Hey everyone! I'm not so much new to Bluelight as a resource but I am new to it as a community. I've been lurking here w/o an account when doing harm reduction research pretty much as long as I've been doing drugs, so about 7 years if I'm counting right. Ironically me joining as a member of the community actually coincides with my intention to get sober instead of with my desire to use.
I've tried getting "sober" before but I'm sure y'all know how that can go, say you will, go to meetings, keep using and just get better at hiding it. I have a history of physical dependency with various opiods/opiates but at the moment I'm just in the hell of psychological addiction and need a source of support until I can push myself to go into inpatient treatment. I have plenty of friends but they're all either addicts (and aren't much help when I'm not supposed to be using) or people who have never had to go through any of this (and have no idea how to help).
Aside from drugs my main interests are animals and psychology. I have a long history of being forced to spend time around psychiatrists/therapists because I was a shitty kid (and have like 6 mental conditions), and as a result I developed an intense interest in abnormal psychology and developmental psychology primarily for the purpose of being able to sound smarter than my doctors. My interest in animals has no real source but I've gone through phases of intense interest in dogs and spiders, for the past few years my focus has been snakes and I actually managed to obtain 7 as pets which keeps me pretty occupied.
Anyways can't say I'm quite to the point of sober living yet, I'm still putting off going into treatment. Saying I'll do it once I have one last chance to use my favorite drug, but I'm smart enough to know I'm probably lying to myself there. I guess I'm hoping that having a community to engage with that includes people who've been through that process or are going through it too will help me gain some more willpower because as awful as living sober sounds I know I can't maintain this way of living forever.
I've tried getting "sober" before but I'm sure y'all know how that can go, say you will, go to meetings, keep using and just get better at hiding it. I have a history of physical dependency with various opiods/opiates but at the moment I'm just in the hell of psychological addiction and need a source of support until I can push myself to go into inpatient treatment. I have plenty of friends but they're all either addicts (and aren't much help when I'm not supposed to be using) or people who have never had to go through any of this (and have no idea how to help).
Aside from drugs my main interests are animals and psychology. I have a long history of being forced to spend time around psychiatrists/therapists because I was a shitty kid (and have like 6 mental conditions), and as a result I developed an intense interest in abnormal psychology and developmental psychology primarily for the purpose of being able to sound smarter than my doctors. My interest in animals has no real source but I've gone through phases of intense interest in dogs and spiders, for the past few years my focus has been snakes and I actually managed to obtain 7 as pets which keeps me pretty occupied.
Anyways can't say I'm quite to the point of sober living yet, I'm still putting off going into treatment. Saying I'll do it once I have one last chance to use my favorite drug, but I'm smart enough to know I'm probably lying to myself there. I guess I'm hoping that having a community to engage with that includes people who've been through that process or are going through it too will help me gain some more willpower because as awful as living sober sounds I know I can't maintain this way of living forever.
