Losing friends to suicide.

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

I normally don't post in this forum at all so I'm not sure if this belongs in a mega discussion thread or not?

A friend of mine killed himself over Thanksgiving. It came as a total shock to everyone who knew him as a friend and his family. He had tried it once before but he was very young either still in highschool or had just graduated, and he said he was never going to attempt it again.

Nobody has any idea why he did it. He had family and friends that loved him and he loved them, and he even had a son who is 5 years old and at 27 he was turning his life around and going to go back to college to become a teacher.

The very strange part is that he did it in the same way and in the same location that another friend of ours did it a decade ago. When he first attempted it but survived, this was on the exact date that the other friend had killed himself.

My friends and I never really got over the first friend I wrote about who killed himself and now this very good friend of ours did it. I am NOT suicidal, I have just been crying, sleeping a lot, and as odd as it sounds I didn't believe it at first when I heard it 3rd hand from someone who just knew his sister, and I haven't been full of anger like another friend of ours was. Everyone went to his viewing and there were so many people that you could not even get inside at first, and it did seem very surreal and as one friend put said it's like being in a nightmare and hoping that you'll wake up soon.

Has anyone here ever lost a friend or loved one to suicide? I've been told that you never really get over it but that life goes on?

 

[Doomed2pain]

My uncle committed suicide last year.

He had chronic pain and also bipolar. It still hurts but I am glad he is no longer in so much pain. As a chronic pain patient with mental health issues, I understand how much he was suffering.

I still miss him but as time goes on it is less painful.

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Take your time to grieve and do not feel guilty about not noticing if he was suicidal,if someone intends to do it, they often act very normal, so remember there is no way you could have known.

 

[herbavore]

Priest, I am so, so sorry for you, for his family, for all his friends and for him. He must have been in terrible pain inside (and by isolating himself with it exponentially deepened it). There will always be lingering doubts about my son's overdose--how much intentionality was involved. There will be terrible guilt for everyone involved, most especially his family. I often wonder, since my son was also on the brink of turning his life around, if his anxiety convinced him that what he wanted so badly he would fail at and he just couldn't face that. Of course, to those of us that loved him, all we could see were his success and new-found strength. Maybe your friend was facing similar crushing doubts and despair. The frustration lies in never knowing.

All that I can say to you is that one does learn how to carry this pain. His parents and partner and son will struggle the most but with support and honesty and time each person that loved your friend will learn to integrate the sadness into their lives. I don't think it ever goes away--nor do I think it should--but it becomes more manageable to carry.

In the depths of his despair my son used to say that his soul could never find peace in this construct and that he knew that his soul had a home somewhere else. He said this from a very early age. Sometimes when I am plagued by thinking that he took his own life (even passively) I think that he was trying to survive on the soul-level. It is during these moments that I can feel some kind of grace in letting him go.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss and for the tragedy of the whole situation for so many people. If you ever feel the need to talk, please don't hesitate to PM me.

 

[herbavore]

sorry to double post but Priest your inbox is full and I just PMed you.

 

[Missykins]

I lost an extremely close friend to suicide when I was about twenty-two. She was like a sister to me. We all knew
she was depressed. She left college, was living with her parents and seeing a psychiatrist. Ironically enough, I thought
she was feeling better. We didn't know that the lift in her mood right before she committed suicide went along with the
fact that she had made the decision to do so and had formulated a plan. The letter she left behind was so sad. She
really felt that what she was doing was best for her and for all of us as well. She chose to end her life violently, finding
her was like coming across a violent crime scene.

Even though this was a long time ago, when I see friends that we shared at that time, especially a boyfriend that I had
at the time, we inevitably talk about her. Her parents were close friends with my parents as well.