lougirl314
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2010
- Messages
- 2
I know that most of the subscribers to this site are those who are currently experiencing something I have never experienced. Right now, I'm am madly in love with an addict. So I'm not so much seeking support with a personal drug issue, I'm seeking support as someone who lives with and loves someone who does.
I have personally never been in a situation like this before. No one in my family has done drugs, and in my lifetime the only issue one of my family members did have was alcoholism (Which was my great-grandma, who quickly fixed the issue once I was born). It was never really pushed on me in school, nor was it a big problem where I am from.
So once I started dating, and figuring out what I wanted out of a man as a potential husband candidate - I was feeding out and finding flaws that I didn't very much desire. The biggest one, I didn't want someone who did drugs. I dated a couple of stoners (not knowing until a few months into it that they were) and those who did other drugs (also not knowing until far in) and once those relationships fell apart, that it was something that I didn't want to be a part of. I'm not saying I dislike anyone who does any of these things, as I am aware many of my friends still to this day partake in these actions.
After going through a couple potential candidates, I stumbled upon the man with whom I'm so madly in love with today. He's perfect, he's my everything, the man that I hope I get to spend the rest of my life with. He's everything I truly ever asked for...there is just the one issue...he's addicted to pain killers.
I didn't find out until about a month into the relationship - when he just out and announced that he had a small problem with the pills (After I told him I did not want to date anyone who was involved with drugs of any kind). At that point, I was so smitten that I didn't mind. I saw it as a problem and was willing to help him get out of the habit, which at the time, to me, was still a small problem.
Fast forward to two and a half years later. We are still together, and I'm more in love with him now than I ever have been. However, the small problem he once had has now become a very very large problem. He's going through about $1000 in pills a month, and his life - which my life will probably soon follow, should this continue - is starting to fall apart around him. He's fallen out of contact with friends, and the friends he does have are only enablers which really I guess can't make them true friends. Financially he is suffering horribly, and since I make a lot less than he does (He has a full-time job, which he is very good at) it is starting to effect me too. He's irate, he's sick, the nights of withdrawls are almost to the point of unbareable.
According to him, when I spoke to him today, he says he's most likely hit rock bottom, if not he's very very close to. He's about to lose his car, he has no insurance, he hates his job, he never wants to go anywhere. He just sits around miserable and moody, wondering why he is the way he is and why in Gods name cant he fix it.
Which is why I am here today. After many of the conversations him and I have had about his problem, I have been labeled "not understanding". Of course I don't understand, since I have personally never been through anything like this, therefore I have no idea how to react. He has my undying support, my undying love, and anything else he should need from me. I'm full behind him on helping him being rid of this problem - yet I don't know how to react like he needs me too. I've asked questions ("What can we do that won't take you out of work for a long period of time." "What can you do and how will it effect you") that I thought were the right ones to ask. And I've thought that my words of encouragement ("You've realized you have a problem, now what are you going to do to fix it?") would get him motivated (which then I think may not be the right one, since these words worked for me, but I was just in debt) enough to maybe think of changing. I've been harsh ("I know the only reason we can't get married right now is because you spend all your money on pills and you can't afford too"), yet I've been loving and I've been there for him when he was in pain. I care for him, I help him when he needs it.
But now, I am at a total loss.
I need advice from those of you who have been addicted...to anything...in the past. If you have conquered the addiction or are still fighting the battle to do so. I want success stories, I want failing stories. I'd like ideas on how we can both get through this, and how you and maybe your loved ones got through it as well. I need suggestions as to how he can overcome this, maybe without having to quit his job, thus putting us into financial hell and even deeper into the hole. I just need advice. As a person who has never once touched a drug (those that aren't prescribed to me) in her life, I need advice of those who have, or who are close to those that have.
I love him more than words can say and I know that he can conquer this. I'm willing to take the mental abuse (never has been physical, thank goodness), and the verbal abuse for a while if it means he's getting better. I never plan on leaving him, I've told him I'm in it for the long haul. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but right now we need to figure out how to get him clean.
Any suggestions at all would be helpful.
Thank you for reading this, I know it was long, but I have no other place to turn to or any other way to explain it.
I have personally never been in a situation like this before. No one in my family has done drugs, and in my lifetime the only issue one of my family members did have was alcoholism (Which was my great-grandma, who quickly fixed the issue once I was born). It was never really pushed on me in school, nor was it a big problem where I am from.
So once I started dating, and figuring out what I wanted out of a man as a potential husband candidate - I was feeding out and finding flaws that I didn't very much desire. The biggest one, I didn't want someone who did drugs. I dated a couple of stoners (not knowing until a few months into it that they were) and those who did other drugs (also not knowing until far in) and once those relationships fell apart, that it was something that I didn't want to be a part of. I'm not saying I dislike anyone who does any of these things, as I am aware many of my friends still to this day partake in these actions.
After going through a couple potential candidates, I stumbled upon the man with whom I'm so madly in love with today. He's perfect, he's my everything, the man that I hope I get to spend the rest of my life with. He's everything I truly ever asked for...there is just the one issue...he's addicted to pain killers.
I didn't find out until about a month into the relationship - when he just out and announced that he had a small problem with the pills (After I told him I did not want to date anyone who was involved with drugs of any kind). At that point, I was so smitten that I didn't mind. I saw it as a problem and was willing to help him get out of the habit, which at the time, to me, was still a small problem.
Fast forward to two and a half years later. We are still together, and I'm more in love with him now than I ever have been. However, the small problem he once had has now become a very very large problem. He's going through about $1000 in pills a month, and his life - which my life will probably soon follow, should this continue - is starting to fall apart around him. He's fallen out of contact with friends, and the friends he does have are only enablers which really I guess can't make them true friends. Financially he is suffering horribly, and since I make a lot less than he does (He has a full-time job, which he is very good at) it is starting to effect me too. He's irate, he's sick, the nights of withdrawls are almost to the point of unbareable.
According to him, when I spoke to him today, he says he's most likely hit rock bottom, if not he's very very close to. He's about to lose his car, he has no insurance, he hates his job, he never wants to go anywhere. He just sits around miserable and moody, wondering why he is the way he is and why in Gods name cant he fix it.
Which is why I am here today. After many of the conversations him and I have had about his problem, I have been labeled "not understanding". Of course I don't understand, since I have personally never been through anything like this, therefore I have no idea how to react. He has my undying support, my undying love, and anything else he should need from me. I'm full behind him on helping him being rid of this problem - yet I don't know how to react like he needs me too. I've asked questions ("What can we do that won't take you out of work for a long period of time." "What can you do and how will it effect you") that I thought were the right ones to ask. And I've thought that my words of encouragement ("You've realized you have a problem, now what are you going to do to fix it?") would get him motivated (which then I think may not be the right one, since these words worked for me, but I was just in debt) enough to maybe think of changing. I've been harsh ("I know the only reason we can't get married right now is because you spend all your money on pills and you can't afford too"), yet I've been loving and I've been there for him when he was in pain. I care for him, I help him when he needs it.
But now, I am at a total loss.
I need advice from those of you who have been addicted...to anything...in the past. If you have conquered the addiction or are still fighting the battle to do so. I want success stories, I want failing stories. I'd like ideas on how we can both get through this, and how you and maybe your loved ones got through it as well. I need suggestions as to how he can overcome this, maybe without having to quit his job, thus putting us into financial hell and even deeper into the hole. I just need advice. As a person who has never once touched a drug (those that aren't prescribed to me) in her life, I need advice of those who have, or who are close to those that have.
I love him more than words can say and I know that he can conquer this. I'm willing to take the mental abuse (never has been physical, thank goodness), and the verbal abuse for a while if it means he's getting better. I never plan on leaving him, I've told him I'm in it for the long haul. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but right now we need to figure out how to get him clean.
Any suggestions at all would be helpful.
Thank you for reading this, I know it was long, but I have no other place to turn to or any other way to explain it.
