I
ifuckedup
Guest
My life just took a horrible turn for the worst. I am not at my lowest point, however, thanks to being out on bail and away from the hellishness of being confined to a jail cell.
Where I fucked up, on a warm saturday night 10 days ago, was with the choice to eat the benzos xanax and valium. I do not have benzo tolerance and rarely use them. I had finally come across some, and decided to eat a few. At around 5pm saturday, I ate 2mg of alprazolam and 20mg of diazepam (2 blue pills of each), figuring this would mellow me out after the hard week I had at work. I had no plans that night and the next day, so I made plans to get intoxicated. I had a small collection of acid and 5-meo-dmt, which I had not touched in months; but I did not specifically plan to trip.
Around 6pm, I am defintaely intoxicated in a drunken-like way but with less euphoria, and some slight depression and confusion. I stumble to my small substance collection and eat 2 more blue xanax. I wanted to be a little bit more into oblivion, because I was feeling slightly depressed (which was from the benzos in the first place, but I didnt realize it at the time).
From 6 to 7pm, I spent my time stumbling around out in my yard feeling almost like a kid. I ran around and rolled in the grass some. Then I got up and took off running into the house and back to my room. I pushed on the closed door thinking it was open a crack and my face whacked right into it. I could definately feel the pain despite my intoxication.
I got into my room and got into my drugs. I pulled out a 5 strip of futurama blotter acid somewhere around 7pm, and ate it. I got really excited, thinking I was going to blast off to some wonderful psychedelic reality that I have read about but never had the balls to attempt. I then got out my aluminum foil pipe and threw an eyeballed amount of 5-meo-dmt in (it was what looked like 20 grains of salt). This would definately not be something I would do sober, same with the acid.
I inhaled the rough tasting substance and held my breath. Soon a "wangwangwang" noise surrounded me, like nitrous but much more menacing. A tense feeling spread through my body. I felt my heart get squeezed then break, and I was bleeding all over myself internally. I was so scared but knew there was nothing I could do so I just tried to accept that I was going to die for sure. I saw a bright white light and I couldn't see anything else. I do not remember what else happened.
The next thing I know, I am outside laying in my yard twitching all over violently, but not quite seizure-like. I see the clouds morphing shapes and colors, I see all imaginable colors floating through the sky. The sun was setting so I guess this was around 7:45. I also hear voices and a strange music that could never be synthesized. It sounded very alien and started to frighten me. I got up off the ground and started to stop twitching. I thought I was coming down from the acid, since I was confused. At this point I don't think I remember smoking the 5-dmt, I only think I am coming down from the acid already. Maybe its because the 5-dmt trip seemed to last many hours when it only lasted minutes, but I can't be completely sure.
I go in the house, which took a lot of effort because I was very uncoordinated. Everything was liquid, and I became convinced this was actually the real world, and that my experience of sober reality before this trip had illusioned me into thinking solids existed. Everything seemed so real; clearer than ever before, despite the melting, fractals and distortions.
I remember trying to figure out how to open a beer can. I sat on my kitchen table pressing the tab in wrong directions and could not do it. I ended up cracking a whole in it with a juice can opener and sipping through it. I kept hearing the strange alien music getting louder, and I heard voices in specific directions that startled me. I do not remember the specifics of what the voices said but suddenly it became apparent that I MUST get out of my house or something horrible was going to happen to me. I remember running out my front door in a panic... most of what happens next is pieced together from my neighbor's account, who was an aquaintence, and the police reports. I do recall some flashes of the events but most are clips that are a few nanoseconds in length that I can't accurately describe.
I ran to my neighbors house across the street and past a big yard (houses are spread out a good bit around here). I went up to his mailbox and dug my hands inside. He must have saw me run up to his door because he came out right away, and said "Hey, (myname), what the hell are you doing?" with a slightly threatening but confused tone. I do remember him saying this but barely.
All I did was stare at him. He said I looked like a frightened, insane animal ready to pounce. He took a step back and balled up his fists. "You don't look so good, how about we take a walk back to your house".
I yelled "HE TOLD ME TO COME. HE TOLD ME I WOULD FIND MY ANSWER HERE" I then sat down and curled up in a ball. "Do you need me to call an ambulance?"
Then, I snapped. I don't know and can't guess what the fuck was going through my head at this point. I screamed in a non-human way, as it was later described, and tore into my neighbor. I beat and kicked at him with all I had. At first, he acted defensively and put up his arms to defend himself. Then he ran back into his house and came out with a can of mace. I ran away, sensing danger. It came to me again, apparently, that I must get into my neighbor's house, it was extremely important to my survival. By this time it was night.
My neigbor had gone back inside to call the cops. I walked around back of his house to his sliding glass doors. I remember touching the glass and wondering what was stopping my finger, because I could see right through the door. I thought of it as a force field of some type that was a test. If I could pass the test of getting past this freak, but purposely placed occurance, I would find what I was looking for. I picked up a small metal table and whirrled it into the glass force field with all the strength I had. It broke the glass and kept on going about five feet. I walked through the destroyed force field and felt like I had accomplished an important step of some kind of goal I was going after (which I unfortunately can't remember). I heard footsteps coming fast from the other side of the house. I sensed danger and leaped up the steps that were to my left. I went into a dark room and saw a glowing clock. (Its red letters burned into my memory, and now I cannot look at digital clocks without getting intense anxiety and confusion).
I picked up the clock and held it. Then my neighbor run in, flicks on the light and unleashes hell onto me. I remember thinking something like I was being attacked by supernatural forces. I couldn't breathe or see, my upper body was burning and I literally thought I had caught on fire. I fought for my life and thrashed into everything with my fists. I stumbled around and fell down the steps I had walked up. I screamed so loud many neighbors arrived before the cops did, keeping distance.
When the cops arrived my neighbor was on the ground holding his head. I was in the house breaking things and screaming. Cops rushed in with guns drawn. "GET DOWN ON THE GROUND NOW!"
I couldn't understand language, everything was just sounds at this point. I didn't know what language was so I was unable to follow the pig's instructions. Then I felt a stab and my body seize. It was the most painful thing I have ever felt, and I can't imagine anything worse. They had shot me with a taser. Two darts stuck in me, blasting me to the ground in a silenced, choking agony.
The paramedics came and treated me on the scene (now in my neighbor's yard) with saline for my eyes and a bandage for my hands, which were badly beaten. They gave me an examination of blood pressure and heart rate, then said I was OK to be put into police custody. Apparently they repeatedly asked me what I had taken and finally I had answered "shrooms".
I rather not go into detail about the jail cell because it will induce unpleasent flashbacks, as writing this has already done. I will just say it was hell, to understate it. The cops were real assholes to me. When I got to the police station they literally threw me in my jail cell and said "You are fucked".
I was charged with assault, public intoxication, disorderly conduct, vandalism, trespassing, and possession of a schedule IV substance (I had 5 xanax pills in my pocket). I was bailed out by a close family member who was severely dissapointed and upset with me. The bail was set at 3500$.
It was a hell of a journey to hell. I will never trip again on anything; I have lost all desire for altered states, plus I now will face jail soon and a long probation. My lawyer says he will try to negotiate a 30 day sentence but he can't promise it will be that small.
My neighbor was cool about it; well not cool but as cool as someone could be in his situation. I called him and apologized, and he told me what happened. He didn't lecture me at all about drugs or my actions. At the end of our somewhat brief conversation, he said "good luck" and hung up.
Where I fucked up, on a warm saturday night 10 days ago, was with the choice to eat the benzos xanax and valium. I do not have benzo tolerance and rarely use them. I had finally come across some, and decided to eat a few. At around 5pm saturday, I ate 2mg of alprazolam and 20mg of diazepam (2 blue pills of each), figuring this would mellow me out after the hard week I had at work. I had no plans that night and the next day, so I made plans to get intoxicated. I had a small collection of acid and 5-meo-dmt, which I had not touched in months; but I did not specifically plan to trip.
Around 6pm, I am defintaely intoxicated in a drunken-like way but with less euphoria, and some slight depression and confusion. I stumble to my small substance collection and eat 2 more blue xanax. I wanted to be a little bit more into oblivion, because I was feeling slightly depressed (which was from the benzos in the first place, but I didnt realize it at the time).
From 6 to 7pm, I spent my time stumbling around out in my yard feeling almost like a kid. I ran around and rolled in the grass some. Then I got up and took off running into the house and back to my room. I pushed on the closed door thinking it was open a crack and my face whacked right into it. I could definately feel the pain despite my intoxication.
I got into my room and got into my drugs. I pulled out a 5 strip of futurama blotter acid somewhere around 7pm, and ate it. I got really excited, thinking I was going to blast off to some wonderful psychedelic reality that I have read about but never had the balls to attempt. I then got out my aluminum foil pipe and threw an eyeballed amount of 5-meo-dmt in (it was what looked like 20 grains of salt). This would definately not be something I would do sober, same with the acid.
I inhaled the rough tasting substance and held my breath. Soon a "wangwangwang" noise surrounded me, like nitrous but much more menacing. A tense feeling spread through my body. I felt my heart get squeezed then break, and I was bleeding all over myself internally. I was so scared but knew there was nothing I could do so I just tried to accept that I was going to die for sure. I saw a bright white light and I couldn't see anything else. I do not remember what else happened.
The next thing I know, I am outside laying in my yard twitching all over violently, but not quite seizure-like. I see the clouds morphing shapes and colors, I see all imaginable colors floating through the sky. The sun was setting so I guess this was around 7:45. I also hear voices and a strange music that could never be synthesized. It sounded very alien and started to frighten me. I got up off the ground and started to stop twitching. I thought I was coming down from the acid, since I was confused. At this point I don't think I remember smoking the 5-dmt, I only think I am coming down from the acid already. Maybe its because the 5-dmt trip seemed to last many hours when it only lasted minutes, but I can't be completely sure.
I go in the house, which took a lot of effort because I was very uncoordinated. Everything was liquid, and I became convinced this was actually the real world, and that my experience of sober reality before this trip had illusioned me into thinking solids existed. Everything seemed so real; clearer than ever before, despite the melting, fractals and distortions.
I remember trying to figure out how to open a beer can. I sat on my kitchen table pressing the tab in wrong directions and could not do it. I ended up cracking a whole in it with a juice can opener and sipping through it. I kept hearing the strange alien music getting louder, and I heard voices in specific directions that startled me. I do not remember the specifics of what the voices said but suddenly it became apparent that I MUST get out of my house or something horrible was going to happen to me. I remember running out my front door in a panic... most of what happens next is pieced together from my neighbor's account, who was an aquaintence, and the police reports. I do recall some flashes of the events but most are clips that are a few nanoseconds in length that I can't accurately describe.
I ran to my neighbors house across the street and past a big yard (houses are spread out a good bit around here). I went up to his mailbox and dug my hands inside. He must have saw me run up to his door because he came out right away, and said "Hey, (myname), what the hell are you doing?" with a slightly threatening but confused tone. I do remember him saying this but barely.
All I did was stare at him. He said I looked like a frightened, insane animal ready to pounce. He took a step back and balled up his fists. "You don't look so good, how about we take a walk back to your house".
I yelled "HE TOLD ME TO COME. HE TOLD ME I WOULD FIND MY ANSWER HERE" I then sat down and curled up in a ball. "Do you need me to call an ambulance?"
Then, I snapped. I don't know and can't guess what the fuck was going through my head at this point. I screamed in a non-human way, as it was later described, and tore into my neighbor. I beat and kicked at him with all I had. At first, he acted defensively and put up his arms to defend himself. Then he ran back into his house and came out with a can of mace. I ran away, sensing danger. It came to me again, apparently, that I must get into my neighbor's house, it was extremely important to my survival. By this time it was night.
My neigbor had gone back inside to call the cops. I walked around back of his house to his sliding glass doors. I remember touching the glass and wondering what was stopping my finger, because I could see right through the door. I thought of it as a force field of some type that was a test. If I could pass the test of getting past this freak, but purposely placed occurance, I would find what I was looking for. I picked up a small metal table and whirrled it into the glass force field with all the strength I had. It broke the glass and kept on going about five feet. I walked through the destroyed force field and felt like I had accomplished an important step of some kind of goal I was going after (which I unfortunately can't remember). I heard footsteps coming fast from the other side of the house. I sensed danger and leaped up the steps that were to my left. I went into a dark room and saw a glowing clock. (Its red letters burned into my memory, and now I cannot look at digital clocks without getting intense anxiety and confusion).
I picked up the clock and held it. Then my neighbor run in, flicks on the light and unleashes hell onto me. I remember thinking something like I was being attacked by supernatural forces. I couldn't breathe or see, my upper body was burning and I literally thought I had caught on fire. I fought for my life and thrashed into everything with my fists. I stumbled around and fell down the steps I had walked up. I screamed so loud many neighbors arrived before the cops did, keeping distance.
When the cops arrived my neighbor was on the ground holding his head. I was in the house breaking things and screaming. Cops rushed in with guns drawn. "GET DOWN ON THE GROUND NOW!"
I couldn't understand language, everything was just sounds at this point. I didn't know what language was so I was unable to follow the pig's instructions. Then I felt a stab and my body seize. It was the most painful thing I have ever felt, and I can't imagine anything worse. They had shot me with a taser. Two darts stuck in me, blasting me to the ground in a silenced, choking agony.
The paramedics came and treated me on the scene (now in my neighbor's yard) with saline for my eyes and a bandage for my hands, which were badly beaten. They gave me an examination of blood pressure and heart rate, then said I was OK to be put into police custody. Apparently they repeatedly asked me what I had taken and finally I had answered "shrooms".
I rather not go into detail about the jail cell because it will induce unpleasent flashbacks, as writing this has already done. I will just say it was hell, to understate it. The cops were real assholes to me. When I got to the police station they literally threw me in my jail cell and said "You are fucked".
I was charged with assault, public intoxication, disorderly conduct, vandalism, trespassing, and possession of a schedule IV substance (I had 5 xanax pills in my pocket). I was bailed out by a close family member who was severely dissapointed and upset with me. The bail was set at 3500$.
It was a hell of a journey to hell. I will never trip again on anything; I have lost all desire for altered states, plus I now will face jail soon and a long probation. My lawyer says he will try to negotiate a 30 day sentence but he can't promise it will be that small.
My neighbor was cool about it; well not cool but as cool as someone could be in his situation. I called him and apologized, and he told me what happened. He didn't lecture me at all about drugs or my actions. At the end of our somewhat brief conversation, he said "good luck" and hung up.
