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love and drugs advice please

K

Katrider29

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Joined
Dec 2, 2015
Messages
20
So I met this girl in September and everything had been going great. We’ve both had troubled pasts- I had been clean from opiates for two years and she was clean from meth for nearly a year. One of the most important things to both of us was that we would stay clean, it seemed like the only way we could have a nice life and make it work. She knew how I had lost everything to the drug and how proud I was to be clean for so long and feeling like myself again. I had a year of hell withdrawing from oxycodone. She said she didn’t have any real withdrawals from the meth, although because of events during her drug use, her life suffered far worse than mine did. She had her three kids taken from her by social services; she may be able to get one of them back. Not that it matters, but we both still enjoy smoking a lot of weed. We moved in together almost immediately and have been doing really well. I had absolutely no doubt that she was the girl I wanted to be with forever until she came home from work and dropped some roxys in my hand. The amounts are very minimal and we’ve been doing them together now. She gets either 2 or 3 tens like 4 or 5 times a week at no cost from a very good friend who doesn’t take all of hers. I had over a 120mg a day habit toward the end (some days much more) so the 10-15 mg I’m getting a day from her doesn’t really scare me when it comes to serious addiction but I have access to fifteen dollar thirties just a phone call away and I had not even thought about making that call in the past year and now I am thinking about it, but Im not going to. The tiny amounts serve for little more than to annoy me so we decided today we are going to save what she gets and only do them once or twice a week. This way we can get a good buzz and only do them on days off. I am just not happy anymore and I was sooooo happy before. I am so disappointed in myself for not being able to say no when they were in my face. I really resent her for this. I know I am taking the drug too but we were supposed to stay clean for each other and I really meant it. I would have flipped if she wanted to start doing meth again and almost certainly would have even left if she did it anyhow. I sure as hell wouldn’t have brought any home and dropped it in front of her! And I would have lit up anybody even mentioning the idea to her. Especially if she told me how proud she was of herself for being clean and that she was never going to do it again. Physically its not that big of a habit going on but its back in my head now am I am so freaking mad about that. For me, the physical withdrawals are hard but the psychological ones unbearable. If you haven’t been there, there is no way you could understand how it steals your soul and drains your hope. I don’t want to be a prisoner to this crap again. Every girlfriend I’ve ever had, I have had serious doubt of before but not with her, and now I am not sure if she really loves me if she could do this to me. I’m not sure if I love her anymore after this the way I did before. If you were truly in love with someone could you do that to them? Am I just being a whiny bitch? I would like to get a female perspective on this but of course would love to hear from anyone.
 
If you had a habit before... You would be surprised how fast things can spiral out of control. Tolerance goes up fast, you will start feeling the anhedonia right away. A creeping sense of disatisfaction hiding in the background, and justifications for use will get increasingly irrational. I really doubt you will be able to keep it to 2 times a week, your receptors are already primed for opioids. Try to remain objective about yourself and what exactly is happening.

You could very well pull it off somehow and just moderate your usage but that seems unlikely. You know yourself better than anybody else but try your best not to delude yourself about it and remain objective, every time I relapsed I convinced myself it was fine and I could just use once in awhile and that since I had my life together, I could keep it together.

Maybe have a talk with your girlfriend and tell her how you feel about it.
 
Ditto on the inability to keep it to 1-2x a week. Actually, that might be worse because the tiny negligible buzz you may or may not be getting from the low amounts probably won't haunt you quite as much as the sweet, satisfying buzz you get from a larger amount 1-2x a week. In my experience, when I abuse opiates/opioids often enough to the point where tolerance starts going way up and the buzz I get is not really that satisfying anymore, it's easier for me to care less about the drugs and put them on the shelf. However, it's the times when I get a killer high, even just once, and I can't stop jonesin' about it for days/weeks after. Either way, it's a slippery slope and there's simply no way to "kinda dabble". It just won't ever work.

Regarding your girl, I say you have a serious heart to heart with her and explain how you feel. If she can't respect that, you will probably have to move on, man. Remember, she's an addict too, and suffers the same inhibitions, but might not be as strong willed or simply might not see things the way you do. In that case, this is a very toxic relationship. Talk to her!
 
Thank you both. I know she loves me and just wants to make me happy. She had done pills before but they weren't her thing so she never got addicted. I really think that's why she did/does it, because she doesn't understand the cycle the way anyone who has been addicted to them does. I just want to do what we can to live a good life and started to wonder if that was going to be difficult with two people with pretty addictive personalities, but I know in my heart we can and will. I wish I could transform them into some dank!
 
I think she's just trying to make you happy (maybe she noticed that you were feeling down?) You both are so used to depending on substances to improve your mood--that's probably why she thought it'll make you happy so bring OC. And it has made you happy, right? So you reinforced her beliefs that OC will make you happy. You have to have a serious talk with her. That you do not want to do opiates at all ever. Even if you are sad and depressed and maybe even yell her that's what you want. She needs to be your rock and not give in. Just like if she asks for meth, you will not get it for her. That's true love.
 
ex opiate users can get away with using opiates 1-2 times a year IME

every week? no way! i'd be hooked and in a shit mood on days off. its early enough to stop this and not have it escalate.

just stop and tell her how you are feeling
 
In the 60s and 70s scientists started experiments on the pleasure centers of rat brains.

It was found that rats with brains conditioned to being dependent on a drug increased the rate at which they pressed a lever to receive drugs, more so than those who had not been conditioned and had never been given drugs, even after the extinction process (when the drug is taken away) has taken place - this was calculated through lever pressing and comparing on graphs.

When the pleasure center of the brain was discovered in rats, experiments began by placing electrodes into the pleasure center of human brains (septal region) and a man would press the self stimulation button for this area 1500 times per hour - he said it reminded him of sex.

The fact is, once a brain has been conditioned to drug misuse, abuse, and addiction, just having it once becomes almost impossible.

I'm not saying it can't be done, but even drinking can be a no no for opiate abusers as it restimulates the same pleasure centers as opiates.

One is too many but never enough.

Don't be a rat.
 
Someone who knows the hell of the opiate addiction that you went through yet comes home and " drops roxy in your hand" does not have your best interest at heart.

If she wasn't an addict herself maybe one could say she just doesn't get addiction. But she does.

Sometimes people sabotage others' recovery for their own motives. Some are just selfish...

I would get away from this girl fast. But if you choose to stay you need to make it clear the roxy is done. Free or not-- soon it will lead you back to where you came from.

I am speaking from the experience of an on and off again 20 year opiate addiction. Currently have 2 years clean. Had almost 9 at one point. I am also female and a mother.


For yourself--sometimes we slip. But pick yourself up before the slip becomes a fall. You know which way your happiness lies... It's not in a pill...


And to your question--- no, I could not in a million years cause someone I love to relapse. I'm not sure i could do that to a stranger let alone my "love". You're not wrong...or whiny. Don't discount your gut feeling
 
Last edited:
Katrider29 said:
So I met this girl in September and everything had been going great. We’ve both had troubled pasts- I had been clean from opiates for two years and she was clean from meth for nearly a year. One of the most important things to both of us was that we would stay clean, it seemed like the only way we could have a nice life and make it work. She knew how I had lost everything to the drug and how proud I was to be clean for so long and feeling like myself again. I had a year of hell withdrawing from oxycodone. She said she didn’t have any real withdrawals from the meth, although because of events during her drug use, her life suffered far worse than mine did. She had her three kids taken from her by social services; she may be able to get one of them back. Not that it matters, but we both still enjoy smoking a lot of weed. We moved in together almost immediately and have been doing really well. I had absolutely no doubt that she was the girl I wanted to be with forever until she came home from work and dropped some roxys in my hand. The amounts are very minimal and we’ve been doing them together now. She gets either 2 or 3 tens like 4 or 5 times a week at no cost from a very good friend who doesn’t take all of hers. I had over a 120mg a day habit toward the end (some days much more) so the 10-15 mg I’m getting a day from her doesn’t really scare me when it comes to serious addiction but I have access to fifteen dollar thirties just a phone call away and I had not even thought about making that call in the past year and now I am thinking about it, but Im not going to. The tiny amounts serve for little more than to annoy me so we decided today we are going to save what she gets and only do them once or twice a week. This way we can get a good buzz and only do them on days off. I am just not happy anymore and I was sooooo happy before. I am so disappointed in myself for not being able to say no when they were in my face. I really resent her for this. I know I am taking the drug too but we were supposed to stay clean for each other and I really meant it. I would have flipped if she wanted to start doing meth again and almost certainly would have even left if she did it anyhow. I sure as hell wouldn’t have brought any home and dropped it in front of her! And I would have lit up anybody even mentioning the idea to her. Especially if she told me how proud she was of herself for being clean and that she was never going to do it again. Physically its not that big of a habit going on but its back in my head now am I am so freaking mad about that. For me, the physical withdrawals are hard but the psychological ones unbearable. If you haven’t been there, there is no way you could understand how it steals your soul and drains your hope. I don’t want to be a prisoner to this crap again. Every girlfriend I’ve ever had, I have had serious doubt of before but not with her, and now I am not sure if she really loves me if she could do this to me. I’m not sure if I love her anymore after this the way I did before. If you were truly in love with someone could you do that to them? Am I just being a whiny bitch? I would like to get a female perspective on this but of course would love to hear from anyone.
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I will never condone a male hitting a woman but this is really fucked up. Giving an addict opiates after 2 years clean is like giving a suicidal person the gun. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I woulda freaked and punched a hole in the wall. That is not cool.

I hope you are trolling here with the 3 kids taken away by child services woman of your dreams though lol. But you said she knew you lost everything, you were 2 years clean and happy after 1 year of hell. And she hands you opiates. That is like her putting one in the chamber and handing it over to a suicidal person. that is BLATANT DISRESPECT, and like I said I would never condone a guy hitting a girl but if you had spit in her face I wouldn't care. That is fucked up and idk anyone who isn't a sociopath that would do that to someone.

I have been addicted 7 years and i'm 25 so I've been there. and honestly once she walked in the door with those it was game over for you. after soooo long. idk anyone who would have resisted the urge.


for you're future well being you must immediately kick her out or leave yourself and save yourself. if she still has contacts and can get all this shyt, then most likely she has been lying to u a lot in the relationship. she can only bring you down man. I rather deal with a month or 2 of heartache by leaving her then a full blown relapse life ruined again, hell that could quickly occur.
 
Thats fucked up. How would she feel if u handed her a handful of adderall? Are you sure that this is the woman for you? I am an addict and have 3 kids but will always get my shit together before losing them. IV heroin is not an easy addiction but I still manage to get my shit together before giving my kids up. That's just not an option. Really think about that. Yes we all make mistakes but we also get chances to fix them. I can't imagine what type of mother would not fix herself and get to the point of not being able to get them back. She should be making steps to get them back not switching drugs. How much can she really care if she isn't trying? Also, if she doesn't put her own flesh and blood first don't ever think she will put your best interest first. Sociopath sounds about right. As a parent I can tell you there is nothing more important than your children. IUf they aren't important to her nothing will be. Not trying to hurt your feelings but save yourself from this woman. She has no conscience
 
Vagina Lover said:
The fact is, once a brain has been conditioned to drug misuse, abuse, and addiction, just having it once becomes almost impossible.

I'm not saying it can't be done, but even drinking can be a no no for opiate abusers as it restimulates the same pleasure centers as opiates.

One is too many but never enough.

Don't be a rat.
Click to expand...

so full of crap its untrue. 1 you haven't sited studies, 2 you seem to have not heard of neuroplastcicty

3 we are not rats

we have the capacity to change our attitudes and implement new behaviour strategies because we have well developed prefrontal cortexes and have self awareness
 
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