Hello I got hooked on oxy after a couple of car accidents. I had a great life, career, family but oxy took a lot of that away. I'm lucky to still have my family though but I miss being me. I've been on suboxone for 3 years at 16mg. I had to quit the benzo I had taken for anxiety for 15 years overnight in order to get on subs and that withdraw was awful. I really feel nothing from the sub. It used to give me some energy but it does nothing now. I also take adderall for ADHD but it does nothing as well. It's really weird. Alcohol does nothing to me as well. I hate drinking now. Anyway I miss feeling passion for life. I don't care about having sex, I don't laugh much and I don't like going out. I really want to get off the subs. I've tried a few times and wow is it awful. I've heard no one gets off when they've been on as long as I have. If anyone has experiences of using hard core hallucinogens like ibogaine I'd love to hear them. I can afford to go to Mexico or Canada but if anyone knows of services in Portland Or I would be interested. I just feel like I'm letting life pass me by. I miss feeling and I know it's because of the subs because I always had a huge zest for being alive. I know it would make me a better father and husband. Things are very stable and fine now but I know that could be so much better. Thank you