zebrideluxe
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2004
- Messages
- 120
i guess this will get very long, but its up to you if you want to read anyways. so.
i must start to tell you about the first time i had lsa. it was quite the worst setting you can imagine, and i was really stupid taking it. back then i had very less drug experience, i think only cannabis, alcohol and salvia. and i never really head a breakthrough into a salvia trip as my friend described them.
i came home from a boring party, was stoned and drunken and then decided to take 5 hawaiian baby woodrose seeds. immediately after, i fall asleep. i woke up in the middle of the night and felt so wrong in this situation. i thought that three dimensions weren't enough for me to express and release the energy in my body. i thought about hammering against the wall with my fists, or run till i would be really exhausted. but i decided to watch some movies and let me be sidetracked by that. that worked, i watched 3 movies in a row and fell asleep then.
when i woke up again i decided never to take this drug anymore, because it had been pure horror - the feeling of not belonging in this universe.
so yesterday, about 1 year later, i was in a different situation. i made some drug experiences and therefore felt comfortable trying lsa again. although i thought it wouldn't really work for me. i read some at erowid and everything sounded okay. 4-5seeds for a first time, as which i considered my second time. it also said that furthermore you could take up to 15. so well okay i though. let`s try it:
i am at home, its 8pm in the evening. i decide to take six seeds. i eat them, they are hard to chew but its possible. they taste pretty ugly, and i drink some lemonsoda to kill the taste in my mouth. it works. i prepare my waterpipe with delicious egyptian apple tabbaco. i smoke away and im very chilled. my stomach hurts abit, and i think i will not go out anymore. i read more trip reports on lsa in the net.
i decide to take 3 more seeds. its 9pm. 1 hour ago i took the first 6 seeds. during the next 2hours euphoria comes up on me. it feels very real, but more real than the normal reality. though abit like on mdma. so i decide to go out dancing. im very fit again. there is not really a party going on, but there is one student party where you can dance. i dont like the place because they play shit music. i normally only like clubs where everything fits together and music is a part. not like just one more extra to get the people in to give the club money. in away. but i think i should give it a try, because theres no alternative and i want to do something with my euphoria.
i decide to ask my roommate if he wants to join me. i go to his room and wake him up. i put in a fatboy slim liveset what makes me even more happy with everything. i tell him about the seeds and he also realizes that there is not really a place to go tonight except from that club that isnt really so suitable. we go to the kitchen and sit down.
i start to get visual effects. in my field of vision i perceive everything very intensely. the things that are out of my field of vision cease to exist. i manage to tell my mate how it feels. that makes me kinda glad and i begin to realize that im not brainfucked but because of the very intense awareness of everything in a good mood to talk even about philosophical things. everything seems very clear to me.
"i can almost touch the words im speaking and the ideas that lie beyond"
i say.
i am very self confident in that situation. im totally aware of everything.
"if i was a james bond actor, i`d be sean connery" i say.
pille laughs. he certainly is astonished by my self confidence, as sean connery really tops all of the james bond actors. its like comparing a scale of self confidence with all the james bond actors. roger moore is on the second place. pierce brosnan is a poser and timothy dalton stands for very low self confidence. i can feel that pille is astonished by the self confidence im showing. consciousness itself gets more and more representational. besides that, i feel that i can be very honestly, that i can really be myself, that i dont have to hide anything, that i can really "flow with the moment".
i start to be the moment. my face feels like a mask and it moves away from me. i tell pille and get abit shocked myself. i read about egoloss with lsa on erowid. and i think that it really kicked in. i never expected something like that. i go to the bathroom to see my face. i kind of find myself again there. although i didnt really lose my body. its more like everything belonging to the moment or the situation seems to be in my consciousness now, so the body doesnt take that big part as it normally does. i can feel that pille is somehow part of my experience. i tell him. for him he says its abit similar, though hes sober and its really not comparable. we are in the living room now, listening to kraftwerk sounds. we talk about consciousness, how the moment is everything. like deeply philosophical things. i enjoy. at some point i realize that im very big in comparison to everything else. im not bothered by that, i just give it a laugh.
"on the one hand i am talking philosophical matters with you and on the other hand im partying. its like i dont really have to chose between the two alternatives. normally you chose how you are. for example you are angry in the morning, because you didnt want to stand up. but now i am both. i am partying and i am talking with you, and i really enjoy both." i say
the situation is so surreal yet so real. like i said before. more real than normal reality. and that gives it that surreal touch. somehow we come to talk about yes and no decisions.
"everything is built up from yes and no decisions. uncountable numbers of yes and no decisions made the moment like it is. its like plus and minus, like positive and negative. like a physical view of the world. but on the other side its the same in religion. adam and eva were yes and no in a way too. its incredible." i say
pille aks me if there is a objectiveness in our world then. i tell him that i think so. but i also say that i think that over that objectiveness of yes and no there lies an individual subjectiveness. its like everyone choses how to see the objectiveness. how to judge it. how to perceive it. we talk and talk. its about 12pm. i wonder if im going to club anymore. i ask pille to join me. he doesnt want to. i feel insecure going out without him somehow. he gives me the feeling of being understood in my state of mind. i wonder if i will miss that at the outside. its shortly before 1am. we decide that im going to phone him if im coming back within 1hour or so and he will stay awake. so i dont have to fear that i lose this good situation when exploring the outer world.
i get my bike. driving is very fun. i smile at people. first i think its like on ecstasy but then i realize that i dont have access to them in a way. i feel isolated in the situation abit. still im not giving up because i think some dancing might be fun. many people that i see on the streets look like people i know. or remind me of. i cant judge it. i dont stop when passing them.
i arrive at the club. a friend of mine is there. we talk. hes drunk. i still feel isolated. i go down the stairs to the club to see whats going on. its very crowded. i go to the bathroom and eat another seed. its 1am now. as i come out of the bathroom the room is not as high as it was before. i wonder how the people can stand upright in it since its so low. i lost the friend i was with. lost orientation. but just for a second. found my friend again and walked abit through the crowd. i still felt isolated.
i couldn't handle the situation really. it was too much. i meet another friend and talk to him, he`s also very drunk. then i leave, i dont tell anyone because i dont feel like talk to anyone anymore now. i drive home. im very disturbed and stirred up. i call pille. driving with the bike is still a very good experience. i eat another 2 seeds on the way. its nearly 2am. i arrive home. i ask pille for a cigarette to calm me down. i bought him cigarettes on my way home. i smoke and im calming down slowly. i can feel he feels that im stirred up. i want to come down to the moment again, flow with everything again. it needs some time. but then we talk again, about this and that. its very fun.
"nothing comes from nothing" i say. "that proves that there comes something from something, because "nothing" comes from "nothing". nothing like the idea of nothing, very representational. this sentence means the total opposite of what its supposed to mean"
we laugh.
we eat and drink and smoke. everything tastes wonderful and im really calmed down by now. when he reads in the newspaper its disturbing me very hard because i feel hes not confronting the situation then. not going with the moment. not paying attention to me and everything. the newspaper is fun though. there is a survey on cheap airlines. a man says "i want to fly too." the sentence stands alone somehow. totally nonsensical. im coming down from the lsa. i feel it wearing off. it leaves a very comfortable feeling behind. like lying in bed when its really cold outside. very comfortable. like when you are very stoned.
i read stuff in the newspaper while pille has a shower. he`s going to drive to his parents and returning the next week. when he leaves i get to chairs out of his car and smoke a cigarette at the outside. its beautiful everything. i go to bed. i sleep 3hours. 9pm.i wake up. someone is ringing the bell. i turn of the radio-alarmclocks that go full volume. its my neighbour in the door. he shouts at me, saying he cant sleep with that loud music and stuff. i apologize a few times. i feel fucked.
i reckon i have to be at the uni at 9am. so i go the bus station by bike. there i miss the bus and have to wait 10minutes. a woman gives me a cigarette that i smoke. we wait at the station. the feeling i have is pretty similar to how i feel when getting up after being very stoned when also just sleeping very short. im very passive, yet everything is very fine with me. i still perceive things more intense than normal.
i drive to the uni where i get a coffee and a snack first. at 10pm i join into the lecture. i talk to my friend there and listen abit to the lector. i decide to go home at noon, although i would have uni all day. time passes by fast. it seems like i not totally regained my sense for time. moments still, as in the night, tend to feel very long. at the way home i enjoy watching people alot. i still perceive very intense. still everything is beautiful in a way and still im abit flowing with the moment. i get home. now its 15pm and im home and almost finished with this report.
although the report is pretty long, i never could tell you all the things i experienced. there are many details left that come to my mind now and then. maybe i will add them later, but otherwise i think this should give you a good idea of how the trip was for me anyway. funny thing was: i think i went to the toilete like 10times from 8pm to 5am. although i didnt drink so much, maybe 2litres. isnt that strange?
im really looking forward to try lsa again. i have like 50seeds left and i certainly will try going out to a good club on friday or next week while being on lsa. exploring more things while being in this state of mind seems a great idea to me.
i must start to tell you about the first time i had lsa. it was quite the worst setting you can imagine, and i was really stupid taking it. back then i had very less drug experience, i think only cannabis, alcohol and salvia. and i never really head a breakthrough into a salvia trip as my friend described them.
i came home from a boring party, was stoned and drunken and then decided to take 5 hawaiian baby woodrose seeds. immediately after, i fall asleep. i woke up in the middle of the night and felt so wrong in this situation. i thought that three dimensions weren't enough for me to express and release the energy in my body. i thought about hammering against the wall with my fists, or run till i would be really exhausted. but i decided to watch some movies and let me be sidetracked by that. that worked, i watched 3 movies in a row and fell asleep then.
when i woke up again i decided never to take this drug anymore, because it had been pure horror - the feeling of not belonging in this universe.
so yesterday, about 1 year later, i was in a different situation. i made some drug experiences and therefore felt comfortable trying lsa again. although i thought it wouldn't really work for me. i read some at erowid and everything sounded okay. 4-5seeds for a first time, as which i considered my second time. it also said that furthermore you could take up to 15. so well okay i though. let`s try it:
i am at home, its 8pm in the evening. i decide to take six seeds. i eat them, they are hard to chew but its possible. they taste pretty ugly, and i drink some lemonsoda to kill the taste in my mouth. it works. i prepare my waterpipe with delicious egyptian apple tabbaco. i smoke away and im very chilled. my stomach hurts abit, and i think i will not go out anymore. i read more trip reports on lsa in the net.
i decide to take 3 more seeds. its 9pm. 1 hour ago i took the first 6 seeds. during the next 2hours euphoria comes up on me. it feels very real, but more real than the normal reality. though abit like on mdma. so i decide to go out dancing. im very fit again. there is not really a party going on, but there is one student party where you can dance. i dont like the place because they play shit music. i normally only like clubs where everything fits together and music is a part. not like just one more extra to get the people in to give the club money. in away. but i think i should give it a try, because theres no alternative and i want to do something with my euphoria.
i decide to ask my roommate if he wants to join me. i go to his room and wake him up. i put in a fatboy slim liveset what makes me even more happy with everything. i tell him about the seeds and he also realizes that there is not really a place to go tonight except from that club that isnt really so suitable. we go to the kitchen and sit down.
i start to get visual effects. in my field of vision i perceive everything very intensely. the things that are out of my field of vision cease to exist. i manage to tell my mate how it feels. that makes me kinda glad and i begin to realize that im not brainfucked but because of the very intense awareness of everything in a good mood to talk even about philosophical things. everything seems very clear to me.
"i can almost touch the words im speaking and the ideas that lie beyond"
i say.
i am very self confident in that situation. im totally aware of everything.
"if i was a james bond actor, i`d be sean connery" i say.
pille laughs. he certainly is astonished by my self confidence, as sean connery really tops all of the james bond actors. its like comparing a scale of self confidence with all the james bond actors. roger moore is on the second place. pierce brosnan is a poser and timothy dalton stands for very low self confidence. i can feel that pille is astonished by the self confidence im showing. consciousness itself gets more and more representational. besides that, i feel that i can be very honestly, that i can really be myself, that i dont have to hide anything, that i can really "flow with the moment".
i start to be the moment. my face feels like a mask and it moves away from me. i tell pille and get abit shocked myself. i read about egoloss with lsa on erowid. and i think that it really kicked in. i never expected something like that. i go to the bathroom to see my face. i kind of find myself again there. although i didnt really lose my body. its more like everything belonging to the moment or the situation seems to be in my consciousness now, so the body doesnt take that big part as it normally does. i can feel that pille is somehow part of my experience. i tell him. for him he says its abit similar, though hes sober and its really not comparable. we are in the living room now, listening to kraftwerk sounds. we talk about consciousness, how the moment is everything. like deeply philosophical things. i enjoy. at some point i realize that im very big in comparison to everything else. im not bothered by that, i just give it a laugh.
"on the one hand i am talking philosophical matters with you and on the other hand im partying. its like i dont really have to chose between the two alternatives. normally you chose how you are. for example you are angry in the morning, because you didnt want to stand up. but now i am both. i am partying and i am talking with you, and i really enjoy both." i say
the situation is so surreal yet so real. like i said before. more real than normal reality. and that gives it that surreal touch. somehow we come to talk about yes and no decisions.
"everything is built up from yes and no decisions. uncountable numbers of yes and no decisions made the moment like it is. its like plus and minus, like positive and negative. like a physical view of the world. but on the other side its the same in religion. adam and eva were yes and no in a way too. its incredible." i say
pille aks me if there is a objectiveness in our world then. i tell him that i think so. but i also say that i think that over that objectiveness of yes and no there lies an individual subjectiveness. its like everyone choses how to see the objectiveness. how to judge it. how to perceive it. we talk and talk. its about 12pm. i wonder if im going to club anymore. i ask pille to join me. he doesnt want to. i feel insecure going out without him somehow. he gives me the feeling of being understood in my state of mind. i wonder if i will miss that at the outside. its shortly before 1am. we decide that im going to phone him if im coming back within 1hour or so and he will stay awake. so i dont have to fear that i lose this good situation when exploring the outer world.
i get my bike. driving is very fun. i smile at people. first i think its like on ecstasy but then i realize that i dont have access to them in a way. i feel isolated in the situation abit. still im not giving up because i think some dancing might be fun. many people that i see on the streets look like people i know. or remind me of. i cant judge it. i dont stop when passing them.
i arrive at the club. a friend of mine is there. we talk. hes drunk. i still feel isolated. i go down the stairs to the club to see whats going on. its very crowded. i go to the bathroom and eat another seed. its 1am now. as i come out of the bathroom the room is not as high as it was before. i wonder how the people can stand upright in it since its so low. i lost the friend i was with. lost orientation. but just for a second. found my friend again and walked abit through the crowd. i still felt isolated.
i couldn't handle the situation really. it was too much. i meet another friend and talk to him, he`s also very drunk. then i leave, i dont tell anyone because i dont feel like talk to anyone anymore now. i drive home. im very disturbed and stirred up. i call pille. driving with the bike is still a very good experience. i eat another 2 seeds on the way. its nearly 2am. i arrive home. i ask pille for a cigarette to calm me down. i bought him cigarettes on my way home. i smoke and im calming down slowly. i can feel he feels that im stirred up. i want to come down to the moment again, flow with everything again. it needs some time. but then we talk again, about this and that. its very fun.
"nothing comes from nothing" i say. "that proves that there comes something from something, because "nothing" comes from "nothing". nothing like the idea of nothing, very representational. this sentence means the total opposite of what its supposed to mean"
we laugh.
we eat and drink and smoke. everything tastes wonderful and im really calmed down by now. when he reads in the newspaper its disturbing me very hard because i feel hes not confronting the situation then. not going with the moment. not paying attention to me and everything. the newspaper is fun though. there is a survey on cheap airlines. a man says "i want to fly too." the sentence stands alone somehow. totally nonsensical. im coming down from the lsa. i feel it wearing off. it leaves a very comfortable feeling behind. like lying in bed when its really cold outside. very comfortable. like when you are very stoned.
i read stuff in the newspaper while pille has a shower. he`s going to drive to his parents and returning the next week. when he leaves i get to chairs out of his car and smoke a cigarette at the outside. its beautiful everything. i go to bed. i sleep 3hours. 9pm.i wake up. someone is ringing the bell. i turn of the radio-alarmclocks that go full volume. its my neighbour in the door. he shouts at me, saying he cant sleep with that loud music and stuff. i apologize a few times. i feel fucked.
i reckon i have to be at the uni at 9am. so i go the bus station by bike. there i miss the bus and have to wait 10minutes. a woman gives me a cigarette that i smoke. we wait at the station. the feeling i have is pretty similar to how i feel when getting up after being very stoned when also just sleeping very short. im very passive, yet everything is very fine with me. i still perceive things more intense than normal.
i drive to the uni where i get a coffee and a snack first. at 10pm i join into the lecture. i talk to my friend there and listen abit to the lector. i decide to go home at noon, although i would have uni all day. time passes by fast. it seems like i not totally regained my sense for time. moments still, as in the night, tend to feel very long. at the way home i enjoy watching people alot. i still perceive very intense. still everything is beautiful in a way and still im abit flowing with the moment. i get home. now its 15pm and im home and almost finished with this report.
although the report is pretty long, i never could tell you all the things i experienced. there are many details left that come to my mind now and then. maybe i will add them later, but otherwise i think this should give you a good idea of how the trip was for me anyway. funny thing was: i think i went to the toilete like 10times from 8pm to 5am. although i didnt drink so much, maybe 2litres. isnt that strange?
im really looking forward to try lsa again. i have like 50seeds left and i certainly will try going out to a good club on friday or next week while being on lsa. exploring more things while being in this state of mind seems a great idea to me.
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