Love and Psychedelics - Can I love ever again?

[skeptictreehugger]

Hi!


I would like to start a discussion on magic mushrooms and their impact on love life. What can happen if you are in love with a bad person for you and you end up taking a psychedelic.

In a nutshell: I have used shrooms thinking about a person, who was a bad and unhealthy choice for me, but because I was so much in love with him, mushrooms multiplied those feelings and i ended up with ego dissolution and feeling maximum of Love one can possibly feel. Since I broke up with him, I could not feel love again. Also, SSRIs and Abilify are in the game too. This is not some personal rant, it has everything to do with brain chemistry.

Full story im more details:
I specifically want to talk about my experience. You see, there was a guy, with whom I fell in love with on the first sight. The discussions were endless, the spark in his eyes, the electricity i felt in my palms when we touched, his handsomeness, cleverness, tenderness. Yet I felt nothing, when we kissed. But that might be because I suffered from depression back then. But I am digressing.


Because it was my first and last psychedelic experience and I had a bad setting - people I was with were strangers to me, one of them outright unfriendly and I felt like it was becoming a bad trip, therefore I put on some sitar music and thought of him. If you ever read Harry Potter, thinking of him was my version of a Patronus spell. So I ended up having amazing trip seeing universe, the Buddha, boddhisatvas, Jesus and him.
And the love I felt for was multiplied by thousands of times and lead to my ego dissolution in Love. I never felt more calm nor peaceful. And I was not my old self anymore. Yet, he was not a right person for me, he treated me coldly for some reasons. So I ended up breaking up with him a month later. It was the most painful thing I did.

I think that mushrooms amplify everything that is inside you.So I am not saying that my love for him was not real, but I want to say that use of mushrooms was too powerful. I feel like I will never feel such feeling of unlimited love transcending time and space and strong bond like with him anymore. It is because of various factors, mainly because I am on SSRIs (Luvox is a miracle though), and Abilify. I am quitting abilify (i have never been psychotic, it is just adjunct therapy for depression and anxiety). But I cannot do mushrooms anymore, because it is too dangerous for my mental stability and i might end up with psychosis.

But what I wanted to say is, that antipsychotics not only caused me temporary gential anesthesia /which means I cannot feel pleasure in genitals, it affects like 0.2 percent of users/, but I also swear these chemicals cause inability to stay in love. I am a hopeless romantic, but those feelings are only temporary. On one hand, it is a pro, because I use rationality far more, sor I pick better partners and dont fall head over heels. But at the same time, and I guess you probably get it. I AM AFRAID I WILL NEVER FEEL THAT LOVE AGAIN. IN SUCH INTENSITY AND POWER. I burned so much. I burned out. All my capacity to love might be gone. That is what i feel. Anyone here who can advise me or who had similar experience?

Thank you. I only recently realized how powerful it was and how emotionally crippled I am at the moment. Also, this trip and thing with him happened in 2012. So yeah. Ever since, there have been boyfriends, but my affections did not last. I dont know how should i deal with it. I feel like just talk therapy wouldnt suffice, it never helped in any way.

 

[pill_billy]

straight up didnt read one wrd other then the title and I really feel as though it shuld be can I ever love again... jus my 2 cents tho

 

[skeptictreehugger]

straight up didnt read one wrd other then the title and I really feel as though it shuld be can I ever love again... jus my 2 cents tho

Well, thank you for a very thoughtful answer.

It has everything to do with psychedelics, more precisely mushrooms. In a nutshell: I have used shrooms thinking about a person, who was a bad and unhealthy choice for me, but because I was so much in love with him, mushrooms multiplied those feelings and i ended up with ego dissolution and feeling maximum of Love one can possibly feel. Since I broke up with him, I could not feel love again. Also, SSRIs and Abilify are in the game too. This is not some personal rant, it has everything to do with brain chemistry.

I should have posted it in a shorter form. But you see, I wanted to go into details, so that you guys can fully comprehend gravity of the situation.

 

[tired of crap]

I have used psychedelics whilst in love, loathing and everywhere in between.

During my previous, 10 year, relationship we both tripped numerous times, on various psyches.
Unfortunately we were very codependent and the relationship became quite toxic over the years.

The trips throughout this time would evoke feelings of love - as I remembered all the great times we had and reasons I loved her - but at the same time the undelying issues would become more prevalent and most trips were far from the bliss you described.

Eventually we split though. Ive been working on my issues since and figured it was best not to dump these problems on someone else. What Im learning is that I have to love myself before I can love someone else again. Honestly I wouldnt give up on finding love again, I just think you have to keep wading through all the potential partners who just arent quite right for you until you find the One.

Im reminded of this old Tiesto song: Love Comes Again

 

[Moxious]

I would think this has more to do with your medications than the mushrooms. Psychedelics can definitely make you feel strong manifestations of normal feelings like you described, but they usually don't create any sort of deficit in sober life.

Don't take this as advice to cease your medication of course

 

[Xorkoth]

I was in a bad, emotionally abusive/controlling relationship for 12 years... we got together when we were 18 and I had little self-esteem in terms of thinking women would be into me, so I ignored a lot of red flags. As time went on it got worse and worse. I ended up addicted to opiates for 10 years, which I later realized was my only way of coping with how bad things were and how much pain I was in and how much I started to hate myself for constantly making excuses for why she would treat me that way. Finally we split, and I did ibogaine and got off opiates... the ibogaine helped me to get back to a place where I loved myself. I worked on my life, started doing things I loved again (playing music, spending time with friends, etc). I started working out and got to feeling really good about myself. Then I met a great girl, it started out casual but I feel in love again. I couldn't have imagined it for a while after my ex and I split, when you're in love with someone or have recently been, it seems so weird to imagine that with someone else. But just give it time, attend to yourself, build your own life up and don't worry about finding love. Learn from your past mistakes... now you know some things you DON'T want and that won't work for you, and you probably also know some things that you DO want. When you start dating people, pay attention to those things and be honest with yourself and potential partners, and don't settle for something less than what you know you need.

 

[skeptictreehugger]

I have used psychedelics whilst in love, loathing and everywhere in between.

During my previous, 10 year, relationship we both tripped numerous times, on various psyches.
Unfortunately we were very codependent and the relationship became quite toxic over the years.

The trips throughout this time would evoke feelings of love - as I remembered all the great times we had and reasons I loved her - but at the same time the undelying issues would become more prevalent and most trips were far from the bliss you described.

Eventually we split though. Ive been working on my issues since and figured it was best not to dump these problems on someone else. What Im learning is that I have to love myself before I can love someone else again. Honestly I wouldnt give up on finding love again, I just think you have to keep wading through all the potential partners who just arent quite right for you until you find the One.

Im reminded of this old Tiesto song: Love Comes Again

At fist I thought you were totally right. Why should they create a deficit? But then, they created it indirectly, they were in the beginning. The strenghtened my connection to him thousands of times, therefore it caused me tremendous psychological damage in the long turn, that is why i feel crippled.
But the part about psychatric medication rings so true. Fortunately, I will be able to be Abilify free soon due to supplement called N-acetylcysteine. I went from 20mg to approximately 1mg at the moment, which is miraculous. I just hope all my emotional and pleasure centers behave accordingly when i am completely free of it.
I guess I will never know, until I recover from the so called medication.

 

[skeptictreehugger]

I was in a bad, emotionally abusive/controlling relationship for 12 years... we got together when we were 18 and I had little self-esteem in terms of thinking women would be into me, so I ignored a lot of red flags. As time went on it got worse and worse. I ended up addicted to opiates for 10 years, which I later realized was my only way of coping with how bad things were and how much pain I was in and how much I started to hate myself for constantly making excuses for why she would treat me that way. Finally we split, and I did ibogaine and got off opiates... the ibogaine helped me to get back to a place where I loved myself. I worked on my life, started doing things I loved again (playing music, spending time with friends, etc). I started working out and got to feeling really good about myself. Then I met a great girl, it started out casual but I feel in love again. I couldn't have imagined it for a while after my ex and I split, when you're in love with someone or have recently been, it seems so weird to imagine that with someone else. But just give it time, attend to yourself, build your own life up and don't worry about finding love. Learn from your past mistakes... now you know some things you DON'T want and that won't work for you, and you probably also know some things that you DO want. When you start dating people, pay attention to those things and be honest with yourself and potential partners, and don't settle for something less than what you know you need.

Thank you for sharing your experience, I am glad, you recovered completely. I think it is OK, to seek psychedelics in order to repair yourself, unfortunately I do not have this opportunity, cause I might have a propensity to a state close to a psychosis. Or at least that is what I was told. Anyways, I think that using psychedelics should not be tied to love matters. Because if it is true love, then why do you need it? If it is not, why lie to yourself and strenghten a bad connection? I actually kinda misused the mushrooms, because I had a revelation, that we won't be together and I ignored it and then proceeded to feel all the affection I had for him in order to have a great trip. I was foolish.

 

[pill_billy]

Well, thank you for a very thoughtful answer.

you are welcome and I may read through it later if i have an hr or two to kill later

 

[Xorkoth]

You need an hour or two to read through the OP?

 

[pill_billy]

You need an hour or two to read through the OP?

atleast lol

 

[JackARoe]

When you start dating people, pay attention to those things and be honest with yourself and potential partners, and don't settle for something less than what you know you need.

OP, touching post. And nice advice Xorkoth.

The topic of Love. I could go on as I think it is the strongest force in the Universe. It moves and shakes us like nothing else. We marry, have families and Love as much as we can. We write songs, movies, and have had kings have thrown people to the lions when they got rejected in past.

Let me be the Wizard of Oz for a moment. The Love is inside of you. We pick the catalysts but should never let them hold the key unless the highest level of respect and adoration comes back to you. I realized a long time ago I Love first and then the person appears. As strong of Love as you ever felt is inside of you CAN come out with another catalyst. But to put a capper on what Xorkoth said it is important to Love yourself first so you can shine it outward and not settle for a relationship out of fear that you will never feel that Love again. If you Love yourself you have that faith going forward.

I remember years ago loving someone who was wrong for me. But I did learn quick. I took it back and Loved myself and then my next Love was even better. You can't give it if you don't have it. Self Love and acceptance is one of the most important types of Love. Once that is in place a two people in a relationship can really grow. If Self Love is absent we see a lot of the codependence and disfunction and people being miserable thinking they Love someone. The only requited love is Self Love (IMO of course) and then I can love my families and friends.

I really do think Love is the punchline to life. Psychedelics just remind me of that.

 

[pupnik]

the problem with love and relationships is that
we align all of our thinking and doing to the relationship or love interest.

Now if it is not balanced, and the love interest is non-reciprocal or abusive, then one has to sacrifice either
their own life - into the bad relationship but keep a steady alignment - or
they have to sacrifice the alignment, and learn to live again - first aligned to their own selves, and then opening further to align when appropriate to a new love interest in a new relationship.

Learning to live again is not trivial, coming off of a completely aligned sense of self that is no longer aligned to anything in particular.

Good luck getting your ducks in line, finding your own personal priorities, and then branching further.
Try to reserve some sense of personal alignment as you move through the rest of your journey so that you don't end up junked and unbalanced again if the relationship collapses.

no risk no joy,
risk all and you are a toy.

 

[skeptictreehugger]

Thank everyone for your honest and well-meant replies. I do love myself, in fact I a having the best time of my life and sometimes I think 'omg I am so awesome! I want to find someone equally great and someone who will appreciate all of this' lol. But deep down this thought about the mystical and intense love I felt doesn't let me go. Also, check my post in Dark side or whatever is the part of the forum called. It is titled something along the lines Should I open my subconscious if I suffered from depression and anxiety? I would appreciate it a lot.