yardbirdrc
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2011
- Messages
- 160
Date: 18 January 2014
Time: 1:30pm-10:00pm
Drug: LSD
Dose: 1 Blotter
I'm sure like many of you, my use of psychedelic drugs generally seems to coincide with periods of change or uncertainty in my life. Over the fall and winter of 2013 I was able to employ many of these powerful tools to make adjustments in behavior and attain clarity about the current state of my identity, as well as my individual wants and needs. For the past year or so I've been a single man which was part of what prompted me to call upon this drugs once again. In the time since my last psychedelic experiences, a several year friendship veered relatively spontaneously into romance. This was a turbulent transition, as when we discovered and finally admitted these emotions to each other she was involved in a committed relationship with someone that I also knew quite well. After the fallout from this relatively dramatic sea change, we decided it might be nice to escape to the woods for a few days, and so we booked a cabin in Beaver County by the border with West Virginia. It being January, there was plenty of snow which made the warm glow of the cedar-scented cabin even more alluring.
Sam and I had become quite close as lovers in a relatively rapid period of time. Though unusual, the pace was not terribly surprising given the fact that we'd been close friends for about two years. I suggested that we take LSD together at the cabin to bring us even closer and she eagerly agreed. This would be her second experience with the drug; somewhere in the late teens for me. The material of choice was from the currently circulating dolphin print. Ecstasydata has them at 75ug, but who knows. I've found these to be a very satisfying dosage level for casual experiments such as this, despite Shulgin's assertion that no such thing exists. The crystal quality is the lower bound of what I would consider "good" acid. Proper visuals and a nice headspace, relatively clean in the body but with a little bit of edge here and there - the ascent and descent being a little dicey. Still, undeniably good acid. Not great, but good.
We spent Friday night preparing my grandmother's sunday gravy, something I try to do with all new lady accomplices. Crushed tomatoes are added to a battuto of onion, leek, shallot, garlic, carrot and fresh herbs - this is simmered for three to four hours with a wide variety of meats until they have reached the desired tenderness and all notes of acidity have left the tomatoes. As the sauce gently bubbled on the stove, filling the cabin with childhood memories, I rolled a joint of some Bogglegum and we made ridiculously intimate love for hours. We drifted to sleep an entanglement of limbs, bellies filled with gnocchi and chianti, completely decompressed of all stressful vapors and ready to have our worlds opened by the sweet hum of Lucy in the morning.
When we awoke we improvised a breakfast of cheap steaks, fried eggs and wine-soaked vegetables. After a shower and some tea, we dropped our tabs and settled on the couch to talk and await the onset. By 20 minutes in we were getting alerts, and at nearly an hour we decided to layer up and brave the cold for a brief hike. I placed clothes on myself very methodically as the effects slowly became less and less deniable. We struck out and wandered relatively aimlessly through the campground, eventually coming across an older couple who were fiddling with a trail map. We stopped to chew the fat with them briefly, finding no difficulty in communication. In fact I felt an enhanced compassion - my interaction with them was subtley toned and gesticulated like it might be with a close friend or family member. I felt that I was radiating a gentle sense of peace and love.
We paused by a small spillway and watched the ice vibrate. I was communicating with Alfred via text message and he sent us a picture of a peacock from sunny Austin, Texas - a stark juxtaposition with our current surroundings. As we trekked back uphill to the cabin from this half-hour outdoor interim I noticed that the effects were steeply increasing. Our glasses steamed as we were greeted with the warmth from the maxed-out thermostat, and my heart rate increased. I became relatively confused and foggy for a few minutes as I awkwardly shed layers. I could feel the acid cutting into my muscles significantly and I decided to smooth it out with 1mg of etizolam. The last several times I've taken LSD I've ended up taking some kind of GABA-ergic. I used to consider this a point of shame and weakness, but ultimately I've come to terms with the fact that it allows me to enjoy the effects of LSD in relative peace and comfort without diminished effect. It's hard to really feel too bad about that.
"What is consciousness? Is it thought? What is essence?"
I put on a Dave's Picks and we spent the next 2 hours on the couch, mind-melding as we stared into the fractal void developing on the ceiling. There's really nothing in this world quite like the Dead and some good acid. I felt Sam and I growing closer in this time period as we giddily described our visual fields and waxed poetic about the virtues of life and love - everything from plant consciousness to color perception. Color was a motif for the trip in general, and Sam's perception of color and appreciation for the visual experience is one of the things that attracted me to her in the first place. I greatly admire the way she expresses herself visually, from the way she clothes herself to the way she adorns her apartment, and I see this as something I'd like to become more in touch with in my own life. In general Sam embodies many qualities that I've recently vowed to incorporate into the current iteration of my identity - particularly her creative and unihibited spirit. She considers me a similar embodiment of desired qualities - she prizes my sense of compassion and openness. All of this was ruminated and solidifed on the couch.
After a snack of some delicious yogurt we transitioned to the bedroom. There we did largely the same thing we did on the couch, stare at the ceiling and cultivate our connection. Staring into the overhead lamp, a fogged glass dome with two bulbs inside, I saw a rainbow spectrum of colors evolve. The lamp looked a bit like an irridescent, electric jellyfish. After a few minutes of staring into this abyss I was surprised to discover a color that I had no name for. I had, of course, heard of this potential psychedelic effect yet I had never experienced it. It was beautiful, obviously. That's about all I can say about it. Eventually it dawned on us that we had been staring at light bulbs and that this was reminiscent of the old acid wive's tale about the furry freak who stared himself blind at the sun. We closed our eyes and the after-images burned on our retinas began to undulate into a variety of beautiful color combinations and shapes. Sam exclaimed that she was moving through a tunnel of gorgeous visual effects behind her eyelids, and I held her as she cooed a variety of oohs and ahhs.
Music was varied throughout this time period, moving from Bon Iver to Cannonball Adderley. Eventually we decided to explore each other sexually. This felt strangely religious. As I explored her I was reminded of the Hindu vaginal icon "Yoni", which represents the goddess Shakti. Coneptually, Shakti represents the divinely creative nature of the female essence. As I tasted her I imagined that I was tasting something eternal and universal, and that in a way I was worshipping all women in some kind of erotic, physical prayer. We transitioned from the Yoni into the Lingam as she laid me down with gentle arms and explored me. "You're painting pictures behind my eyes" I gasped as she buried her face into the nape of my neck. "I love necks. They're so strong, but so vulnerable", she said. This spoke deeply about the dynamic of our relationship - both of us felt comfortable making ourselves vulnerable for the other's pleasure. In fact, we were quite excited by it. Though she was essentially commanding all the action in this portion of the experience there was an intense vibe of vulnerability and service coming off of her. She was at my command by her own choice, and this was no chore to her. As Yoni and Lingam merged I felt an intense connection to the ultimate nonduality of reality as I percieve it. This had been a topic of conversation earlier in the evening. There we lay, two cosmic wavelengths amplifying each other as the LSD was slowly leaving our bodies around hour six of the experience.
The sex was ultimately non-climactic, at least until it was revisited after the effects had died down. This was unsurprising. Sex on LSD isn't really about sex at all.
Shaking with weakness and cold as if we had been reborn, we left the bedroom and I soon found myself unceremoniously glugging chianti from its bottle in the shower. There was a bench in the shower; for some reason this was the handicap-accessible cabin. I sat and let the water wash over my head as Sam and I talked about the sexual experience and about our closeness in general. I began to feel like a drained and confused non-carbon based alien being as I gingerly patted myself dry.
"Sometimes I feel like I'm not a human being at all, really. And then sometimes I feel like I'm one of the only ones. This is a luxury, very few people live on this level."
We talked for a while about how many people live to be comfortable, and how we both ultimately craved being uncomfortable. We both fear stasis. That's why we do things like this. Neither of us are trying to be anything, nor have we ever. Neither of us has an identity in our minds that we try to live up to. Neither of us has expectations. We let ourselves develop naturally and passively, and we simply seek to understand them as they occur. It felt incredible to share such a fundamental similarity with someone. It felt like love, and it felt scary.
I was fading by hour seven. The acid had mostly left and my body felt withered and used. Sam, who was feeling relatively intact, evoked motherly images as she nursed me back to health by preparing progressively more nourishing foods, reminding me to stay hydrated and helping me find my pack of cigarettes. Soon I found myself back in the world of the living.
We kicked around the cabin talking and listening until I fell asleep around midnight clutching Sam and feeling deeply fulfilled, as if through this experience we had officially smashed the champagne on a new beginning. She had a harder time falling asleep and really only got a few tranced out hours of rest by the time morning arrived. I rose from bed and let her sleep as I cleaned and packed our supplies in the cabin. I felt a deep sense of completeness as I prepared her a cup of tea and delivered it to her with a kiss right as she was first sitting up. Making her happy filled me with purpose and joy. It's been years since I've felt that kind of symbiosis. A sense of peace and wellbeing remained with me throughout the rest of the day.
The bonding qualities of LSD are quite pronounced - I felt this worth mentioning despite the fact that it's already generally known and accepted. The intellecutal and spiritual bond that was strengthened by this experience will soon be supplemented with an emotional one via MDMA's action.
I love LSD, and I love love. And I love you, whoever you are that may be reading this. Go love someone else about it.
Time: 1:30pm-10:00pm
Drug: LSD
Dose: 1 Blotter
I'm sure like many of you, my use of psychedelic drugs generally seems to coincide with periods of change or uncertainty in my life. Over the fall and winter of 2013 I was able to employ many of these powerful tools to make adjustments in behavior and attain clarity about the current state of my identity, as well as my individual wants and needs. For the past year or so I've been a single man which was part of what prompted me to call upon this drugs once again. In the time since my last psychedelic experiences, a several year friendship veered relatively spontaneously into romance. This was a turbulent transition, as when we discovered and finally admitted these emotions to each other she was involved in a committed relationship with someone that I also knew quite well. After the fallout from this relatively dramatic sea change, we decided it might be nice to escape to the woods for a few days, and so we booked a cabin in Beaver County by the border with West Virginia. It being January, there was plenty of snow which made the warm glow of the cedar-scented cabin even more alluring.
Sam and I had become quite close as lovers in a relatively rapid period of time. Though unusual, the pace was not terribly surprising given the fact that we'd been close friends for about two years. I suggested that we take LSD together at the cabin to bring us even closer and she eagerly agreed. This would be her second experience with the drug; somewhere in the late teens for me. The material of choice was from the currently circulating dolphin print. Ecstasydata has them at 75ug, but who knows. I've found these to be a very satisfying dosage level for casual experiments such as this, despite Shulgin's assertion that no such thing exists. The crystal quality is the lower bound of what I would consider "good" acid. Proper visuals and a nice headspace, relatively clean in the body but with a little bit of edge here and there - the ascent and descent being a little dicey. Still, undeniably good acid. Not great, but good.
We spent Friday night preparing my grandmother's sunday gravy, something I try to do with all new lady accomplices. Crushed tomatoes are added to a battuto of onion, leek, shallot, garlic, carrot and fresh herbs - this is simmered for three to four hours with a wide variety of meats until they have reached the desired tenderness and all notes of acidity have left the tomatoes. As the sauce gently bubbled on the stove, filling the cabin with childhood memories, I rolled a joint of some Bogglegum and we made ridiculously intimate love for hours. We drifted to sleep an entanglement of limbs, bellies filled with gnocchi and chianti, completely decompressed of all stressful vapors and ready to have our worlds opened by the sweet hum of Lucy in the morning.
When we awoke we improvised a breakfast of cheap steaks, fried eggs and wine-soaked vegetables. After a shower and some tea, we dropped our tabs and settled on the couch to talk and await the onset. By 20 minutes in we were getting alerts, and at nearly an hour we decided to layer up and brave the cold for a brief hike. I placed clothes on myself very methodically as the effects slowly became less and less deniable. We struck out and wandered relatively aimlessly through the campground, eventually coming across an older couple who were fiddling with a trail map. We stopped to chew the fat with them briefly, finding no difficulty in communication. In fact I felt an enhanced compassion - my interaction with them was subtley toned and gesticulated like it might be with a close friend or family member. I felt that I was radiating a gentle sense of peace and love.
We paused by a small spillway and watched the ice vibrate. I was communicating with Alfred via text message and he sent us a picture of a peacock from sunny Austin, Texas - a stark juxtaposition with our current surroundings. As we trekked back uphill to the cabin from this half-hour outdoor interim I noticed that the effects were steeply increasing. Our glasses steamed as we were greeted with the warmth from the maxed-out thermostat, and my heart rate increased. I became relatively confused and foggy for a few minutes as I awkwardly shed layers. I could feel the acid cutting into my muscles significantly and I decided to smooth it out with 1mg of etizolam. The last several times I've taken LSD I've ended up taking some kind of GABA-ergic. I used to consider this a point of shame and weakness, but ultimately I've come to terms with the fact that it allows me to enjoy the effects of LSD in relative peace and comfort without diminished effect. It's hard to really feel too bad about that.
"What is consciousness? Is it thought? What is essence?"
I put on a Dave's Picks and we spent the next 2 hours on the couch, mind-melding as we stared into the fractal void developing on the ceiling. There's really nothing in this world quite like the Dead and some good acid. I felt Sam and I growing closer in this time period as we giddily described our visual fields and waxed poetic about the virtues of life and love - everything from plant consciousness to color perception. Color was a motif for the trip in general, and Sam's perception of color and appreciation for the visual experience is one of the things that attracted me to her in the first place. I greatly admire the way she expresses herself visually, from the way she clothes herself to the way she adorns her apartment, and I see this as something I'd like to become more in touch with in my own life. In general Sam embodies many qualities that I've recently vowed to incorporate into the current iteration of my identity - particularly her creative and unihibited spirit. She considers me a similar embodiment of desired qualities - she prizes my sense of compassion and openness. All of this was ruminated and solidifed on the couch.
After a snack of some delicious yogurt we transitioned to the bedroom. There we did largely the same thing we did on the couch, stare at the ceiling and cultivate our connection. Staring into the overhead lamp, a fogged glass dome with two bulbs inside, I saw a rainbow spectrum of colors evolve. The lamp looked a bit like an irridescent, electric jellyfish. After a few minutes of staring into this abyss I was surprised to discover a color that I had no name for. I had, of course, heard of this potential psychedelic effect yet I had never experienced it. It was beautiful, obviously. That's about all I can say about it. Eventually it dawned on us that we had been staring at light bulbs and that this was reminiscent of the old acid wive's tale about the furry freak who stared himself blind at the sun. We closed our eyes and the after-images burned on our retinas began to undulate into a variety of beautiful color combinations and shapes. Sam exclaimed that she was moving through a tunnel of gorgeous visual effects behind her eyelids, and I held her as she cooed a variety of oohs and ahhs.
Music was varied throughout this time period, moving from Bon Iver to Cannonball Adderley. Eventually we decided to explore each other sexually. This felt strangely religious. As I explored her I was reminded of the Hindu vaginal icon "Yoni", which represents the goddess Shakti. Coneptually, Shakti represents the divinely creative nature of the female essence. As I tasted her I imagined that I was tasting something eternal and universal, and that in a way I was worshipping all women in some kind of erotic, physical prayer. We transitioned from the Yoni into the Lingam as she laid me down with gentle arms and explored me. "You're painting pictures behind my eyes" I gasped as she buried her face into the nape of my neck. "I love necks. They're so strong, but so vulnerable", she said. This spoke deeply about the dynamic of our relationship - both of us felt comfortable making ourselves vulnerable for the other's pleasure. In fact, we were quite excited by it. Though she was essentially commanding all the action in this portion of the experience there was an intense vibe of vulnerability and service coming off of her. She was at my command by her own choice, and this was no chore to her. As Yoni and Lingam merged I felt an intense connection to the ultimate nonduality of reality as I percieve it. This had been a topic of conversation earlier in the evening. There we lay, two cosmic wavelengths amplifying each other as the LSD was slowly leaving our bodies around hour six of the experience.
The sex was ultimately non-climactic, at least until it was revisited after the effects had died down. This was unsurprising. Sex on LSD isn't really about sex at all.
Shaking with weakness and cold as if we had been reborn, we left the bedroom and I soon found myself unceremoniously glugging chianti from its bottle in the shower. There was a bench in the shower; for some reason this was the handicap-accessible cabin. I sat and let the water wash over my head as Sam and I talked about the sexual experience and about our closeness in general. I began to feel like a drained and confused non-carbon based alien being as I gingerly patted myself dry.
"Sometimes I feel like I'm not a human being at all, really. And then sometimes I feel like I'm one of the only ones. This is a luxury, very few people live on this level."
We talked for a while about how many people live to be comfortable, and how we both ultimately craved being uncomfortable. We both fear stasis. That's why we do things like this. Neither of us are trying to be anything, nor have we ever. Neither of us has an identity in our minds that we try to live up to. Neither of us has expectations. We let ourselves develop naturally and passively, and we simply seek to understand them as they occur. It felt incredible to share such a fundamental similarity with someone. It felt like love, and it felt scary.
I was fading by hour seven. The acid had mostly left and my body felt withered and used. Sam, who was feeling relatively intact, evoked motherly images as she nursed me back to health by preparing progressively more nourishing foods, reminding me to stay hydrated and helping me find my pack of cigarettes. Soon I found myself back in the world of the living.
We kicked around the cabin talking and listening until I fell asleep around midnight clutching Sam and feeling deeply fulfilled, as if through this experience we had officially smashed the champagne on a new beginning. She had a harder time falling asleep and really only got a few tranced out hours of rest by the time morning arrived. I rose from bed and let her sleep as I cleaned and packed our supplies in the cabin. I felt a deep sense of completeness as I prepared her a cup of tea and delivered it to her with a kiss right as she was first sitting up. Making her happy filled me with purpose and joy. It's been years since I've felt that kind of symbiosis. A sense of peace and wellbeing remained with me throughout the rest of the day.
The bonding qualities of LSD are quite pronounced - I felt this worth mentioning despite the fact that it's already generally known and accepted. The intellecutal and spiritual bond that was strengthened by this experience will soon be supplemented with an emotional one via MDMA's action.
I love LSD, and I love love. And I love you, whoever you are that may be reading this. Go love someone else about it.
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