The past few days had been difficult. A long relationship ended... for the better, but it was as real as any physical pain. I decided I could really use a mild trip for introspection into some issues going on. So I started thinking and planning:
Blotters haven't been around lately, and upon calling a friend and discussing my desire to trip, he informed me they are back. I called a person who had bought the stuff but he hadn't tried it yet; said he'd let me know when he tripped that night. I've never ran into 5-meo-amt or bromo-d on a blotter but i always am cautious of the possibility.
Anyways, trying not to make the boring part long, he told me they were "decent" after he took 1.5. I don't like that word. maybe its from when i did dope and the bags were either "fire" or "decent" which basically means poor-fair. There was this, and mushrooms. After being convinced by him they were true cid and not some potentially dangerous RC, i purchase a 10 strip.
The Trip of a LIFETIME- final preparations
It was about 10C/50F outside, cool evening. I had the house to myself. I prepared some food/water/music for myself. I hadn't tripped alone in a while, although to me tripping is a very personal experience and sometimes best done alone or in quiet company-especially for introspection. I built a small fire near the house and gathered wood. At 6pm I eat 3 purple/white swirly blotters. I planned on a mild/moderate introspective trip, with too much stress in my life to consider a full on warp.
It begins...
I sit by the fire. My mood is somewhat depressed, but hopeful. The solitude is comforting but somewhat empty. I begin to feel the alien but familiar vibes creep around my body at 6:35. Usually when I can feel a psychedelic in my body, I have around 20 minutes before it noticeably alters my mind. This time was no exception; my thinking arena was larger and a bit quicker to dance from one subject to the next. I avoided stressful issues though, although it was becoming harder as my confused subconscious began to come to life.
I smoked a bowl of herb; this amped up the creativity level and made me feel more at ease. Sometimes it can cause me anxiety by itself but on psychs its usually fine. I start to drift off into some dark and borderline suicidal thoughts. After a few more minutes, I decide I need to divert attention elsewhere to protect my fragile-feeling ego.
The new Call of Duty MW2 experience
I figure the best way to divert attention from the dark that was appearing (but wasn't unexpected), was to play COD: MW2. I finally log in after many failed attempts (busy servers i guess) and start to kill people on deathmatch. I can't say whether my skills were increased or decreased, but I was definitely distracted by the very real looking scenery and sport-like atmosphere. I got 2nd place out of 8. It looked so strange... the graphics were mind blowing and it all seemed futuristic. Wish i could elaborate. I thought I could.. but i'm at a loss for words.
Head-mashed decisions
It was at 7:30, 90 minutes later, I realized I was in for more than a moderate trip. It kept getting more intense despite the fading cannabis high. I started to lose concepts of distance, space, time and objects. I laughed a lot during this brief period. I felt concerned though. My legs hurt when I walked, like i was stretching every vein and muscle to its snapping point.
At around 8pm, I was laying on the couch with the call of duty menu on screen, playing its odd music. I wanted to go to my room where my music was set up, but it seemed like such a long complicated process to go there and play the music. Did I really want music? I didn't know. My hands were dripping and I could see my skin color splat onto the couch. I wobble back to my room and press play after getting tired of the ominous menu music. I turn my laserpod on and stare at the ceiling.
Some time had passed. Maybe I was laying there for 10 minutes, maybe 3 hours. 'Was I conscious the whole time?', I wondered. I later figured from the song that was playing it was around 6 minutes. Memory loss was kicking in; I would be thinking of something that seemed important then i'd switch to something else and then wonder what was so important.
I pull out my bowl, herb and lighter and out drops the foil too. I study these 4 objects for a moment. 'Bowl- (picture of smoking it appeared in my mind), herb- (couldn't picture what it really was for but knew it was for putting in the bowl, possibly for relaxation) foil- (?) I open the foil and stare at the 7 actively swirling pieces. (?) what are these??? For some reason I didn't think of them as the inducer of my current altered state. I thought of them as some kind of strange medicine, i think. I went through in my mind possible options of what to do. Eat all of them? It then clicked in my head that it wouldn't be a bad idea-- "should be safe".
I eat the 7 hits and clumsily but carefully load the pipe and smoke. This was at 8:30, i remember taking note of the time even though i could barely understand what the numbers meant. I felt like it was important. it took me about 5 minutes to write the time down or so it seemed. i couldnt write numbers, i had to trace each line out and could barely see the paper because it was dancing with geometric shapes which popped in and out of the paper in 3d. For a brief moment i wondered if it mattered that the time changed since writing the first 2 digits. "insignificant" was my thought approximation. i stared at the writing, but didnt understand it. for a second it seemed that the numbers were hovering above a white hole that extended downward about a mile into a white cavern.
It really, really begins
I sat there spacing out to the great trance music but an anxiety fills me. I continue to avoid thinking about issues but couldn't stop the images associated with my stress. scenes would play out like a movie, mostly related to the breakup, but they were narrated and edited to look like a video they would play in a club for eye candy. suddenly my life felt very empty, but I didn't know what I was really missing or who i really was. I felt like a failure but couldn't pinpoint reasons. I started to wish I was sober, especially 15 minutes later when the papers took effect...
I would close my eyes and vanish into scenery that was beautiful but i felt overwhelmed. I first saw swirls of shapes and colors without landscapes, but those too soon appeared. I opened my eyes and the room looked as chaotic and entropic as the visions. the concept of entropy popped into my head and i contemptated the meaning of time.
my bed posts were smiling at me and waving in an imaginary wind which was blowing objects around, and making them expand and contract from the inside. everything started to have a face... not eyes and a mouth always, but it seemed like it did. the first fearful moment was when my dresser drawer was smiling at me, i smiled back. then it turned reddish and frowned and the drawer busted open fast and hard. i heard it and was convinced something supernatural just happened. I noticed it was open the next day but believe it already was and I had thought it wasn't. This is my last clear memory before my descent into out of body chaos.
War... i appear in one, but I have been here a long time and its all i know. I am a soldier fighting. This is real, I know this can't be fake although I do question it for a moment. I don't know who i am, there is no time to figure it out. I am holding an automatic rifle and they are coming. I don't know who. I am in a wooded-plains area, beside blue pillars that took the place of trees. the grass is green and real looking in the plains in front of me. Guys with straw hats, oh no... many of them, 20, 30, closing in about 200 yards away up the small slope of the plain. i look to my left and right. just many blue pillars on a changing green/purple perfectly flat and plastic looking ground.
I have a scope.. and take a look through it at the guys walking fast towards me. its zoom power is strong and i see them clearly. i hold in the trigger and popping sounds float out that gave vibrational disturbances to my visual field. the gun has no kick and i use the scope to knock many down. bullets glowing come towards me about the speed of a car... slowly. i jump behind the pillar. a scratching sound eminates from the blue pillar and it ripples like water on a pond.
"DEATH" i scream. its coming, i know it. my last few moments of existence. "DEATH!!!" i scream as i look out from the pillar and see a few guys closing in. i fire from the hip and hit all but 2 and the gun stops popping. a swishing sound is heard many times a second. i look down and see bullets flying through me, extremely graphically. my heart gets knocked out of my chest partially. many more holes pierce through and my guts fall out of my chest and back. I cry frantically and lay down in the brown and pink goo. When is it all going black, I wonder. The two men appoach me and laugh. They are asian with glowing eyes. These men are the givers of my eternal blackness, and I hate them but am more afraid. One mumbles some kind of goodbye and bullets are fired into my head. It jiggles me around and the scene fades to black. I am not sure, but i think after this "nightmare" i was unconscious for some time... or i don't remember it.
I open my eyes. the room is alive and swirling but a calmness has overtaken me. i am alive, and i realize it was all a 'dream'. the clock reads 12:07am. it appears i didn't leave my bed during this, or didnt leave evidence of doing so.
The rest of the trip i did get to spend some painful time introspecting. I'm not sure if it helped yet, but it seems that it will once I settle down from this. I could have written a book on this part, but it wouldn't be of much interest. It was intense and heart-breaking, to say the least.
I went to sleep around 8am, feeling relatively comfortable mentally.
My thoughts
I am surprised such a high dose gave a vivid experience with real world objects like guns, bullets and war. i think COD might have played a part in this. It seemed more real than waking life. If i could repeat this, I would have hidden the 7 hits away... it was intense in a bad way, and i forget most of it (or was unconscious). However, last night after smoking, i had a vivid flashback-type image appear in my head of being surrounded by blue bubbles and feeling like i existed as all of them at once. This may be a clue into a fraction of what went on during the "blackout" phase. I think it was a memory coming back, but it could have been a random post trip kink induced by the thc.
substancecode_lsd
Blotters haven't been around lately, and upon calling a friend and discussing my desire to trip, he informed me they are back. I called a person who had bought the stuff but he hadn't tried it yet; said he'd let me know when he tripped that night. I've never ran into 5-meo-amt or bromo-d on a blotter but i always am cautious of the possibility.
Anyways, trying not to make the boring part long, he told me they were "decent" after he took 1.5. I don't like that word. maybe its from when i did dope and the bags were either "fire" or "decent" which basically means poor-fair. There was this, and mushrooms. After being convinced by him they were true cid and not some potentially dangerous RC, i purchase a 10 strip.
The Trip of a LIFETIME- final preparations
It was about 10C/50F outside, cool evening. I had the house to myself. I prepared some food/water/music for myself. I hadn't tripped alone in a while, although to me tripping is a very personal experience and sometimes best done alone or in quiet company-especially for introspection. I built a small fire near the house and gathered wood. At 6pm I eat 3 purple/white swirly blotters. I planned on a mild/moderate introspective trip, with too much stress in my life to consider a full on warp.
It begins...
I sit by the fire. My mood is somewhat depressed, but hopeful. The solitude is comforting but somewhat empty. I begin to feel the alien but familiar vibes creep around my body at 6:35. Usually when I can feel a psychedelic in my body, I have around 20 minutes before it noticeably alters my mind. This time was no exception; my thinking arena was larger and a bit quicker to dance from one subject to the next. I avoided stressful issues though, although it was becoming harder as my confused subconscious began to come to life.
I smoked a bowl of herb; this amped up the creativity level and made me feel more at ease. Sometimes it can cause me anxiety by itself but on psychs its usually fine. I start to drift off into some dark and borderline suicidal thoughts. After a few more minutes, I decide I need to divert attention elsewhere to protect my fragile-feeling ego.
The new Call of Duty MW2 experience
I figure the best way to divert attention from the dark that was appearing (but wasn't unexpected), was to play COD: MW2. I finally log in after many failed attempts (busy servers i guess) and start to kill people on deathmatch. I can't say whether my skills were increased or decreased, but I was definitely distracted by the very real looking scenery and sport-like atmosphere. I got 2nd place out of 8. It looked so strange... the graphics were mind blowing and it all seemed futuristic. Wish i could elaborate. I thought I could.. but i'm at a loss for words.
Head-mashed decisions
It was at 7:30, 90 minutes later, I realized I was in for more than a moderate trip. It kept getting more intense despite the fading cannabis high. I started to lose concepts of distance, space, time and objects. I laughed a lot during this brief period. I felt concerned though. My legs hurt when I walked, like i was stretching every vein and muscle to its snapping point.
At around 8pm, I was laying on the couch with the call of duty menu on screen, playing its odd music. I wanted to go to my room where my music was set up, but it seemed like such a long complicated process to go there and play the music. Did I really want music? I didn't know. My hands were dripping and I could see my skin color splat onto the couch. I wobble back to my room and press play after getting tired of the ominous menu music. I turn my laserpod on and stare at the ceiling.
Some time had passed. Maybe I was laying there for 10 minutes, maybe 3 hours. 'Was I conscious the whole time?', I wondered. I later figured from the song that was playing it was around 6 minutes. Memory loss was kicking in; I would be thinking of something that seemed important then i'd switch to something else and then wonder what was so important.
I pull out my bowl, herb and lighter and out drops the foil too. I study these 4 objects for a moment. 'Bowl- (picture of smoking it appeared in my mind), herb- (couldn't picture what it really was for but knew it was for putting in the bowl, possibly for relaxation) foil- (?) I open the foil and stare at the 7 actively swirling pieces. (?) what are these??? For some reason I didn't think of them as the inducer of my current altered state. I thought of them as some kind of strange medicine, i think. I went through in my mind possible options of what to do. Eat all of them? It then clicked in my head that it wouldn't be a bad idea-- "should be safe".
I eat the 7 hits and clumsily but carefully load the pipe and smoke. This was at 8:30, i remember taking note of the time even though i could barely understand what the numbers meant. I felt like it was important. it took me about 5 minutes to write the time down or so it seemed. i couldnt write numbers, i had to trace each line out and could barely see the paper because it was dancing with geometric shapes which popped in and out of the paper in 3d. For a brief moment i wondered if it mattered that the time changed since writing the first 2 digits. "insignificant" was my thought approximation. i stared at the writing, but didnt understand it. for a second it seemed that the numbers were hovering above a white hole that extended downward about a mile into a white cavern.
It really, really begins
I sat there spacing out to the great trance music but an anxiety fills me. I continue to avoid thinking about issues but couldn't stop the images associated with my stress. scenes would play out like a movie, mostly related to the breakup, but they were narrated and edited to look like a video they would play in a club for eye candy. suddenly my life felt very empty, but I didn't know what I was really missing or who i really was. I felt like a failure but couldn't pinpoint reasons. I started to wish I was sober, especially 15 minutes later when the papers took effect...
I would close my eyes and vanish into scenery that was beautiful but i felt overwhelmed. I first saw swirls of shapes and colors without landscapes, but those too soon appeared. I opened my eyes and the room looked as chaotic and entropic as the visions. the concept of entropy popped into my head and i contemptated the meaning of time.
my bed posts were smiling at me and waving in an imaginary wind which was blowing objects around, and making them expand and contract from the inside. everything started to have a face... not eyes and a mouth always, but it seemed like it did. the first fearful moment was when my dresser drawer was smiling at me, i smiled back. then it turned reddish and frowned and the drawer busted open fast and hard. i heard it and was convinced something supernatural just happened. I noticed it was open the next day but believe it already was and I had thought it wasn't. This is my last clear memory before my descent into out of body chaos.
War... i appear in one, but I have been here a long time and its all i know. I am a soldier fighting. This is real, I know this can't be fake although I do question it for a moment. I don't know who i am, there is no time to figure it out. I am holding an automatic rifle and they are coming. I don't know who. I am in a wooded-plains area, beside blue pillars that took the place of trees. the grass is green and real looking in the plains in front of me. Guys with straw hats, oh no... many of them, 20, 30, closing in about 200 yards away up the small slope of the plain. i look to my left and right. just many blue pillars on a changing green/purple perfectly flat and plastic looking ground.
I have a scope.. and take a look through it at the guys walking fast towards me. its zoom power is strong and i see them clearly. i hold in the trigger and popping sounds float out that gave vibrational disturbances to my visual field. the gun has no kick and i use the scope to knock many down. bullets glowing come towards me about the speed of a car... slowly. i jump behind the pillar. a scratching sound eminates from the blue pillar and it ripples like water on a pond.
"DEATH" i scream. its coming, i know it. my last few moments of existence. "DEATH!!!" i scream as i look out from the pillar and see a few guys closing in. i fire from the hip and hit all but 2 and the gun stops popping. a swishing sound is heard many times a second. i look down and see bullets flying through me, extremely graphically. my heart gets knocked out of my chest partially. many more holes pierce through and my guts fall out of my chest and back. I cry frantically and lay down in the brown and pink goo. When is it all going black, I wonder. The two men appoach me and laugh. They are asian with glowing eyes. These men are the givers of my eternal blackness, and I hate them but am more afraid. One mumbles some kind of goodbye and bullets are fired into my head. It jiggles me around and the scene fades to black. I am not sure, but i think after this "nightmare" i was unconscious for some time... or i don't remember it.
I open my eyes. the room is alive and swirling but a calmness has overtaken me. i am alive, and i realize it was all a 'dream'. the clock reads 12:07am. it appears i didn't leave my bed during this, or didnt leave evidence of doing so.
The rest of the trip i did get to spend some painful time introspecting. I'm not sure if it helped yet, but it seems that it will once I settle down from this. I could have written a book on this part, but it wouldn't be of much interest. It was intense and heart-breaking, to say the least.
I went to sleep around 8am, feeling relatively comfortable mentally.
My thoughts
I am surprised such a high dose gave a vivid experience with real world objects like guns, bullets and war. i think COD might have played a part in this. It seemed more real than waking life. If i could repeat this, I would have hidden the 7 hits away... it was intense in a bad way, and i forget most of it (or was unconscious). However, last night after smoking, i had a vivid flashback-type image appear in my head of being surrounded by blue bubbles and feeling like i existed as all of them at once. This may be a clue into a fraction of what went on during the "blackout" phase. I think it was a memory coming back, but it could have been a random post trip kink induced by the thc.
substancecode_lsd
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