lastnight
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 14, 2007
- Messages
- 158
there ARE questions at the end of this, i promise
i did 2 hits (on normal sized blotter paper - the first around 10 or 11pm and the second around 12 or 1am) of what i thought was lsd this past tuesday night. the blotter was bitter and the come up took a very long time - at least 3 hours, and was followed by what i assume feels like a weak amphetamine rush (i've never tried amps). i was grabbing at my clothing, chewing on my lips, sweating a little bit, and pacing around. i also got pretty horny for the first hour. i can barely remember what i did all night - my girlfriend had taken one hit and went to sleep because she hadn't felt anything. it wasn't pleasant. i felt like babbling/hissing in a made up language. this continued from around 1 or 2 until 6 or 7 the next morning when i finally started experiencing visual differences.
i took a shower and sat outside for a while. my perception of reality felt a bit fucked; i'd been waiting for the ego-death of lsd but still trying not to expect anything particular. i didn't reach any profound mindspace, and i didn't feel as happy or connected to my surroundings as i'd expected to. what i felt was more psychosis than a trip. i felt like i could see the (very mild) vibrations of things around me. the shower took a lot of effort and definitely wasn't an enjoyable experience. i've got dreads that take a loooong time to dry, too, and the damp head made the rest of the day a bit unpleasant.
i had commitments all day, but i'd figured that the lsd would be gone well before 1:30pm (wed). the trip just seemed to get stronger from 7am on, and the idea of driving my mom and sister around all day was PAINFUL. i wasn't even sure if i should be driving, but i wasn't hallucinating whatsoever (although, i was disoriented and confused) so i opted to drive rather than admit to my mom that i was probably fucked. i realize that this was an extremely bad and irresponsible decision - i don't need to be told.
i should also mention that i had been sick for the past 2 weeks with what i'd assumed was sinusitis. i'd been getting bad sinus headaches and distorted hearing. my hearing was particularly messed (including a deafening ringing) every time i got stoned. my hearing on [i'm just going to refer to it as] lsd was even more confusing. i felt like i was outdoors at all times; i could even hear the birds and sound of the 'space' outside while i was indoors. sound aside, i 'felt' that i was outdoors even while indoors. the pressure in my head was disorienting and the noise was confusing. i'm almost certain that all the confusion and audile distortion that i experienced can be attributed to my sickness rather than the drug.
i got worse throughout the day, developing some nausea. i hadn't eaten since around 7 the night before and had no desire to do so.
i drove my mom to work and took my sister to the hospital for an appointment with her psychiatrist. sitting in the mental health wing of the hospital while feeling pretty fucked out of my mind was one of the most unnerving experiences of my life. i was completely paranoid (which i attributed to worrying about the extended trip and the possibility of my anti-drug sister and mom finding out. i've never experienced paranoia on ANY substance before), and worrying that i'd never get my previous mindset back. my sister used to party pretty hard and started having panic attacks after smoking some laced weed. she's been a COMPLETE wreck ever since, and i was worried that the same had happened to me.
i'd dropped the acid after a lot of excitement and mental preparation. i've been meditating a lot lately and thinking about the nature of reality and my perception of such. i went into the experience with a clear, happy, and enthusiastic mind, but fairly low expectations (since i'd done 2 hits, about a year ago, with no results whatsoever - due to the effexor and zyprexa i was on. i've been off anti-depressants and mood stabilizers for quite a while now, though). i thought that maybe my intense desire to have some mind-altering experience had somehow lessened my trip, or that my bizarre notions of reality had somehow driven me to insanity. i wrestled with the idea that this reality had been created [in its entirety] by me; that everything was inconsequential. i've always felt that 'the universe', reality, everything we 'know' is in fact 'one'. everything and nothing. i can't even begin to explain what i mean, but i'm sure that talking to seasoned drug users - some of you might understand what i'm getting at. i thought that maybe everything i was experiencing was actually a hallucination - one in which i'd have to kill myself by the end to 'experience ego death'.
i felt an intense connection to my sister. she panics in cars, under bright lights, and at the mention of poisoning or drug use. i felt like i could finally understand her fear and paranoia fully, although, not through the same stimuli. i'll never question her again.
i think this trip could've been thoroughly enjoyable if i hadn't had any commitments, and if i wasn't around my mom and sister.
i was separated from my girlfriend all day, she had an appointment, and my thoughts OBSESSIVELY revolved around getting back to her - the entire day. being separated from her fucked me up; normally i'm not too clingy or dependent. she was the only one that knew what i'd taken, and i felt like i needed her to retain my sanity.
i took my mom to work and my sister to the hospital. she was told to get her blood tested, and i'd also had to get a blood test (to check for and rule-out thyroid disfunction), so we did it together. giving blood on lsd was a stupid idea. after the blood clinic we drove home and i tried to nap for the hour before picking up my mom, but there was no hope of sleep. i tried to play my didgeridoo for a while and it calmed me down. actually, it was a lot of fun! time went SO slowly (painfully slow, as ALL i wanted to do was get back to my girl), and i almost felt that 'time' didn't exist at all. driving felt like it took a long time to travel short distances, but it was SO beautiful and would've been really enjoyable were i not driving.
picking my mom up at work was intense. i had to talk to a lot of people (including to an old friend who was on the other end of a cell phone which was forced into my hands), and it really tripped me out. my mom asked why my pupils were so big - i hadn't noticed, but they definitely felt dilated. we dropped my sister off to tan and drove to the pharmacy (which is in the grocery store) to drop off a prescription. i told my mom that i was feeling nauseous and separated from reality. she's into 'new age' things - so i figured she'd understand/believe me if i said that i felt disconnected due to meditation. she gave me a hematite anklet to hold on to and 'ground' me - i clung to it desperately for the remainder of the day. next she forced me to go to the walk-in clinic. at this point i was calling my girl around every 10 min or less because i was too confused to understand what was happening to me. i couldn't understand WHY my mother had abandoned me at the doctors. she was supposed to go back to pick my sister up, but when i looked over the railing by the walk-in clinic i found her shopping! it tripped me the fuck out. i didn't understand what she was doing. 20 minutes felt like an eternity. i had no idea what to say to the doctor. i was rushed in immediately, and when the nurse led me into the room the doctor was already waiting. i told him that my hearing had been bothering me, and that i just 'didn't feel right'. he checked me (which seemed to go INSANELY quickly) and told me that i had strep throat. i couldn't comprehend what he was telling me: my throat didn't hurt at all (although, my pain tolerance has always been dangerously high, and my lymph nodes had been swollen). my tongue was coated in a nasty white layer. i immediately forgot everything he'd said to me after he'd said it. i asked repeatedly: "so, this is all that's wrong? antibiotics are going to fix my hearing and my head?" he assured me that i had strep (badly) and rushed me out. when i left i found my mom paying for her groceries - i couldn't understand why she hadn't left yet. we dropped off my prescription and went to pick my sister up.
at this point the need to see my girlfriend felt absolutely DESPERATE. she'd promised me that she was going to take care of me and that she'd make us veggie burgers to picnic outside with. she'd been at my house for the past 3 days, and driven 40min back home for her appointment, so i didn't want her to have to come back here. i was adamant about going to see her, but it was taking an eternity and my mom was trying to convince me that i was too sick to leave.
we sat for what seemed like forever as the pharmacist explained our medications to us. i was just wreathing in my seat; i was also getting really nauseous and feverish. one of my pupils looked a lot larger than the other.
i had a lot of trouble collecting myself and leaving for my girlfriends. i wasn't sure if i had things that i needed, and it was hard to 'act' on my intention of leaving (even though i wanted it more than anything). i finally managed to leave. the drive was the most amazing/beautiful of my life. i'd compare it to the sense of comfort, well-being, and beauty that i get on mushrooms. everything looked like it was 'supposed to look' (if this were to be my fantasy world). i was still a little uncomfortable driving, though. i was confident in my ability, i just worried about whether or not i was seeing reality. things just seemed to work themselves out perfectly throughout the day, too. it felt like i was making my own reality - honestly, EVERYTHING worked out perfectly. it felt like a puzzle which was coming together gradually. i had an amazing night after the gorgeous drive (outdoors continued to look beautiful for the rest of the night), but i couldn't stop crying. i was a afraid that everything i knew was about to end. i wanted to get to 'the truth', but i was afraid of what i'd find because i was afraid that 'the truth' wouldn't include my girlfriend. i was still worrying that the world was a delusion i'd created and that when i 'woke up' i'd be alone.
i found it very difficult to eat just one veggie burger, and then we sat down to 'so you think you can dance'. tv was VERY enjoyable (it tripped me out quite a bit - and i very rarely like watching tv). i became very emotional and needed to call my mom to make sure she was alright and happy. i promised my girlfriend that we'd stop doing drugs (we broke it. already. but i plan on cleaning my life up quite a bit). i took a sleeping pill and finally got to sleep around midnight.
i was so confused throughout the entire latter-half (during the day) experience.
so now that i'm at the end of my novel, my question is - do you think that the confusion/psychosis was a result of being [apparently very] sick, quite possibly with a fever, and lacking sleep, or simply the drugs? it felt like it lasted over 24 hours after dropping the first hit. i understand that bluelight isn't a place for drug identification (feel free to delete this - but arguably - this is more of a report than a 'identify this!' and i have the sickness question, too), but just tell me - do you think that my lsd was actually lsd? i also understand that experiences are entirely dependent on what your mind chooses to make of them and your environment.
i'm very doubtful that i had acid - because of the experience, the slow come up, long duration, and the bitter taste. i know the guy who i got it off of somewhat well, but he seemed pretty rushed to get rid of them. perhaps someone could give me a few drug possibilities to research
, or share similar experiences.
eeez.
i did 2 hits (on normal sized blotter paper - the first around 10 or 11pm and the second around 12 or 1am) of what i thought was lsd this past tuesday night. the blotter was bitter and the come up took a very long time - at least 3 hours, and was followed by what i assume feels like a weak amphetamine rush (i've never tried amps). i was grabbing at my clothing, chewing on my lips, sweating a little bit, and pacing around. i also got pretty horny for the first hour. i can barely remember what i did all night - my girlfriend had taken one hit and went to sleep because she hadn't felt anything. it wasn't pleasant. i felt like babbling/hissing in a made up language. this continued from around 1 or 2 until 6 or 7 the next morning when i finally started experiencing visual differences.
i took a shower and sat outside for a while. my perception of reality felt a bit fucked; i'd been waiting for the ego-death of lsd but still trying not to expect anything particular. i didn't reach any profound mindspace, and i didn't feel as happy or connected to my surroundings as i'd expected to. what i felt was more psychosis than a trip. i felt like i could see the (very mild) vibrations of things around me. the shower took a lot of effort and definitely wasn't an enjoyable experience. i've got dreads that take a loooong time to dry, too, and the damp head made the rest of the day a bit unpleasant.
i had commitments all day, but i'd figured that the lsd would be gone well before 1:30pm (wed). the trip just seemed to get stronger from 7am on, and the idea of driving my mom and sister around all day was PAINFUL. i wasn't even sure if i should be driving, but i wasn't hallucinating whatsoever (although, i was disoriented and confused) so i opted to drive rather than admit to my mom that i was probably fucked. i realize that this was an extremely bad and irresponsible decision - i don't need to be told.
i should also mention that i had been sick for the past 2 weeks with what i'd assumed was sinusitis. i'd been getting bad sinus headaches and distorted hearing. my hearing was particularly messed (including a deafening ringing) every time i got stoned. my hearing on [i'm just going to refer to it as] lsd was even more confusing. i felt like i was outdoors at all times; i could even hear the birds and sound of the 'space' outside while i was indoors. sound aside, i 'felt' that i was outdoors even while indoors. the pressure in my head was disorienting and the noise was confusing. i'm almost certain that all the confusion and audile distortion that i experienced can be attributed to my sickness rather than the drug.
i got worse throughout the day, developing some nausea. i hadn't eaten since around 7 the night before and had no desire to do so.
i drove my mom to work and took my sister to the hospital for an appointment with her psychiatrist. sitting in the mental health wing of the hospital while feeling pretty fucked out of my mind was one of the most unnerving experiences of my life. i was completely paranoid (which i attributed to worrying about the extended trip and the possibility of my anti-drug sister and mom finding out. i've never experienced paranoia on ANY substance before), and worrying that i'd never get my previous mindset back. my sister used to party pretty hard and started having panic attacks after smoking some laced weed. she's been a COMPLETE wreck ever since, and i was worried that the same had happened to me.
i'd dropped the acid after a lot of excitement and mental preparation. i've been meditating a lot lately and thinking about the nature of reality and my perception of such. i went into the experience with a clear, happy, and enthusiastic mind, but fairly low expectations (since i'd done 2 hits, about a year ago, with no results whatsoever - due to the effexor and zyprexa i was on. i've been off anti-depressants and mood stabilizers for quite a while now, though). i thought that maybe my intense desire to have some mind-altering experience had somehow lessened my trip, or that my bizarre notions of reality had somehow driven me to insanity. i wrestled with the idea that this reality had been created [in its entirety] by me; that everything was inconsequential. i've always felt that 'the universe', reality, everything we 'know' is in fact 'one'. everything and nothing. i can't even begin to explain what i mean, but i'm sure that talking to seasoned drug users - some of you might understand what i'm getting at. i thought that maybe everything i was experiencing was actually a hallucination - one in which i'd have to kill myself by the end to 'experience ego death'.
i felt an intense connection to my sister. she panics in cars, under bright lights, and at the mention of poisoning or drug use. i felt like i could finally understand her fear and paranoia fully, although, not through the same stimuli. i'll never question her again.
i think this trip could've been thoroughly enjoyable if i hadn't had any commitments, and if i wasn't around my mom and sister.
i was separated from my girlfriend all day, she had an appointment, and my thoughts OBSESSIVELY revolved around getting back to her - the entire day. being separated from her fucked me up; normally i'm not too clingy or dependent. she was the only one that knew what i'd taken, and i felt like i needed her to retain my sanity.
i took my mom to work and my sister to the hospital. she was told to get her blood tested, and i'd also had to get a blood test (to check for and rule-out thyroid disfunction), so we did it together. giving blood on lsd was a stupid idea. after the blood clinic we drove home and i tried to nap for the hour before picking up my mom, but there was no hope of sleep. i tried to play my didgeridoo for a while and it calmed me down. actually, it was a lot of fun! time went SO slowly (painfully slow, as ALL i wanted to do was get back to my girl), and i almost felt that 'time' didn't exist at all. driving felt like it took a long time to travel short distances, but it was SO beautiful and would've been really enjoyable were i not driving.
picking my mom up at work was intense. i had to talk to a lot of people (including to an old friend who was on the other end of a cell phone which was forced into my hands), and it really tripped me out. my mom asked why my pupils were so big - i hadn't noticed, but they definitely felt dilated. we dropped my sister off to tan and drove to the pharmacy (which is in the grocery store) to drop off a prescription. i told my mom that i was feeling nauseous and separated from reality. she's into 'new age' things - so i figured she'd understand/believe me if i said that i felt disconnected due to meditation. she gave me a hematite anklet to hold on to and 'ground' me - i clung to it desperately for the remainder of the day. next she forced me to go to the walk-in clinic. at this point i was calling my girl around every 10 min or less because i was too confused to understand what was happening to me. i couldn't understand WHY my mother had abandoned me at the doctors. she was supposed to go back to pick my sister up, but when i looked over the railing by the walk-in clinic i found her shopping! it tripped me the fuck out. i didn't understand what she was doing. 20 minutes felt like an eternity. i had no idea what to say to the doctor. i was rushed in immediately, and when the nurse led me into the room the doctor was already waiting. i told him that my hearing had been bothering me, and that i just 'didn't feel right'. he checked me (which seemed to go INSANELY quickly) and told me that i had strep throat. i couldn't comprehend what he was telling me: my throat didn't hurt at all (although, my pain tolerance has always been dangerously high, and my lymph nodes had been swollen). my tongue was coated in a nasty white layer. i immediately forgot everything he'd said to me after he'd said it. i asked repeatedly: "so, this is all that's wrong? antibiotics are going to fix my hearing and my head?" he assured me that i had strep (badly) and rushed me out. when i left i found my mom paying for her groceries - i couldn't understand why she hadn't left yet. we dropped off my prescription and went to pick my sister up.
at this point the need to see my girlfriend felt absolutely DESPERATE. she'd promised me that she was going to take care of me and that she'd make us veggie burgers to picnic outside with. she'd been at my house for the past 3 days, and driven 40min back home for her appointment, so i didn't want her to have to come back here. i was adamant about going to see her, but it was taking an eternity and my mom was trying to convince me that i was too sick to leave.
we sat for what seemed like forever as the pharmacist explained our medications to us. i was just wreathing in my seat; i was also getting really nauseous and feverish. one of my pupils looked a lot larger than the other.
i had a lot of trouble collecting myself and leaving for my girlfriends. i wasn't sure if i had things that i needed, and it was hard to 'act' on my intention of leaving (even though i wanted it more than anything). i finally managed to leave. the drive was the most amazing/beautiful of my life. i'd compare it to the sense of comfort, well-being, and beauty that i get on mushrooms. everything looked like it was 'supposed to look' (if this were to be my fantasy world). i was still a little uncomfortable driving, though. i was confident in my ability, i just worried about whether or not i was seeing reality. things just seemed to work themselves out perfectly throughout the day, too. it felt like i was making my own reality - honestly, EVERYTHING worked out perfectly. it felt like a puzzle which was coming together gradually. i had an amazing night after the gorgeous drive (outdoors continued to look beautiful for the rest of the night), but i couldn't stop crying. i was a afraid that everything i knew was about to end. i wanted to get to 'the truth', but i was afraid of what i'd find because i was afraid that 'the truth' wouldn't include my girlfriend. i was still worrying that the world was a delusion i'd created and that when i 'woke up' i'd be alone.
i found it very difficult to eat just one veggie burger, and then we sat down to 'so you think you can dance'. tv was VERY enjoyable (it tripped me out quite a bit - and i very rarely like watching tv). i became very emotional and needed to call my mom to make sure she was alright and happy. i promised my girlfriend that we'd stop doing drugs (we broke it. already. but i plan on cleaning my life up quite a bit). i took a sleeping pill and finally got to sleep around midnight.
i was so confused throughout the entire latter-half (during the day) experience.
so now that i'm at the end of my novel, my question is - do you think that the confusion/psychosis was a result of being [apparently very] sick, quite possibly with a fever, and lacking sleep, or simply the drugs? it felt like it lasted over 24 hours after dropping the first hit. i understand that bluelight isn't a place for drug identification (feel free to delete this - but arguably - this is more of a report than a 'identify this!' and i have the sickness question, too), but just tell me - do you think that my lsd was actually lsd? i also understand that experiences are entirely dependent on what your mind chooses to make of them and your environment.
i'm very doubtful that i had acid - because of the experience, the slow come up, long duration, and the bitter taste. i know the guy who i got it off of somewhat well, but he seemed pretty rushed to get rid of them. perhaps someone could give me a few drug possibilities to research
, or share similar experiences.eeez.
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