Mental Health Living with social anxiety

[SociallyAwkward]

I had social anxiety for a long time now (we're talking quite a number of years). I guess in a way it struck me at the worst time possible. Right in the middle of my teens and I missed out on just about everything a regular teenager do. I also missed out on those important first years into adulthood where I should have had my first jobs and made connections & friends. What I have to look back on is mostly sitting at home by the pc or the tv or playing my guitar. Just ocassionally going outside and every now and then doing something like travelling though by now it's been a long time since I've went anywhere.

Still I try to look at things in a positive way. At least I've made steps in the right direction. About a year ago I was jobless and unmedicated mainly just sitting at home. Now I'm on medications, actively looking for jobs and putting myself out there. Still there are times when I can't figure out how on earth I'm going to fix everything that is wrong in my life. Also I can never find anyone else with social anxiety to talk to that I can actually relate to. Most people I've came across has a job and a normal social life and if they don't have that, they at least have friends or a partner. I have nothing like that. My friends all vanished after high school. Never had a girlfriend. Never even had sex. The last time I kissed a girl was when I was 6 years old. How pathetic is that?

I don't desire so much here in life. I'd pretty much be happy just having a job and a nice lovely girl to call my own. And some days I think that won't be a problem and I even dare dreaming of doing things I've always wanted to but never could like being in a band and playing gigs, even if just at the local pub. But other times it just seems like something I could never ever achieve. People around me has kept telling me over the years 'you'll get there'. 'You'll find a job' or 'You'll find a girlfriend'. Yeah that's easy to say for them that already had tons of jobs and girlfriends/boyfriends and that doesn't live with an awful anxiety each day.

I'm rambling. Anyways I was just curious if there are any people on here that can relate to being in my situation?

 

[lakey999]

I've been in similar situations through teenage years. I've always levels of social anxiety when it comes to meeting new people especially and crowded places. When I was 12-15 I used to stay inside a lot and play Halo 3 all day - from when I got up, till the early hours of the evening.

I then realised I was wasting my life and not growing as a person. So I started a band, grew as a person, did gigs, a lot more people respected me and wanted to talk to me. It could be sports, politics, go karting - you get the idea.

You are NOT pathetic! There's many people out there like you, I can relate to many things you're describing. I've found that finding a hobby that you're really passionate about helps you to apply yourself and it will allow you to feel fulfilled. It's especially rewarding when it is also a social activity, like music, then you will find yourself making many friends and forming long lasting, satisfying relationships.

 

[sam05]

I had social anxiety for a long time now (we're talking quite a number of years). I guess in a way it struck me at the worst time possible. Right in the middle of my teens and I missed out on just about everything a regular teenager do. I also missed out on those important first years into adulthood where I should have had my first jobs and made connections & friends. What I have to look back on is mostly sitting at home by the pc or the tv or playing my guitar. Just ocassionally going outside and every now and then doing something like travelling though by now it's been a long time since I've went anywhere.

Still I try to look at things in a positive way. At least I've made steps in the right direction. About a year ago I was jobless and unmedicated mainly just sitting at home. Now I'm on medications, actively looking for jobs and putting myself out there. Still there are times when I can't figure out how on earth I'm going to fix everything that is wrong in my life. Also I can never find anyone else with social anxiety to talk to that I can actually relate to. Most people I've came across has a job and a normal social life and if they don't have that, they at least have friends or a partner. I have nothing like that. My friends all vanished after high school. Never had a girlfriend. Never even had sex. The last time I kissed a girl was when I was 6 years old. How pathetic is that?

I don't desire so much here in life. I'd pretty much be happy just having a job and a nice lovely girl to call my own. And some days I think that won't be a problem and I even dare dreaming of doing things I've always wanted to but never could like being in a band and playing gigs, even if just at the local pub. But other times it just seems like something I could never ever achieve. People around me has kept telling me over the years 'you'll get there'. 'You'll find a job' or 'You'll find a girlfriend'. Yeah that's easy to say for them that already had tons of jobs and girlfriends/boyfriends and that doesn't live with an awful anxiety each day.

I'm rambling. Anyways I was just curious if there are any people on here that can relate to being in my situation?

if you dont mind me asking, what medications are you on and why? understand if u dont want to say because its personal im just curios.

im pretty much the same, except i have a mental illness that keeps me from socializing and finding joy in life. during my teen years i coped by self medicating with various drugs but mainly marijuana, loved it. it was my peace of mind and allowed me to be content being by myself and blocked out the negativity and turmoil of being an adolescent. also had a bit of an attitude that made it very hard for people to like me and got me into a lot of trouble.

ironically, what kept me sane and what i enjoyed most (drugs) gave me a mental illness and was my undoing. now all i do is sit in my room and look at videos on youtube all day, im unemployed and have not worked in 8 years, i have no friends and therefore i dont socialize. the friends part i dont really care about it or i would have done something to change it.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

Yes, I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. As another poster said, you shouldn't feel "pathetic"; don't let some perception of how you think society views you define your value as a person.

I don't think there's one magic bullet solution to feeling uncomfortable around people...it's usually something that people develop coping mechanisms to deal effectively with, though. An acquaintance who used to have a very bad stuttering problem said that, while he had not completely overcome the issue with his speech, he had developed a method of predicting which words he stutter while saying & would use different words in their place. I was around him for a good bit and didn't hear him stutter once, I wouldn't have known about his problem if he hadn't mentioned it. I think it's kind of like that with social anxiety: the issue is still present, in that there's still some uncomfortability when you're among other people, but you develop methods to effectively neutralize it so it doesn't negatively impact your life/goals.

Also, I don't necessarily recommend this, but personally one of the best things that I ever did for my anxiety was take strong psychedelic hallucinogens like psilocybin and LSD. Like I said, I can't recommend that because different people react very differently to those drugs, BUT FOR ME PERSONALLY, it benefited me immensely. Certain prescription drugs like benzodiazepines help too, but if you're dependent on those to function in the world you run the risk of acquiring a new set of problems...

A final thing: "you cannot win if you do not play". Make sure that you put yourself out there and mingle with other people, even if it's uncomfortable for you. You can't broaden your social circle in any other way than by meeting people! Do you have any interests/hobbies/pursuits you could use to connect with other people over?

Anyway, I guess I'll end this post by just saying good luck & don't lose hope man. Your problems are not insurmountable and your goals are attainable.

 

[SociallyAwkward]

I've been in similar situations through teenage years. I've always levels of social anxiety when it comes to meeting new people especially and crowded places. When I was 12-15 I used to stay inside a lot and play Halo 3 all day - from when I got up, till the early hours of the evening.

I then realised I was wasting my life and not growing as a person. So I started a band, grew as a person, did gigs, a lot more people respected me and wanted to talk to me. It could be sports, politics, go karting - you get the idea.

You are NOT pathetic! There's many people out there like you, I can relate to many things you're describing. I've found that finding a hobby that you're really passionate about helps you to apply yourself and it will allow you to feel fulfilled. It's especially rewarding when it is also a social activity, like music, then you will find yourself making many friends and forming long lasting, satisfying relationships.

Hello,

It's good to hear someone else that has been/is going through a similar experience. You are right hobbys are really important and music is a good one. If I could find other people in my area that plays too maybe I could get some new friends. The trouble for me is that my social anxiety is on the extreme side. Never been a shut-in but not far from it at times. No matter how much I would want to start living for real and change things it's not something I can just decide to do. The anxiety keeps getting in the way. Maybe with time and taking babysteps I can get there.

if you dont mind me asking, what medications are you on and why? understand if u dont want to say because its personal im just curios.

im pretty much the same, except i have a mental illness that keeps me from socializing and finding joy in life. during my teen years i coped by self medicating with various drugs but mainly marijuana, loved it. it was my peace of mind and allowed me to be content being by myself and blocked out the negativity and turmoil of being an adolescent. also had a bit of an attitude that made it very hard for people to like me and got me into a lot of trouble.

ironically, what kept me sane and what i enjoyed most (drugs) gave me a mental illness and was my undoing. now all i do is sit in my room and look at videos on youtube all day, im unemployed and have not worked in 8 years, i have no friends and therefore i dont socialize. the friends part i dont really care about it or i would have done something to change it.

No it's fine. I'm on fluoxetine for depression and inderal + xanax for the social anxiety/to some degree generalized anxiety. Though I don't use it everyday to avoid getting addicted to the xanax.

It's nice to know there are people in a similar situation but I'm also sorry you've been so crippled by your illness. If you don't mind me asking what kind of illness is it that the drugs caused in you? Have you recieved any treatment for it or medications? I'm guessing perhaps you are still living at home from what you wrote. What can I say, if I had been too then I probably would have been even more isolated and maybe a shut-in by now. The only real motivation for me to do things at times has been the risk of ending up on the street if I don't.

 

[SociallyAwkward]

Yes, I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. As another poster said, you shouldn't feel "pathetic"; don't let some perception of how you think society views you define your value as a person.

I don't think there's one magic bullet solution to feeling uncomfortable around people...it's usually something that people develop coping mechanisms to deal effectively with, though. An acquaintance who used to have a very bad stuttering problem said that, while he had not completely overcome the issue with his speech, he had developed a method of predicting which words he stutter while saying & would use different words in their place. I was around him for a good bit and didn't hear him stutter once, I wouldn't have known about his problem if he hadn't mentioned it. I think it's kind of like that with social anxiety: the issue is still present, in that there's still some uncomfortability when you're among other people, but you develop methods to effectively neutralize it so it doesn't negatively impact your life/goals.

Also, I don't necessarily recommend this, but personally one of the best things that I ever did for my anxiety was take strong psychedelic hallucinogens like psilocybin and LSD. Like I said, I can't recommend that because different people react very differently to those drugs, BUT FOR ME PERSONALLY, it benefited me immensely. Certain prescription drugs like benzodiazepines help too, but if you're dependent on those to function in the world you run the risk of acquiring a new set of problems...

A final thing: "you cannot win if you do not play". Make sure that you put yourself out there and mingle with other people, even if it's uncomfortable for you. You can't broaden your social circle in any other way than by meeting people! Do you have any interests/hobbies/pursuits you could use to connect with other people over?

Anyway, I guess I'll end this post by just saying good luck & don't lose hope man. Your problems are not insurmountable and your goals are attainable.

Hi,

I like the example of your acquaintance that you posted. I'm trying to think about similar ways of handling the anxiety. I don't really think I have come up with any other way of coping than avoiding social situations. Which of course only makes them even more dreadful for me. I know my fears are so irrational but seem incapable of finding a way to pushing through them. I've been in therapy and it didn't help. I've done exposure and it did help a bit but was still terribly uncomfortable. The only thing that actually helped are my meds. Thing is I don't really wanna depend on them for the rest of my life. It also causes dilemmas such as say that I manage to land a job or a girlfriend with the help of them. What happens when I'm off them and act like a super awkward version of myself?

Still I appreciate the positivity of your post and will agree it cannot be impossible for me to get where I wanna go. I'm glad to hear psychedelics helped you so much with your anxiety. I don't think I would dare using them out of fear of getting even worse but I've understood that for some people they are life-changing. Best of luck to you too.

 

[Spideronthewall]

Just gotta find what works for you med-wise and people that understand social anxiety. doesnt fix anything but makes things easier. I used Pain killers to become social. Fucked up? Very much so. Just make sure you find healthy outlets rather then unhealthy ones.

Things that mildly help me now.
A mixture of:
Clonazepam once daily
Cipralex opnce daily
Lorazepam twice daily as needed.
Daily work outs/exercise (wouldn't dare find me in a gym though haha)
Valerian Root
Other friends with anxiety disorders (sometimes you feed off each other negatively other times positively)

Once tolerance builds to these meds and they no longer make you tired they seem to help tremendously.

 

[herbavore]

What has helped me over time:

Getting older (no joke, a lot of this has resolved with age)

mindfulness philosophy (learning to separate emotional feelings from the thoughts that you immediately attach to them and from there, changing those thought patterns over time).

nature, lots of it (getting yourself and your ego out of the human paradigm altogether can be incredibly healing)

shifting my focus to others ( when you stop and look around you, there are so many people that are socially uncomfortable. Shifting the focus off of your own feelings of unease and trying to make someone else feel comfortable magically makes you feel comfortable and helps someone else in the process--win/win)

 

[Bill]

I use to self medicate for my some times crippling anxiety
Now since I've been clean for a long time, I still find myself getting that clammy film of sweat over my brow and very uneasy feeling occasionally when I feel anxious but I noticed it got to only be at certain times of day

Anyway besides cannabis and I'm some where I can't smoke like work or restaurant, I listen to music or just sing a catchy tune in my head for a few minutes. It helps the most
Deep slow breaths in through the nose and out the mouth are always key at calming the nerves also