Looking into the mirror

[ShelleBear]

I wake up today, and feel the hurt on my body whenever I move a certain way. I look in the mirror and look into my eyes. I know that I cant take much more of this, but know that I must until I cant get myself out of this hell that currently is my life. One, two, three, four knives flying my way. 20 pills popped down your mouth. Scaredness not for my life but for my sanity. Secretly hoping that you would od because then my abuse would end. For the longest time I did believe I was the fucked up one, but Im not. Maybe it was your childhood, maybe its the fucking drugs......but your losing it. I look into my eyes and see a 23 year old girl who wants love so bad, someone who is so lost and alone in this world. My life isnt supposed to happen. This isnt the way its supposed to be. I turn around and lift up my shirt, and wince at the pain. Why? Why would you do this to me? But the pain that hurts the most is knowing that I cant leave.......
and knowing that I will have to endure this until I can.
I hoped you would kill yourself, because in doing that you would have set me free. The knives thrown my way didnt scare me. I knew that was another mental game of yours, just like your popping 20 pills.
The only way I survive this is by dreaming about the day I walk out. The day that I have enough money to leave and start a new life. A day where my struggle for sanity will stop. A day where I can wake up and look into the mirror without wincing from pain.
Shelle

 

[mealltach]

This is an incredibly moving piece, Shelle. No one should have to endure something of this nature; no one.
Pain is beautiful, but pain in excess murders one inside.
You have power. More than you think you do.
Lift yourself from it all.
You will make it, and life will reward you...
Don't give up hope...
------------------
look closer.

 

[Binkie]

Sudden rain pours and I think about her
she is barely holding on looking for a break I keep hoping she will get. Bad men its haunts her like it does me
I feel for her but I know she has the drive to keep moving even when its shitty
She holds on to her lil one and the dream of giving her a better life. She worries about the life she has working so hard but it feels like it's going nowhere fast
She tells me how she just got hit with another thing I wonder how strong she is? I hope she is strong enough. I think about offering her my strength
I get tears in my eyes because she is so strong but doesnt know it, she is a brave woman whom I am lucky enough to call my friend even thought I'm not a good friend all the time I forget to email
I want to tell her it will pass that one day it will she will be free. Her life will be her own the the sorrows of the past will be gone
Bruised and batterd she holds her own I wish I was there to protect her from the monsters lurking around her. I send her my love, my strength to keep her going for just a little while longer.
I finished it but not the way I wanted too
I love you and I'm here
A
[This message has been edited by Binkie (edited 14 January 2001).]