rpm
Bluelighter
LSD & 2-CB (600mics, 20 mg) - Experienced - Stare into the void the void stares back
Substance: 20 mg 2-CB as well as 600mics+ LSD and alcohol
Dosage: unclear for a number of reasons. I know the 2-cb was weighed out fairly accurately but I can't remember the dose now as a lot has happened since. The LSD is very good quality stuff that I got as crystal a while back and put in liquid solution (100 mics a drop). But I kept re-dosing while high, plus the fact that I have had it for a few years now (albeit in my freezer).
Weight: 76kg (not that it matters)
Date: The friday before last
Age: 33 (and 11/12ths)
Gender: Male (again, irrelevant)
Other: I have an adrenal deficiency and need to take medication daily
Experience: I have taken pretty much everything out their without getting into the fine grain of the many varieties of research chemicals that come out constantly. In reasonably high doses, as well as recreational doses.
So to start with this is my first trip report, 3rd self dissolution (ego death, but I read a thread recently and the semantics seem debated). It's obviously quite a long time after the fact so my timings will be way off so I'm not going to bother with that stuff too much. We'll see how this goes...
Secondly, and most importantly, this was stupid. Like seriously stupid. I'm lucky I'm still here and that I didn't lose my job. So it goes without saying that harm reduction advice pretty much goes out the window at this point. Just do the opposite of what I did!
For some time I had been wanting to return to an experience I had when I was a teenager and come out of it better, or stronger, or do it different. I had had a very bad trip that had ended with me in hospital and arrested. That's probably the first error, you can't turn back time. But I decided to do it that week, while my girlfriend was away. That was the second error, that and that I didn't tell her I was doing it. But I thought she wouldn't let me do it while she was there, although it turns out she might have done, she was thinking about doing it (patience young padawan).
So I had just got back from a gathering at friends house at about 11. I'd made my excuses (lies) and left early. I was a bit drunk which meant I didn't go into this correctly. I decided to open out my drug stash and let rip a bit. Snorted some 2-CB (20MG ish). Went through to my living room and tried to choose a film. Started with blueberry (great film for tripping BTW), but the subtitles weren't working on my rip so I cycled through to Star Trek Beyond while dropping 3 hits of acid (300 mics or thereabouts). Got about half way through the film, saw some interesting visuals (the clock on the wall has a pendulum that seemed to be in three places at once) but felt it wasn't quite enough. Took 2 tabs (or so, possibly more) more and a jelly baby that I had dropped some on to take into a festival. That?s about another 300 mics at around 12.
This is when things got weird. I kept having a recurring looping thought about why I had taken the acid. A friend at the gathering had said on leaving "It's a Friday night, why are you going? Would you stay if we had some acid?" which had cut a bit too close to the bone. I wondered if I was trying to prove something to them that I can take acid and it be OK and positive. I started to think about why we take drugs at all. I thought sometimes you need to take drugs on your own. But then not all drugs. Psychedelics on your own is alright yeah? Sometimes you just need some space to be with yourself? I couldn't focus on the movie so I turned it off.
I started to panic. I worried I'd taken to much. What was going to happen? I reassured myself I had enough time to come down safely see my mum. But time for what? Suddenly I felt a wave of happiness wash over me. I was OK with myself. I am a good person. It's OK. Then as I started to peak on this wave of the trip I thought I was going to die. Shit why now? I had just realised I was OK. That's really bad timing!
I got up and ran to the bathroom and vomited. I felt better. I went to sat down again but it began again. This looped for some time. I became convinced that I hadn't taken enough of my medication (not the drugs, this was a real thing I needed - but not actually at that time I think). I got up again and ran to find some but couldn't. Then I realised that it was very unlikely that I would die from not taking a single dose of my medication. I relaxed and realised I had all the time in the world. Or did I?
I lay on my bed and relaxed. One of my cats came and sat with me and I stroked it thinking - this will be the tale to end all tales (yet nothing had really happened now I write it!). Suddenly the loop returned with more force. You are dying it said. No rational thought could overpower it. I curled up in a ball and let it wash over me. I needed to turn back the clock to to what had happened in my past. Then I tried to fight it physically! I still had time, I just needed to turn the clock back.
I got up and ran to the door of the flat - but decided against going out. Then I ran to the sitting room and sat down. Then thought shit I need to get help. I tried to phone my girlfriend, but she didn't answer (asleep like a sensible person at 2am). Shit, I'll never get to tell her I love her, and that I'm OK. What bad timing. I threw the phone across the room.
Then I decided I was going to make myself comfortable to die. I went to the bedroom and took my clothes off to go to bed. I lay their for a bit wondering why now? Why don't I get to see the sun again? That's not fair, surely I would get one more day? I should do! Why don't I? What has happened? What has Trump done? Was the simulation being switched off? It definitely felt like it. This seemed really not fair since I had just had this epiphany of everything being OK for me and for all. In fact maybe I was everything, all exprerience is simultaneous and this was the final death of everything. The final end. There would never have been.
I tried to fight it physically again. I jumped up and ran to the door and out down onto the street. There was no one there but me. I was alone. That proves it. I must be dead. All is dead.
I ran back to my flat (thankfully I had left my door open - I only got lucky once though). I went to my bed and curled up again as images flashed before my eyes that made little sense and I can't really relate to the reader. I realised that many people have had this experience, that I had had i it before, that we where all connected. I wondered why we don?t talk about it, why we don?t shout it from the roof tops. Then I realised that I was dieing, and I would be reborn, but would it stil be me?! That?s not good, not being me. Every experience is connected and I am everything all at once, but why does it have to end? I became convinced I could turn back time and make right my past with enough effort.
I jumped up again and ran out on to the street desperate to find someone. I saw someone on the street and I ran to them. They acted like I wasn't there and I ran off. This gave me some clarity though in the contact with the other. It would be OK. I ran back into the stairwell but couldn't get into my house as I had closed the door and didn't have a key. Well that's just bad planning!
I lay down on the stairs and curled up cold and scared. I'm just an animal. In fact I thought I was a cat for a bit (sometimes my cats go out into the stairwell and get stuck). I'll die like an animal in the cold. And I gave in. Then something wonderful happened.
Some police opened the door to the stairwell. Only they will know what I must have looked like. They asked me if I was alright. I said "not really. I'm confused. I think I took acid." They said "OK seems like you have had quite a night". They asked me if had been in a fight, "no, no fighting" I said. They said something on their radio to the effect that I wasn't violent (I think). I still wasn't sure that this was true, could it all be just a trip? Where they really people, not some kind of cosmic clean up crew? Oh well, what the hell, worth a shot right?
They asked me if I had a number they could call and I gave mine and my mum's. My mum answered and they took me in their car to my mum's house. They wrapped me in some kind of space blanket that seemed like it couldn't possibly do anything. One of them even held my hand.
I got to my mum's confused. She took me in and sent the police on their way. She asked me why I had done this. She was very understanding. "Did I want some tea, some toast?" she asked me. I felt like a child again, but also an old man and also a god all at once. I still felt like I was dead, but maybe I was being reborn. She took me up to my old room and I looked at it. The silk bed-cover had a tesseract pattern that shimmered iridescent in three dimensions. I thought this was my final resting place.
I lay there for what seemed like an eternity (about 6 hours in all). Visions appeared and reappeared. My mum came in occasionally and I think I was surprisingly lucid, although I still had little idea of what had happened to me. My self slowly returned like a old shoe that has been re-soled and fitted better than ever. I felt a weight lifted.
I got up and donned some clothes that the police left for me (they had apparently been to my house with a key my mother gave them). I talked to my mother for a bit. She talked about her experiences with psychedelics and how it had brought her to where she was. She was clear she was the person she was today because of those experiences, although they had nearly driven her mad. The person she did them with had died apparently. I will need to ask her more about that at some point as we have never properly spoken about it till now, although I knew. (for information she is now a very successful psychotherapist).
I returned home by taxi, feeling happy. I could at last put the past behind me and move on. I was OK with myself. I am OK.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_lsd
substancecode_lysergamides
substancecode_2cb
substancecode_phenethylamines
_combo_
explevel_experienced
exptype_positive
exptype_lifechanging
exptype_difficult
roacode_oral
roacode_sublingual
Substance: 20 mg 2-CB as well as 600mics+ LSD and alcohol
Dosage: unclear for a number of reasons. I know the 2-cb was weighed out fairly accurately but I can't remember the dose now as a lot has happened since. The LSD is very good quality stuff that I got as crystal a while back and put in liquid solution (100 mics a drop). But I kept re-dosing while high, plus the fact that I have had it for a few years now (albeit in my freezer).
Weight: 76kg (not that it matters)
Date: The friday before last
Age: 33 (and 11/12ths)
Gender: Male (again, irrelevant)
Other: I have an adrenal deficiency and need to take medication daily
Experience: I have taken pretty much everything out their without getting into the fine grain of the many varieties of research chemicals that come out constantly. In reasonably high doses, as well as recreational doses.
So to start with this is my first trip report, 3rd self dissolution (ego death, but I read a thread recently and the semantics seem debated). It's obviously quite a long time after the fact so my timings will be way off so I'm not going to bother with that stuff too much. We'll see how this goes...
Secondly, and most importantly, this was stupid. Like seriously stupid. I'm lucky I'm still here and that I didn't lose my job. So it goes without saying that harm reduction advice pretty much goes out the window at this point. Just do the opposite of what I did!
For some time I had been wanting to return to an experience I had when I was a teenager and come out of it better, or stronger, or do it different. I had had a very bad trip that had ended with me in hospital and arrested. That's probably the first error, you can't turn back time. But I decided to do it that week, while my girlfriend was away. That was the second error, that and that I didn't tell her I was doing it. But I thought she wouldn't let me do it while she was there, although it turns out she might have done, she was thinking about doing it (patience young padawan).
So I had just got back from a gathering at friends house at about 11. I'd made my excuses (lies) and left early. I was a bit drunk which meant I didn't go into this correctly. I decided to open out my drug stash and let rip a bit. Snorted some 2-CB (20MG ish). Went through to my living room and tried to choose a film. Started with blueberry (great film for tripping BTW), but the subtitles weren't working on my rip so I cycled through to Star Trek Beyond while dropping 3 hits of acid (300 mics or thereabouts). Got about half way through the film, saw some interesting visuals (the clock on the wall has a pendulum that seemed to be in three places at once) but felt it wasn't quite enough. Took 2 tabs (or so, possibly more) more and a jelly baby that I had dropped some on to take into a festival. That?s about another 300 mics at around 12.
This is when things got weird. I kept having a recurring looping thought about why I had taken the acid. A friend at the gathering had said on leaving "It's a Friday night, why are you going? Would you stay if we had some acid?" which had cut a bit too close to the bone. I wondered if I was trying to prove something to them that I can take acid and it be OK and positive. I started to think about why we take drugs at all. I thought sometimes you need to take drugs on your own. But then not all drugs. Psychedelics on your own is alright yeah? Sometimes you just need some space to be with yourself? I couldn't focus on the movie so I turned it off.
I started to panic. I worried I'd taken to much. What was going to happen? I reassured myself I had enough time to come down safely see my mum. But time for what? Suddenly I felt a wave of happiness wash over me. I was OK with myself. I am a good person. It's OK. Then as I started to peak on this wave of the trip I thought I was going to die. Shit why now? I had just realised I was OK. That's really bad timing!
I got up and ran to the bathroom and vomited. I felt better. I went to sat down again but it began again. This looped for some time. I became convinced that I hadn't taken enough of my medication (not the drugs, this was a real thing I needed - but not actually at that time I think). I got up again and ran to find some but couldn't. Then I realised that it was very unlikely that I would die from not taking a single dose of my medication. I relaxed and realised I had all the time in the world. Or did I?
I lay on my bed and relaxed. One of my cats came and sat with me and I stroked it thinking - this will be the tale to end all tales (yet nothing had really happened now I write it!). Suddenly the loop returned with more force. You are dying it said. No rational thought could overpower it. I curled up in a ball and let it wash over me. I needed to turn back the clock to to what had happened in my past. Then I tried to fight it physically! I still had time, I just needed to turn the clock back.
I got up and ran to the door of the flat - but decided against going out. Then I ran to the sitting room and sat down. Then thought shit I need to get help. I tried to phone my girlfriend, but she didn't answer (asleep like a sensible person at 2am). Shit, I'll never get to tell her I love her, and that I'm OK. What bad timing. I threw the phone across the room.
Then I decided I was going to make myself comfortable to die. I went to the bedroom and took my clothes off to go to bed. I lay their for a bit wondering why now? Why don't I get to see the sun again? That's not fair, surely I would get one more day? I should do! Why don't I? What has happened? What has Trump done? Was the simulation being switched off? It definitely felt like it. This seemed really not fair since I had just had this epiphany of everything being OK for me and for all. In fact maybe I was everything, all exprerience is simultaneous and this was the final death of everything. The final end. There would never have been.
I tried to fight it physically again. I jumped up and ran to the door and out down onto the street. There was no one there but me. I was alone. That proves it. I must be dead. All is dead.
I ran back to my flat (thankfully I had left my door open - I only got lucky once though). I went to my bed and curled up again as images flashed before my eyes that made little sense and I can't really relate to the reader. I realised that many people have had this experience, that I had had i it before, that we where all connected. I wondered why we don?t talk about it, why we don?t shout it from the roof tops. Then I realised that I was dieing, and I would be reborn, but would it stil be me?! That?s not good, not being me. Every experience is connected and I am everything all at once, but why does it have to end? I became convinced I could turn back time and make right my past with enough effort.
I jumped up again and ran out on to the street desperate to find someone. I saw someone on the street and I ran to them. They acted like I wasn't there and I ran off. This gave me some clarity though in the contact with the other. It would be OK. I ran back into the stairwell but couldn't get into my house as I had closed the door and didn't have a key. Well that's just bad planning!
I lay down on the stairs and curled up cold and scared. I'm just an animal. In fact I thought I was a cat for a bit (sometimes my cats go out into the stairwell and get stuck). I'll die like an animal in the cold. And I gave in. Then something wonderful happened.
Some police opened the door to the stairwell. Only they will know what I must have looked like. They asked me if I was alright. I said "not really. I'm confused. I think I took acid." They said "OK seems like you have had quite a night". They asked me if had been in a fight, "no, no fighting" I said. They said something on their radio to the effect that I wasn't violent (I think). I still wasn't sure that this was true, could it all be just a trip? Where they really people, not some kind of cosmic clean up crew? Oh well, what the hell, worth a shot right?
They asked me if I had a number they could call and I gave mine and my mum's. My mum answered and they took me in their car to my mum's house. They wrapped me in some kind of space blanket that seemed like it couldn't possibly do anything. One of them even held my hand.
I got to my mum's confused. She took me in and sent the police on their way. She asked me why I had done this. She was very understanding. "Did I want some tea, some toast?" she asked me. I felt like a child again, but also an old man and also a god all at once. I still felt like I was dead, but maybe I was being reborn. She took me up to my old room and I looked at it. The silk bed-cover had a tesseract pattern that shimmered iridescent in three dimensions. I thought this was my final resting place.
I lay there for what seemed like an eternity (about 6 hours in all). Visions appeared and reappeared. My mum came in occasionally and I think I was surprisingly lucid, although I still had little idea of what had happened to me. My self slowly returned like a old shoe that has been re-soled and fitted better than ever. I felt a weight lifted.
I got up and donned some clothes that the police left for me (they had apparently been to my house with a key my mother gave them). I talked to my mother for a bit. She talked about her experiences with psychedelics and how it had brought her to where she was. She was clear she was the person she was today because of those experiences, although they had nearly driven her mad. The person she did them with had died apparently. I will need to ask her more about that at some point as we have never properly spoken about it till now, although I knew. (for information she is now a very successful psychotherapist).
I returned home by taxi, feeling happy. I could at last put the past behind me and move on. I was OK with myself. I am OK.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_lsd
substancecode_lysergamides
substancecode_2cb
substancecode_phenethylamines
_combo_
explevel_experienced
exptype_positive
exptype_lifechanging
exptype_difficult
roacode_oral
roacode_sublingual
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