like_diamonds
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2013
- Messages
- 1
Introduction
I tried LSD for the first time a few days ago. I was home alone, and it was nighttime. This was my first time doing any sort of psychedelic drug. It was an intense experience, and I am still not completely sure what to make of it or what happened to me. I am writing this trip report to the best of my memory. I apologize in advance for how long this is. I have tried to narrow it down to what I think are the most important parts.
- Part I -
10:45 PM I put three blotters in my mouth and let them sit there for 20-30 minutes before swallowing.
11:15 PM I was in my room, music playing lightly. The edges of the walls began to move, changing from straight to wavy. My limbs felt very weak, and I could not stand properly. I felt that it was harder to breathe. I started laughing a bit, and I turned the lights off at one point. Laying on my bed, the surface of the walls began to move in a wavy pattern. I pressed my hand against the wall, and I believe I went unconscious shortly after.
I woke up in confusion; not sure of the time. I believe the music had turned off - or if it hadn't, I was not aware of it. I turned the lights back on and stared at the carpet of my bedroom. It had developed a pattern and kept moving. I felt hot and dizzy and decided to go outside.
- Part II -
(Note: I cannot remember the exact order of events for this next section.)
I spent a good 10 minutes trying to open the front door because I could not think straight. I finally got it open and walked outside onto the front porch. I was in such a daze that I did not think to put my shoes on. I ended up looping back and forth - walking from the porch to the yard to the porch to the door to the inside of my house. I remember standing there with the door open, unsure of where to go or what to do. I am not sure how many times or for how long I kept walking in this loop. At one point, I went back inside and upstairs to my room to grab my phone. I went outside yet again immediately after this.
I lay down on the grass in the yard and stared at the trees above me. Music was playing softly into my ears from my earphones. The leaves of the trees quickly became gray and more geometric-shaped, the edges changing from curved to straight. The look of the leaves was reminiscent of the static of a broken television. It’s a bit hard to describe, but it was kind of a morbid, depressing scene. I heard faint police sirens in the distance (I am unsure of whether they were real or a product of my imagination), and I suddenly started to panic. I thought the police had somehow found out that I was on LSD and were coming to get me. It felt like the entire world was out to get me.
I decided to go back inside but ended up in that loop again. During this loop, I “lost” myself. I ended up sitting in the grass after walking back and forth. I was in a panicked and scared state of mind. I did not know who I was or “where” I was. I knew I was in my front yard, but I recall telling myself that “I have to go back inside [my house] and find myself.” I was sitting in the grass, looking longingly back at the front door. “It’s too far away. I will never be able to get back there. I will never be able to find myself again.”
I decided to look at my phone at this point. 12:26 AM. I had received a text from a friend, and I believe this is what grounded me back to reality. I realized I was on acid and was having a “bad trip.” After taking several deep breaths to calm down, I lay back down onto the grass. My trip suddenly took a turn for the better.
I was everything, and I was nothing. I felt as if I were becoming part of the earth. The world seemed so beautiful that I almost started crying. We are all in our own worlds, living our own lives. What seems like such a big deal to us is so small and insignificant to the rest of the world. We worry about the most trivial things, and we often overthink situations. This was made quite evident to me when I thought that 20 police cars were going to surround me at any minute. No, to the rest of the world, I was just a girl sitting in the grass and enjoying a beautiful summer night. After a short amount of time, I decided to go back inside.
- Part III -
Back inside my room, I had progressive house music playing. I was in such a happy, euphoric state at this point. I had never known such bliss in my life. I was safe in my room and could just enjoy life. I decided to type up anything that came to my mind in a Word document.
(Note: Unfortunately, I accidentally deleted the first portions of the document during my peak. It was quite a huge chunk. There is also a lot of unintelligible wording in the document that made sense to me during my trip, and most of it is repetitive.)
This is what I managed to piece together from the document [in green text]:
We think we are so "big" and important.
I died so many times and saw the world reborn.
Nothing will change reality, but does it matter? We have so little time in this world.
Why am I still conscious of this?
Reality, we can never grasp it. Is reality all a dream? But then time does not happen. I was missing all of the beauty. We only have THIS much time.
And then the world is only “I,” but
Can death be a beautiful thing?
I died, so is this real?
Am I dying? Does it matter? I’m dying, but then I’m conscious of it all. I died a billion times because that is reality – so much time and so much. I just realized I am what is real. Only time will end it. Perhaps I sound crazy, but I sound sane to myself. What really matters? All I see are three words.
Make sure don’t lose consciousness
Or do you want to lose but if I did lose
I think I died. How many times can you die because this is real
We are >>><<< here, and this is what matters
And reality is so fucking vast and we think we have everything all figured out,
Reality is so much. You can’t help but be in awe, but then you
Are you sure I am sleeping or dead or not
We die a thousand deaths. Does it matter?
Reading back on this, I am aware that most of it does not make sense.
It’s quite obvious that I had left reality at this point. “Is this real?” is what kept going through my mind. I did not know what reality was. I was in a cycle of death and rebirth, and I was aware that I was dying. I saw time and space… I think I saw the inside of my mind - my ego and my consciousness. It was as if my ego were fighting against something. I am not sure what. I can’t really remember. Something deep inside of me was trying to break through, and something else inside of me was trying to suppress it. Part of me wanted to “let go,” but another part was trying to keep that thing hidden inside.
The only words that were relevant at this point were: time, reality, space, ego, consciousness. My mind kept making connections between these things, and they kept looping.
I kept saying to myself, “Why do we make such a big deal about death? We think death is the end, but I have died a thousand times.”
I had a strange loop of thoughts. It is hard to describe, but this is a simplification of it:
If I am dead, how am I conscious of this? That must mean I am not dead. So then what is real? What is happening? How can I comprehend any of this? I am dying now. I am dead. I see all of time and space. I see the entire universe. I am everything.
Then that entire expansion would narrow down to a point, my life – where I would be born, live, and die. The loop would continue.
One second, it seemed like I was the entire universe - that "I" was all that was and all that mattered. I felt like some sort of a god. The next second, I was nothing to the universe. I saw the entirety of time and space – with all that has happened and will happen, with all that has existed and will exist… and I was just a small dot.
I remember being quite thirsty and going downstairs several times for water. Once downstairs, where it was completely silent, fear began to take over me again. It was all surreal, like a dream (or nightmare). The walls of each room seemed to cave in and waver. I felt like I was on a journey inside my own mind, forced to face my own fears.
During the entire peak, I felt as if I were slipping in and out of consciousness. There were moments when I returned back to reality in its present state, but I would shortly take off again. Also, my heart rate skyrocketed to the point that I thought my heart was going to explode. I also don't remember much in terms of visuals. Everything was just very "wavy" and distorted.
- Part IV -
4:20 AM My peak ended. I returned back to reality, for the most part. The only thought I had at this point was, "Holy shit." I was still under the impression that I had died and been reborn several thousand times, and I was unsure of whether or not all of this was real. I was still so euphoric at this point, however. I realized how beautiful the universe was and that there is no reason to be unhappy. For the rest of the day, I just wanted to stay outside and enjoy nature.
I tried LSD for the first time a few days ago. I was home alone, and it was nighttime. This was my first time doing any sort of psychedelic drug. It was an intense experience, and I am still not completely sure what to make of it or what happened to me. I am writing this trip report to the best of my memory. I apologize in advance for how long this is. I have tried to narrow it down to what I think are the most important parts.
- Part I -
10:45 PM I put three blotters in my mouth and let them sit there for 20-30 minutes before swallowing.
11:15 PM I was in my room, music playing lightly. The edges of the walls began to move, changing from straight to wavy. My limbs felt very weak, and I could not stand properly. I felt that it was harder to breathe. I started laughing a bit, and I turned the lights off at one point. Laying on my bed, the surface of the walls began to move in a wavy pattern. I pressed my hand against the wall, and I believe I went unconscious shortly after.
I woke up in confusion; not sure of the time. I believe the music had turned off - or if it hadn't, I was not aware of it. I turned the lights back on and stared at the carpet of my bedroom. It had developed a pattern and kept moving. I felt hot and dizzy and decided to go outside.
- Part II -
(Note: I cannot remember the exact order of events for this next section.)
I spent a good 10 minutes trying to open the front door because I could not think straight. I finally got it open and walked outside onto the front porch. I was in such a daze that I did not think to put my shoes on. I ended up looping back and forth - walking from the porch to the yard to the porch to the door to the inside of my house. I remember standing there with the door open, unsure of where to go or what to do. I am not sure how many times or for how long I kept walking in this loop. At one point, I went back inside and upstairs to my room to grab my phone. I went outside yet again immediately after this.
I lay down on the grass in the yard and stared at the trees above me. Music was playing softly into my ears from my earphones. The leaves of the trees quickly became gray and more geometric-shaped, the edges changing from curved to straight. The look of the leaves was reminiscent of the static of a broken television. It’s a bit hard to describe, but it was kind of a morbid, depressing scene. I heard faint police sirens in the distance (I am unsure of whether they were real or a product of my imagination), and I suddenly started to panic. I thought the police had somehow found out that I was on LSD and were coming to get me. It felt like the entire world was out to get me.
I decided to go back inside but ended up in that loop again. During this loop, I “lost” myself. I ended up sitting in the grass after walking back and forth. I was in a panicked and scared state of mind. I did not know who I was or “where” I was. I knew I was in my front yard, but I recall telling myself that “I have to go back inside [my house] and find myself.” I was sitting in the grass, looking longingly back at the front door. “It’s too far away. I will never be able to get back there. I will never be able to find myself again.”
I decided to look at my phone at this point. 12:26 AM. I had received a text from a friend, and I believe this is what grounded me back to reality. I realized I was on acid and was having a “bad trip.” After taking several deep breaths to calm down, I lay back down onto the grass. My trip suddenly took a turn for the better.
I was everything, and I was nothing. I felt as if I were becoming part of the earth. The world seemed so beautiful that I almost started crying. We are all in our own worlds, living our own lives. What seems like such a big deal to us is so small and insignificant to the rest of the world. We worry about the most trivial things, and we often overthink situations. This was made quite evident to me when I thought that 20 police cars were going to surround me at any minute. No, to the rest of the world, I was just a girl sitting in the grass and enjoying a beautiful summer night. After a short amount of time, I decided to go back inside.
- Part III -
Back inside my room, I had progressive house music playing. I was in such a happy, euphoric state at this point. I had never known such bliss in my life. I was safe in my room and could just enjoy life. I decided to type up anything that came to my mind in a Word document.
(Note: Unfortunately, I accidentally deleted the first portions of the document during my peak. It was quite a huge chunk. There is also a lot of unintelligible wording in the document that made sense to me during my trip, and most of it is repetitive.)
This is what I managed to piece together from the document [in green text]:
We think we are so "big" and important.
I died so many times and saw the world reborn.
Nothing will change reality, but does it matter? We have so little time in this world.
Why am I still conscious of this?
Reality, we can never grasp it. Is reality all a dream? But then time does not happen. I was missing all of the beauty. We only have THIS much time.
And then the world is only “I,” but
Can death be a beautiful thing?
I died, so is this real?
Am I dying? Does it matter? I’m dying, but then I’m conscious of it all. I died a billion times because that is reality – so much time and so much. I just realized I am what is real. Only time will end it. Perhaps I sound crazy, but I sound sane to myself. What really matters? All I see are three words.
Make sure don’t lose consciousness
Or do you want to lose but if I did lose
I think I died. How many times can you die because this is real
We are >>><<< here, and this is what matters
And reality is so fucking vast and we think we have everything all figured out,
Reality is so much. You can’t help but be in awe, but then you
Are you sure I am sleeping or dead or not
We die a thousand deaths. Does it matter?
Reading back on this, I am aware that most of it does not make sense.
It’s quite obvious that I had left reality at this point. “Is this real?” is what kept going through my mind. I did not know what reality was. I was in a cycle of death and rebirth, and I was aware that I was dying. I saw time and space… I think I saw the inside of my mind - my ego and my consciousness. It was as if my ego were fighting against something. I am not sure what. I can’t really remember. Something deep inside of me was trying to break through, and something else inside of me was trying to suppress it. Part of me wanted to “let go,” but another part was trying to keep that thing hidden inside.
The only words that were relevant at this point were: time, reality, space, ego, consciousness. My mind kept making connections between these things, and they kept looping.
I kept saying to myself, “Why do we make such a big deal about death? We think death is the end, but I have died a thousand times.”
I had a strange loop of thoughts. It is hard to describe, but this is a simplification of it:
If I am dead, how am I conscious of this? That must mean I am not dead. So then what is real? What is happening? How can I comprehend any of this? I am dying now. I am dead. I see all of time and space. I see the entire universe. I am everything.
Then that entire expansion would narrow down to a point, my life – where I would be born, live, and die. The loop would continue.
One second, it seemed like I was the entire universe - that "I" was all that was and all that mattered. I felt like some sort of a god. The next second, I was nothing to the universe. I saw the entirety of time and space – with all that has happened and will happen, with all that has existed and will exist… and I was just a small dot.
I remember being quite thirsty and going downstairs several times for water. Once downstairs, where it was completely silent, fear began to take over me again. It was all surreal, like a dream (or nightmare). The walls of each room seemed to cave in and waver. I felt like I was on a journey inside my own mind, forced to face my own fears.
During the entire peak, I felt as if I were slipping in and out of consciousness. There were moments when I returned back to reality in its present state, but I would shortly take off again. Also, my heart rate skyrocketed to the point that I thought my heart was going to explode. I also don't remember much in terms of visuals. Everything was just very "wavy" and distorted.
- Part IV -
4:20 AM My peak ended. I returned back to reality, for the most part. The only thought I had at this point was, "Holy shit." I was still under the impression that I had died and been reborn several thousand times, and I was unsure of whether or not all of this was real. I was still so euphoric at this point, however. I realized how beautiful the universe was and that there is no reason to be unhappy. For the rest of the day, I just wanted to stay outside and enjoy nature.
