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Losing hope

cyberius

cyberius

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Mar 11, 2013
Messages
1,571
I've been a heavy combination drug user for 3 years. I binged on mdma and psychedelics, and used a ton of drugs with a few overdoses. I've fullt isolated myself to allow the drug use to fully define me.

I've lost nearly all control over my emotions, I can't inhibit my trains of thought, and I've slowed down considerably and lost all my energy. My symptoms are on par with mild brain damage, and I don't even feel like I'm alive anymore. I feel so hypervigilant and strung out all the time.

I've been sober 2 monthd now and nothing is improving. Is it even possible to come back from all of this? I'm so burned out and tired; I can't escape from this constant loop of turmoil and pain, and it feels like I'm never going to get better. I think about suicide all day at this point when I'm not spiraling through obsessive thought patterbs. I just want this to end, I'm going completely insane.

Is there a light at the end of this tunnel? Can anyone relate to any of this? I want so bad to get better but I've lost nearly all hope of recovery
 
Yes there is light..i was there once because of using mdma,rc's and psychedelics.i really think mdma did most the damage because of weekend binges in combination with alcohol and no sleep..after a emotional break on a random batch of rc's i stopped all drugs besides opiates..i was in hell for the next year or so with the same synptoms u describe..it does get better im no where near a quick and witty as i used to be but i feel like me and my hyperviligance and emotional turmoil has stopped..best of luck
 
Your brain will balance itself out in tIme, may take a while but don't lose faith. I was in deep dark depression for almost a year after quitting rc opiates and stimulants. What saved me is constantly staying busy to keep yourself from dwelling on how black n white and dull everything is... best of luck to ya
 
Hang on cyberius- it will get better. When I got off benzos and booze in 2010 I felt like literal death. My memory was completely shot, I was the most depressed and anxious I had ever been in life, and I was in physical pain, and twitched constantly. I thought I had rendered myself stupid to the point that I would never be able to function on my own again. Sleep was virtually impossible. However, I rode it out and eventually it got better. Fast forward to now, I feel the best I have ever felt. The brain takes a while to heal and balance itself out again after drugs. Be patient and give it some time. Be patient with yourself as well, and focus on the fact that these feelings are temporary. The longer you stay sober, the better you will get. Good luck!
 
While many here say things will definitely get better I'm no longer convinced. Many will and some don't or won't get enough back to have a reasonable life. I certainly hope you are one of the ones who get better. It's likely the odds are on your side if you are young.
 
Cosmic Trigger said:
While many here say things will definitely get better I'm no longer convinced. Many will and some don't or won't get enough back to have a reasonable life. I certainly hope you are one of the ones who get better. It's likely the odds are on your side if you are young.
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I've read and re-read your post numerous times in the last couple of hours. I'm so sorry you feel that way, and that life has been hard for you. That makes me so sad. I've read a lot of you other posts on other thread, I really hope you find peace.
 
It's not only that I feel that way for myself so much as I've seen it in others. I've seen it in friends that are now gone. Sometimes humpty dumpty cannot be put back together again. Life can be very hard. I'm grateful they have found peace.
 
The only times I've seen permanent "burnout" brain damage was ppl that did meth heavy for years.. I'm sorry if my original post was over optimistic, I just like to keep hole alive and strive to do better. Otherwise why even try...
 
I see no reason to not be optimistic if that's where your hopes go. Life is different for everyone and everyone has a different internal experience that drives them. I try to honor them all no matter what the POV as long as it's not physically harming another. We all need to be heard imo, even if the tale is one of no hope.

Let me tell you, I strive to be optimistic every day. It just doesn't always come out that way and I don't want to have any guilt or shame over that. Nor would I want that for anyone else.

I wish the best for you and everyone here.
 
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