aimee, my best friend, the junkie tried what I did, and she's the one that warned me about the scam these dick heads pulled. Now, I gotta see bout getting my damn money back, hopefully I can, as they blatantly lied about the actual charges. Anyway, that's bout it for now.
I got to get on about the business of writing these IRS, probation, and student loan people to get off my fuckin case. I'm not even buying shit, and there's still way more bills than income for me, which pisses me off. I'd like someday too, to not have Mother Warden monitoring my activities day and night, Christ I'm 44 NOT 15.