long term in the game with a new problem

[I hope it gets better]

Yeh, man I don't want that, i'll have to keep an eye on things, what sort of dose were you on?

I nearly bloody caved last night, actually the only reason I didn't is because we couldn't even get on, things are getting stupidly expensive and very hard to get over here, a result of so many restrictions both on international and even on movement withing the country from state to state all due to covid 19.

I guess I should consider it a blessing, I would be starting to count clean days from scratch if we had managed to get it where as I am on day 7 today.

Yeah I wish I was as lucky I might've permanently messed up my life its been 6 months now and I'm still dealing with the effects of Valproate I'd say even certain illegal drugs don't do the type of harm it does on you and its illegal. I'd be 100% recovered now had I not taken it during my recovery. Don't take any antipsychotic medication those things are dangerous they will leave you worse off and the doctors don't even tell you this they just give you a prescription and move on with life.

 

[vision conquest]

Well....tried to get on to meth again today but it is becoming rare as hens teeth over here.

However I did manage to get hold of some really good smack, so being honest I am feeling pretty dam fantastic right now.

I only had to use a quater of a gram, iv of coarse, that is the only way I've ever done h.

Bloody great gear, hopefully I will feel this good tomorrow morn, probably won't

 

[vision conquest]

So yesterday was an interesting day, the day after using h, so basically in recovery/hangover mode and the phone rings, I wonder who it could be, of coarse it was my meth connection letting me know everything is good to go.


Well believe it or not I didn't cave, never used, today is day 9 I think since I've used any meth so I am pretty happy with that.

As for the sodium valproate, I feel it is working for me, things are not worrying me like they normally would, yesterday being a perfect example, normally even if I had somehow managed to say no there would have been a constant back and forth in my head all day about whether or not I should get on and 9 times out of 10 I would have been able to make a convincing arguement as to why I needed to do it and how this would be the last time and, long story short, I would have got on.

After concluding the phone call I debated for a short time about whether or not I had made the right choice then I just forgot about it.


I found this article yesterday comparing sodium valproat to pregabolin as an anxiolytic and it sounds pretty positive, I wonder if those that have negetive opinions about valpro may have been on too high of a dose, this study used almost the exact dose that I am on which is considerably lower than it is generally prescribed at.

Effect of valproate and pregabalin on human anxiety-like behaviour in a randomised controlled trial - Translational Psychiatry

Valproate is an anticonvulsant drug with strong preclinical evidence for reducing anxiety behaviour in rodents but no clear clinical evidence. To motivate clinical trials, we here investigate the use of valproate in a translational human model of anxiety behaviour. In a double-blind, randomised...

www.nature.com

Hope this link works, I haven't had much luck getting links to work lately.

 

[OpiateKiller]

May I ask do you not get drug tested at your MMT clinic? I get drug tested like 2x a week at my methadone clinic

 

[vision conquest]

May I ask do you not get drug tested at your MMT clinic? I get drug tested like 2x a week at my methadone clinic

Yes my clinic does do random testing but I have been on the program so long and they know that I always tell the truth so I very rarely get tested, last time I was tested was last year some time.


I did mention in an earlier post in this thread that is a big concern, normally I would just come clean and tell them everything that has happened over the last few months however if I do I can say goodbye to my take aways which at the moment I get 6/week.

 

[smokeymcpot42088]

I had one dance with that devil. After being through about every addiction possible I promptly told (prolly my best friend) to quit sharing because I know me and where this is going fast....

 

[Flynnal]

however if I do I can say goodbye to my take aways which at the moment I get 6/week

I also have mild high functioning autism. Addiction is one hell of a bitch to kick. I've been through it all. I hope you can get past this shit but it's going to be a bitch. I hope you are OK and if you want to talk just direct message me.

 

[mokele]

Thanks Alex, after I posted my message I read your story and I thought it sounded like our stories were a bit similar, only I've been doing this nearly as long as you've been alive, longer if you count from when I started smoking pot, not trying to take anything away from you mate, really just trying to lighten the mood a bit, you would think I would have sorted this shit out by now hey...lol


Anyway thanks for your input, I am going to do some research on bupropion asap.

The doc put me on the valpro as he thought it would stabilize my mood, I think the combination of methadone and meth had me pretty close to a nervous break down and acting more on the manic side than depressed although that seems to have changed since stopping the meth.

During the meth run I also overused the diazepam that I am prescribed and generally stockpile so I think he might be trying to get me off that, i am not sure.

My other issue is if I admit what's been going on over the last 3 months I will almost definitely lose all my take aways, at the moment I only have to pick up once a week and losing that is a big hassle.

My doc is pretty good, he does have some knowledge about substance use and he has been my doc for nearly 20 years so I am comfortable telling him everything.

Again thanks for your help mate, I'm going to read up on bupropion and talk about it with my doc asap, also I might take you up on the offer for a chat, thanks heaps man.

One more thing, I know you are 100% right about the exercise and eating well, before this latest stuff up I had managed to get myself pretty dam fit, going to the gym and training bjj, unfortunately at the moment I have no desire to get back into it but I know that if I can make myself it will help me probably more than any meds can.

I hope you succeed with your recovery mate and I echo the words that another member already said, if you can get off the methadone you can do this.

Nice to see i'm not the only older guy here ;-)
I have Wellbutrin ,i read its a substituted cathinone and i never liked cathinones so its untouched for many months already. If i absolutely knew it has strong antidepressive propertys i'd take it, but fear of just having a jittery day. So much conflicting info about it.
If i were you i wouldnt admit any extra consumption of drugs to your Doc. Ive had Docs i thought i could talk with them about that to only see them get very offended and no help whatsoever. Its your Doc, i dont know him. You decide, but be warned! Ive seen them act like ive been backstabbing them.
Good luck!

 

[trashpanda206]

So I have been an opioid addict, mainly heroin but any opioid I could get my hands on since 1994, I got on the methadone program in 2000 and have been on mmt ever since.


Of coarse during the 20 years I've been on the program I've had plenty of minor lapses/binges, whatever you want to call them with benzos, opioids alcohol and pot was a constant companion the entire time.

In 2012 I had my first taste of crystal meth, back in the day I had tried the old school speed but never developed even the smallest likeing for it, meth however was a very different story.

It got a hold of me very quickly but I had enough foresight to recognize what was happening and stopped it before things got out of control, form that first time in 2012 i never had a run on it that lasted more than a week or two.

This time it has got the better of me, as I write this I have 4 days clean after a run that lasted some 10 weeks or so and I went through what was, for me at least a lot of money.

Long story short I am suicidal, can't find a reaason to get out of bed and just basically don't see any light at the end of this tunnel.

My doctor has prescribed sodium valproate has anyone heard of this and if so do they think it is a good idea, or is it that I just have to be patient cause right now I am in a very dark place.

any help would be greatly appreciated.

Unfortunately this is a totally normal reaction to meth use. But it will pass. I promise. Take 5-HTP, CO-Q10, and amino acids (l-lysine, l-tryptophan, l-tyrosine, l-theanine). It should help with serotonin production. Most important, hang in there. It will pass. Sleep and eat. Eat candy. That always helped us.

 

[OsamaBinSmokin]

@vision conquest yeah to piggy back of trashpanda I would include working out , even though you might feel groggy, get on a good multivitamin, get some sun light , and eat healthy. I get the depression, I won’t shower for days, I don’t feel anything but I just had to pull some motivation out my ass and stay task positive. Do something even if it’s just cleaning an area or taking a bath with some dank ass bath Bombs. Hang in there. Oh and melatonin did me wonders to get back on a normal sleep schedule.

 

[HoldBack]

It was helpful but not nearly as much as lithium has been for me. I dont know what all the reasoning for your doctors valproic acid prescription though, I took strictly for bipolar and moved to lithium for reasons I dont remember. I was recommended it, or asked for it... don't remember for the life of me right now Ive been through a lot of psych stuff. But the Lithium has worked much better as a mood stabilizer for me.

People with moderate-severe BPD will typically benefit big time in the short-term and long-term when starting lithium.

The valporic acid is more hit or miss, but as long as you aren’t experience negative side effects, I’d continue the treatment as prescribed.

 

[denovo]

So I have been an opioid addict, mainly heroin but any opioid I could get my hands on since 1994, I got on the methadone program in 2000 and have been on mmt ever since.


Of coarse during the 20 years I've been on the program I've had plenty of minor lapses/binges, whatever you want to call them with benzos, opioids alcohol and pot was a constant companion the entire time.

In 2012 I had my first taste of crystal meth, back in the day I had tried the old school speed but never developed even the smallest likeing for it, meth however was a very different story.

It got a hold of me very quickly but I had enough foresight to recognize what was happening and stopped it before things got out of control, form that first time in 2012 i never had a run on it that lasted more than a week or two.

This time it has got the better of me, as I write this I have 4 days clean after a run that lasted some 10 weeks or so and I went through what was, for me at least a lot of money.

Long story short I am suicidal, can't find a reaason to get out of bed and just basically don't see any light at the end of this tunnel.

My doctor has prescribed sodium valproate has anyone heard of this and if so do they think it is a good idea, or is it that I just have to be patient cause right now I am in a very dark place.

any help would be greatly appreciated.

Hey there, I am a recovering CM addict and I can tell you, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. What you are experiencing is anhedonia, and it is what makes CM withdrawal hard. With time, exercise and a diet that provides you with ample protein and nutrients, you can return to normal. The brain is plastic, meaning it has the ability to form new pathways and change throughout our lifespan. Research has shown that with maintained abstinence, the brain of a former CM user and someone who has never used are almost the same.

I take bupropion(wellbutrin), which honestly helps me significantly in regards to energy and motivation.

The key with CM is that you will never be recovered. The cravings will reduce; however, you will always have to make the conscious decision to not use.

I still struggle with it to this day, but I am not lost to it like I was.

Hope this helps.

 

[Mlgjp8612]

does the wellbutrin cause serial side effects? Not being able to orgasm? SSRIs did so i quit taking them.