LJ is down

And I want to write in it.

I've been thinking of not even really logging onto Bluelight anymore. I used to get almost a high from being on Bluelight and the sense of community there was. Now I just feel like I don't belong. Is this what it is to become jaded?

I just feel not welcome, kind of forgotten, and vulnerable here now. It makes me sad, but I guess all good things do come to an end and change was inevitable. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time though.

I'm not leaving cause no one ever really does, but sometimes I think I just should.

 

I know how you feel. It isn't what it used to be. It's not that it is bad, but it has gotten bigger, more institutionalized, and much more segmented. A lot harder to feel a connection to that.

Nobody every really leaves though. Hell, FoX popped back in for a bit a little while ago, and that guy hasn't been around in a good 5 years. You'll be back, and chances are a few of us will be still be here to greet you.

You'll be missed. Hell, you already are missed I'm sure. But you have to do what's best for you. We'll keep your account warm for you for when you come back

 

Shit, apparently CMB is back from the dead.

 

I miss reading your entries, spork. I get what ya mean, though. I haven't been her as long as most so I can't really determine what has changed. Me, BL, or both?

A part of it for me is, I know I have changed and I guess I'm concerned about judgment. I no longer get high or drink but I don't run from those who do. I guess I just don't want people misinterpreting what I say or come to the conclusion that I have been 'brainwashed'. I kinda fear that those I respect here on BL will lose respect for me for giving into the 12 step thing whole heartedly. The thing is, I needed SOMETHING to get away from the pain I was in. The 12 step thing was what was placed in my life. (sorry, I'm rambling about me)

Anyway, you are on the upper echelon of BL'ers I truly respect and care about. If I could create a perfect world it would have a little province of all the folks I am fond of here on BL. Of course, there would need to be an area with giant mushrooms, many cats and a HUGE jamba juice bar for you specifically

 

i think i mentioned it before, for me part of what has changed is being anonymous. before i deleted my old journal, i used to write whatever i wanted because no one knew me in real life. but there was still a sense that i "knew" the other people who posted in journals and the other areas of the site i was active in. and it was a good outlet because i did not feel comfortable talking to my real life friends about many of the things i wrote about. and i was much more active in the social areas like the lounge.

now i stick around because my blog is still an ok place to vent and post random things. i occasionally post elsewere, but not very often. most of the people i have grown to like on this site no longer post and i find many of the newer users annoying.

 

i should add that my last comment was directed mostly towards the lounge.

 

You know- It makes me sad to hear you are unhappy coming to BL b/c it is a place where I can stalk you a bit
(Though I have heard this from people a lot and it kinda sucks- but I think Dave is right- BL has grown- Maybe it is growing pains?)

You are well-liked, very much appreciated and a true friend to some of us. I would really hate to see you disappear off of the BL radar- but I understand that sometimes, you do what you gotta do......
I hope that this is a passing feeling and that you get back into it soon

 

a_c: Ugh, the lounge is crap. I go there for the pic threads when I'm bored, but otherwise there is nothing of value there.