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Long term IV cocaine W/D, looking for help, medication or tips!

Well, a bit ashamed to admit I relapsed again tonight, >I put myself in a place of allot of temptation<.

Sigh. Even bought fresh needles, with the excuse of using them to take some of the ketamine from the vial (we get it in injectable hospital solution vials) and in the end didn't even open the vial or take any ketamine at all. I know I should feel disappointed with myself and my girlfriend, but I just feel numb. Defense mechanism, I guess.

Any tips on making it through the first day?
 
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The setting of both my binges and my recovery is my room, which is a bit like my own personal bunker. Thinking of taking down the curtains so that there's some way to differentiate day and night. Need to clean this place up considerably.

As for the people, the only person I interact/get high with is my girlfriend. Anyone got any experience getting clean as a couple that lives together? Whenever one of us craves, the other one has an "excuse" to let themselves be dragged down, and we both end up relapsing.
 
Still struggling to make it through day 1. It hasn't been easy; the addicted, cohabitaing couple dynamic is exceptionally trapping, our habit need only weaken the resolve of one of us for both of us to relapse (the alternative, only one of us relapsing, leads to conflict, paranoid notions of being judged, and long, miserable fights through the night and into the morning). Further, there are so many ways in which we trigger each other--subtle actions, like checking the time on the phone (interpreted by the other as checking if it''s not too early or too late to call up a delivery), or checking my wallet/counting cash (checking if it''s sufficient), or going to the ATM (stocking up on cash to buy later), or driving by a drugstore (fresh needles), or hell, even if one of us isn't hungry (why, a craving got your appetite?), etc, etc.

We keep relapsing out of inertia. We seem to build up the momentum to quit, but are unable to sustain this momentum long enough to start counting sober days. I grow desperate with time--the start of classes quickly approaches, and I want to go through the first three days or so of the WD (which I consider the worse, as far as cocaine goes) before I'm back in university, as I have classes every single day and during the semester it seems like I get better results integrating my binges into my schedule (binge the night before days where my first class is after noon, for example, or binge after tests, rather than before) than attempting to clean up from Friday to Monday of a regular week in the semester. It just takes too much out of me for me to keep up with 6-7 test-heavy, number-heavy courses.

Will try again tomorrow, I suppose. Breaking and throwing away all needles (...again) tonight (hoping girlfriend won't stash any, though if that were to happen I won't let it be an excuse to relapse when she reveals it). Think I've done enough heroin in the past fourteen days to get some minor WDs from it, too. Wonder which WD will be predominant the first week of detox.
 
Made it through five days, relapsed for a bit, back on track.

Three days in. Girlfriend getting the shakes from H WD. Me, my fucking tooth is killing me, my gum is all swollen and I dunno what the hell is causing this but I got a dentist appointment this friday. I told my girlfriend if she asks for one more bag we are over and she is out of the house. I feel I was a bit rough, but definitely necessary at this point.
 
Nice work Quid.. I think that drawing that line in the sand with your girlfriend is of paramount importance.. I don't think you were rough at all.. once use turns into abuse like this there had to be a clear message that slipping up is no longer an option. other wise you guys would have slipped your way out of any chance of recovery or staying together.. just keep making progress and keep moving forward.. your doing great quid.. and I hope classes are going great. Keep pushing forward:D
 
Yeah classes are keeping me busy and entertained, lots of take-home work and 7am classes, my sleep schedule is really disturbed but tonight I might actually get it back on track!

In other news, my tooth has an abcess and I will probably need a root canal
 
neversickanymore said:
Hey quidamsoul=D.. and welcome to Blue Light. sorry you are in this way rite now. We have allot in common. That is a love for IV coke and engineering.. nice work on the studies sir:) the drug I would seek from your doctor that will likely ease both your physical and psychological symptoms would be an extended release amphetamine salts (adderall) or extended release methylphenidate. The problem you may have with these medications is that they also have a high affinity for abuse so if there is a trusted person that can dole them out for you this would be optimal. In my own experience they take that compulsion for the shots down from a undeniable roar to quite whisper. Also the use of these drugs hasn't ever caused the insane compulsion to redose and redose like the the IV coke. I would also look into setting yourself up on a recovery plan so you will learn how to deal with your addiction. Also a huge weapon i used to get off the coke was exercise as I could go from wanting to kill myself and a thirty minutes of any aerobic exercise I would literally feel like a million dollars. I would include one of the following dopamine precursors into a well balanced diet and multivitamin regimen. natural sleep is also key for neural reregulation. The last thing I would consider and it probably was the key that finally allowed me to break this addiction was a non permanent run on a mood stabilizer like lamictal or lithium.. so that may be something you can explore with your doctor.. I used the lithium and it really did work wonders for me when battling this addiction, but it has side effects and the lamictal may work as well.. its just that the action of the lithium is so unique that no other drug works in that way at all. You can do this:)

>HOW COCAINE WORKS< (triggering images may be present at this link)

>phenylalanine<

>L-Tyrosine<

>The Effects of Exercise on the Brain<

>exercise and nerotranmiter<
Click to expand...

Amen! I absolutely rely on Adderall to stay off IV meth in the same way an opiate addict would use Methadone to stay off other opiates. Yes, I'm truly ADHD but more than anything the Adderall improves my quality of life by removing that voice in my head that screams "fix me!."

I really think Methylphenidate and oral amphetamine should be used as substitution therapy for meth and cocaine addicts. The issue with this, primarily, seems to be that methadone or buprenorphine will largely block the effects of opiates while cocaine and meth could still be used to increased, rather than decreased effect when an addict is taking amps or MPH.
 
Well done getting clean. Try and get as much follow up support from professionals as you can. Keep busy with them classes.

Maybe you and your girlfriend need a 'break' from each other for a while. I have never seen a couple who were both addicts get clean together, close to impossible, in my experience.

Learn your triggers.

If you feel yourself slipping, maybe you can relocate for sometime or have a extended vacation some where?

Were you always careful never to share needles?

Have you thought about having a HIV, Hep C test?


Good luck

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/690158-The-HIV-Megathread
 
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quidamsoul said:
@paranoid android, do you recall what dosages of both bupropion and seroquel worked for you?
Click to expand...

I was on 300mg's of bupropion SR a day and 300-400mg's of seroquel i think. I also added 1-2mg's of risperidone for abit because the coke triggered off a manic episode that got rather bad. The thing about risperidone is that it's such a strong dopamine antagonist coke won't really work when your taking it. The shitty thing about risperidone is that it can turn you into a walking zombie which i never found seroquel or zyprexa to do. Theoretically seroquel should do the same thing at the right dose but it's not a very strong dopamine antagonist so that probably only happens with higher doses.
 
Wobblier said:
Well done getting clean. Try and get as much follow up support from professionals as you can. Keep busy with them classes.

Maybe you and your girlfriend need a 'break' from each other for a while. I have never seen a couple who were both addicts get clean together, close to impossible, in my experience.

Learn your triggers.

If you feel yourself slipping, maybe you can relocate for sometime or have a extended vacation some where?

Were you always careful never to share needles?

Have you thought about having a HIV, Hep C test?


Good luck

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/690158-The-HIV-Megathread
Click to expand...
Me and my girlfriend share needles with each other, but we are both clean and sex with third parties is always protected. Still, I was tested for HIV/Hep C among other things last year and will probably do so at some point this year.

The break might really be needed. The only other alternative I can think of is quitting alone, leaving her to her own desires and simply mustering the force of will to not join her and take the higher road, and deal with the animosity that arises from her feeling judged. I am convinced I can do this by myself, though.

Relocating is not an option at the moment, I'm two trimesters and a thesis away from a degree, and pressure is on, as my country's economy rapidly collapses around us and securing sufficient affordable education to get a head start upon emigrating is the top life priority. I have to be able to do this here. I can, I have done so before successfully. Completely changing who I am and how I think is something that comes naturally to me, oddly enough. But my girlfriend's utter dependence on me makes it seem too cruel to uproot her (she has lived as a member of my family for six years now).

I feel compelled to try the impossible here.
 
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