Yesterday i went to the coast and trip in the dunes. I was alone and had 1 big dose of LSD (yin-yang dolphins) with me.
I stayed there for 1,5 hour to get used to the environment and make sure it was safe, because i was a wee bit paranoid about unfriendly encounters. I just searched for a nice spot & listened to some adyashanti (spiritual teacher) and meditated a bit.
I put the dose in my mouth at 1.00AM and after 20 mins i felt i was going to have some strong effects. I just let all thoughts be and didn't look for truth in thoughts (something i always try to sober);
and to my pleasant surprise my thoughts suddenly became very still. It was like I had discovered the reality of mind. It is some kind of organ that has been disconfigured for most of my life.
I tried to meditate deeply, but awareness (or love, or "god") made it clear it is not necessary to go deep to be awake. All I needed to do was to be and accept the chaos that is life, by not trying to categorize everything...
It's not even necessary to stop thinking, sometimes random thoughts popped up and i found them to be funny because i knew they weren't true. I even saw a strange face in my mind that got stored there for some reason or another. The mind is incredible! No wonder society's so fucked up. The people that run the world, cannot even properly run themselves.
When you stop categorizing reality or trying to "understand" or "get" things... awareness can function through your mind and there is an indescribable knowing that there is nothing to know... all there is is all there is... me = you = energy = god = love
I don't think it was ego death because i could still do the basic thinking (but hard to make decent sentences) which I was glad for; because this experience was everything or more than I could have ever desired a psychedelic drug to give me.
It was not a physical sensation of euphoria, because those feel good moments came and left. But the lesson that each moment is perfect and you must encounte it that way... was something i needed to hear again. All you need to do is breath, and not look for truth in thoughts.
Thoughts cannot describe god, and i think one time my ego tried to become the boss but it was too weak
My ego felt like some kind of organ, that had been disconnected from the state it's been in for more than ten years (i'm 19,5 now)...
The ego isn't bad it just doesn't know any better than categorize and identify... and when this happens you sort of lose a part of your soul. You don't have that vibrant energy in you as you did when you were a kid.
And this energy is exactly what i had again, i remember how the conditioning must have happened that killed this part in me.
Sunrise was beautiful. I played a bit in the sand, danced, ran. I came across a nice woman with her small dog which was full of energy.
At 8.30 i decided to head into the city (normally i totally dislike crowds because i think i look fucked up) but i didn't care. Turns out the bus was full of people who were silent and thinking all kinds of fucked up shit about me which i am sure...
but all i could do is smile. The thought popped up that i might be in the news that day because I smiled so much.
I came to the realization that everybody's ego are disconfigured, but still they are part of the same everything which I was. Even though some hated me, i didn't hate them or think anything bad about them... it did feel like they were sending negative vibes at times, but when i took a deep breath they just disappeared.
The city was crazy, crowded to the bone full of people who are totally lost in their ego. I have walked in the crowds for 2 hours and sometimes the looks on their faces made me laugh.
Not with a disrespectful feeling but the way peoples ego's act is just pathetically funny sometimes. Other people are just hurt or have the feeling of being lost in the world. I have a new found appreciation for people, because just as i had been lost in my ego and lost my "life"... all these people had too.
I might even say that being captured by your ego is some sort of handicap, because the energy that is our very nature cannot penetrate the consciousness... this creates a feeling of lack which we fill with thoughts, feelings, actions that lead to nowhere.
I'm glad I now know better what awareness is, even though i knew i am not my ego i still had thoughts which "i thought would be true" because surely as to everything... there must be rules to god too.
Wrong! God apperently is incredibily "openminded" because i doesn't care if you take psychedelics.. (i thought it did because "god is perfect,then why would it want to take psychedelics")
In fact I think god loves psychedelics, because psychedelics drugs can be or lead the cure for the handicap in our consciousness by cleansing the doors of perception.
I don't know if i will trip again, maybe i will maybe i won't... it doesn't matter. I don't like some of the body sensations that lsd gives me in my stomache sometimes(they are comparable to those iget with mushrooms) after 8 hours of tripping my head feels like a frisbee.
Peace & love
I stayed there for 1,5 hour to get used to the environment and make sure it was safe, because i was a wee bit paranoid about unfriendly encounters. I just searched for a nice spot & listened to some adyashanti (spiritual teacher) and meditated a bit.
I put the dose in my mouth at 1.00AM and after 20 mins i felt i was going to have some strong effects. I just let all thoughts be and didn't look for truth in thoughts (something i always try to sober);
and to my pleasant surprise my thoughts suddenly became very still. It was like I had discovered the reality of mind. It is some kind of organ that has been disconfigured for most of my life.
I tried to meditate deeply, but awareness (or love, or "god") made it clear it is not necessary to go deep to be awake. All I needed to do was to be and accept the chaos that is life, by not trying to categorize everything...
It's not even necessary to stop thinking, sometimes random thoughts popped up and i found them to be funny because i knew they weren't true. I even saw a strange face in my mind that got stored there for some reason or another. The mind is incredible! No wonder society's so fucked up. The people that run the world, cannot even properly run themselves.
When you stop categorizing reality or trying to "understand" or "get" things... awareness can function through your mind and there is an indescribable knowing that there is nothing to know... all there is is all there is... me = you = energy = god = love
I don't think it was ego death because i could still do the basic thinking (but hard to make decent sentences) which I was glad for; because this experience was everything or more than I could have ever desired a psychedelic drug to give me.
It was not a physical sensation of euphoria, because those feel good moments came and left. But the lesson that each moment is perfect and you must encounte it that way... was something i needed to hear again. All you need to do is breath, and not look for truth in thoughts.
Thoughts cannot describe god, and i think one time my ego tried to become the boss but it was too weak
My ego felt like some kind of organ, that had been disconnected from the state it's been in for more than ten years (i'm 19,5 now)...
The ego isn't bad it just doesn't know any better than categorize and identify... and when this happens you sort of lose a part of your soul. You don't have that vibrant energy in you as you did when you were a kid.
And this energy is exactly what i had again, i remember how the conditioning must have happened that killed this part in me.
Sunrise was beautiful. I played a bit in the sand, danced, ran. I came across a nice woman with her small dog which was full of energy.
At 8.30 i decided to head into the city (normally i totally dislike crowds because i think i look fucked up) but i didn't care. Turns out the bus was full of people who were silent and thinking all kinds of fucked up shit about me which i am sure...
but all i could do is smile. The thought popped up that i might be in the news that day because I smiled so much.
I came to the realization that everybody's ego are disconfigured, but still they are part of the same everything which I was. Even though some hated me, i didn't hate them or think anything bad about them... it did feel like they were sending negative vibes at times, but when i took a deep breath they just disappeared.
The city was crazy, crowded to the bone full of people who are totally lost in their ego. I have walked in the crowds for 2 hours and sometimes the looks on their faces made me laugh.
Not with a disrespectful feeling but the way peoples ego's act is just pathetically funny sometimes. Other people are just hurt or have the feeling of being lost in the world. I have a new found appreciation for people, because just as i had been lost in my ego and lost my "life"... all these people had too.
I might even say that being captured by your ego is some sort of handicap, because the energy that is our very nature cannot penetrate the consciousness... this creates a feeling of lack which we fill with thoughts, feelings, actions that lead to nowhere.
I'm glad I now know better what awareness is, even though i knew i am not my ego i still had thoughts which "i thought would be true" because surely as to everything... there must be rules to god too.
Wrong! God apperently is incredibily "openminded" because i doesn't care if you take psychedelics.. (i thought it did because "god is perfect,then why would it want to take psychedelics")
In fact I think god loves psychedelics, because psychedelics drugs can be or lead the cure for the handicap in our consciousness by cleansing the doors of perception.
I don't know if i will trip again, maybe i will maybe i won't... it doesn't matter. I don't like some of the body sensations that lsd gives me in my stomache sometimes(they are comparable to those iget with mushrooms) after 8 hours of tripping my head feels like a frisbee.
Peace & love
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