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  • Trip Reports Moderator: Cheshire_Kat

LSD-v. exp/clonazepam v. exp/alprazolam v. v. v. exp. So much for LSD graduation

PhenethylTrypta

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 3, 2005
Messages
129
Location
Chicago
So as some of you may have read, I had a rather usually trip on the 9th of March on 7 hits. Read the report if you're interested. Well, tonight as I was working on me psy101 proj for college (a research survey and written report) on the possible correlation between dualtiy and non-duality in relationship to a) the belief in the mind existing outside of the body without form or b) the belief that the mind is a physical illusion created by complex neural communication networks and complex neurotransmitter synapses. (Excuse my wording, I've just dosed 9 hits of pretty potent blotter) This polarity versus oneness struggle has got me confused.

I don't know where the urge came from. Possibly the peacefulness brought on by the bezno combo, but i felt like taking a dive; a deep dive into whatever depths the substance feelsl like taking me. I dosed apx. 30-45 minutes ago and this batch has a tendency to come up in about 1-2 hours so we'll see how it goes. I've no fear, no worries, perfect, safe setting at my house, no obligations until monday and a moderate supply of alprazolam in case of emergency. It was an extremely impulsive decision, but unlike my previous report, i'm well aware of my dosing. I'm extremely curious as to where this trip will guide me. Or should I say take me. Either way, depends on how I handle it. This definatley isn't weak blotter as I'm moderately experienced and can tell when I've gotten a weak batch. I'd say 9 hits would be apx equivolent to 4-5 hits of superb blotter. I've never dosed this high. 7 hits being my highest so this is quite the experiement. I love the fact that my stomach tension and come up anxiety is nearly absent due to the benzos. A perfect synergy if thats an issue for you. It certainly is for me. I'd love to recieve numerous replies and I will surely revisit my computer and update you all on how its all going. Its comin...

I can't help but wonder what is in store...
 
It's now 1:30am on March 20th. It's late and I'm exhausted, but what a tale I have to tell. Hope you'll all enjoy. I'll be writing it tomorrow.
 
Just don't forget that we don't allow half trip reports in here, and with all fairness, you've got 24 hours from (my) now... :)
 
does that mean he tripped for 48 hours? he started on 18th at 8pm and finished on 20th at 1:30am....

that is a long trip
 
Alright, alright. I've seemed to have developed some sudden form of narcolepsy. Prior to my latest experience with LSD, I'd been using amphetamine in the form of generic adderall at doses ranging from 50-100+mg daily in order to continuously generate the ideas I'd been coming up with lately. It resulted in going days without sleep, five days at the most, for over a month. I've no motivation to write this report because suddenly I'm bound to my suseptibility to sleep and laziness. BUT! I shall try my best.

I believe after going five days straight with approximately 4 hours of sleep I finally gave in. Actually, I consumed 70mg amphetamine, waited for day number six, but within minutes fell sound asleep for a good 8 hours. The next day I felt refreshed and went to class as usual. I've been working dilligently on this group psychology project and late that night, the 17th, I'd began to struggle. Should I continue my enlongated wake-cylce and work day and night on this or should I take a few benzos, work out what I can until the euphoric benzo haze takes control? I opted for a few klonopins and xanax and soon...FUCK that project! What a relief this is! Somewhere in that haze, I remembered my stash and how a high dose of LSD sounded like a good idea in such a calm state. I struggled with it for some time until around 3am. I go to its cool, dark home and cut off a hit from a full 10 strip. I bring back the 9 attached blotters to my room and dose with glee and anticipation.

No fear. No anxiety. Let the good times roll and show me everything!

Well, at some point I came on here to document the fact that I'd done what I'd done. Obviously, I never returned. What happened between then and a certain point that I begin to recall events easier is hard to tell. I know this much:

I went back to my room and let the ancient electricity flow through all the wires of my physical and spiritual being. I stumbled about my room searching desperately for Lateralus, but it was lost. I settled for Anemia and sunk into whatever depths I could sink. However, I wasn't satisfied. I then turned to Nymphetamine. Most people who trip and who know who cradle of filth is would never willingly combine the two unless they were 110% aware of what they were doing. (Definately not an adviseable combo for any first timer. I'd aliken this watching the ring on LSD.) I wasn't terrified in anyway, the music was beautiful, but it simply wasn't what I was searching for.

So I put on a coat, grabbed my smokes, and headed outdoors. I walked down the street, but realized that this street was just as much not where I wanted to be as the music was. I traveled back a short distance back into my house. The visuals were extremely intense to say the least, but of little importance to me at the time. They were beautiful, but obstructing. I wasn't caught up in a bad trip as I've had my share. This was a franic search led by my unconscious mind. My conscious mind and my physical body simply did what it said.

I can't say what happened exactly after this because I don't know. But something was abscent and my mind was in panic, desperately wanting the presense of this missing element. Finally, I realized it. Love. My identity as I knew it had fractured into pieces and been sucked into the massive collection of unknown-doesn't-matteredness. How do I put this?

If this universe and all the energy, mass, air, people and clouds in it are the construct of a single, eternal, lonley nothingness that has lost itself in the ultimate game of hide-and-seek; hiding FROM and seeking OUT it's "self", then we are all fractured pieces of the same puzzle, believing day-to-day that we are fundamentally different from one another. Well, instead of simply realizing this truth as I have on many occasions both on psychedelics and while completely sober, deep in thought, I began seeing through the eyes of "Jason" as the self at play with it's self. I knew this body because it was of my creation, but I saw no significance in it. I knew the house I was in because it was of my own creation, but I again saw no significance. I spoke "words" but they came with no thinking. I thought thoughts but they came with no thinking. I knew nothing of this, my creation of everything. I saw a phone and dialed. A voice answered and I pleaded with it. I needed to know if it was the resonense (sp?) of my true love, myself, my dual connection.

In reality it was my girlfriend, Nancy. She made it over to my house as soon as she could and wrapped her body around me, comforting me, nursing me. Such beauty. I saw her, I knew her, I knew the name Nancy, but it wasn't her face or her touch that was of familiarity. It was the gaze in her eyes. It was myself looking though the eyes of another into the eyes of this being I possessed. Like creation to destruction, the planets to the stars, the brilliant to the darkness, I saw infinitely into my design and there was my love.

She found all of this difficult to take in, but soothed me for hours, like a mother lovely hushing and caressing her wailing child. There was an understanding and an eternal bond that linked the two of us deep, deep, DEEP within and infinitely outward. We were all there is and ever was.

Eventually she had to leave to take care of some things and I gradually returned to "Jason" and the house he'd lived in for nearly twenty years of his life. I sat in my car, in the the driveway, and smoked a pack of cigarettes; a toast to the beauty of this end of winter morning, birds swimming about in the aether in harmony to the tunes of insects starting their routines. The sun ruling over us all, but sitting there, I knew nothing ruled over this magnificent operation. It's only a game. It's only a game. And for a while there, I remembered why I'd created it all. I remembered the lonliness of a vast nothingness. I remembered "who I was" and by doing so, I had to forget "who I think I am". <That concept is something some people will get and others won't. I won't get into it here as this isn't a place reserved for zen buddhism or yoga meditation. It was very real and verified my understanding of this universe we all live in.

The visuals were amazing, but I would never do them the injustice of trying to put words to them here. If you wish to see that sort of dancing imagery I suggest a flight of your own. It was a beautiful experience and a very reassuring one that brought deep insight into the big "why" I'm always asking. It was amazing to see through those eyes again.

That's it for now. I'm tired as hell, so I'm sorry if it wasn't the best it could be. These sorts of experiences are not easy to capture with words.
 
PhenethylTrypta said:
I remembered "who I was" and by doing so, I had to forget "who I think I am". <That concept is something some people will get and others won't. I

Again a very Kesey/Huxley observation. They both saw that conditioning, education and civilization forced humans to shut down their brains to a trikle of information because it is more effecient and thus humans are better able to survive in the world. They beleived that psychedelics opened the "Doors Of Perception" (Huxley) and allowed the brain to take in all information as it came, but they also acknowledged that this leads to one realizing that what they have thought themselves to be there whole lives are infact just constructs of society that smother their true humanity. If this is what you meant I am again astounded by the similarities of your discoveries to those of these geniuses, or did I mis the point completely.

Anyway, another fantastic report, but I would have liked you to at least try to describe the visuals, but I respect that you respect them so much as to not "defile" them. Keep taking psychedelics, and keep writing reports about them.
 
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