Live w/ Eternal PAWS or Go Back to Opiates?

[qwe]

I would rather have the worst day of PAWS ever than even a mild case of being dopesick.

sure, but when you consider the time scales, it about balances out... (paws is years)

then you consider that most people in recovery will probably relapse a few or more times, bringing back that acute WD numerous times during PAWs (each time worsening future PAWs as well).

maybe you're just lucky to have a brain that gets through post WD faster.

 

[RedLeader]

^ That was a very crude statement on my part. Sorry about that. I was basically coming from the idea that the OP wants to take up a regular habit again, something which would warrant (somewhat) regular periods of sickness (like everyday when waking up). On any given day, I'd rather have PAWS all day than dopesickness in the AM (even if it means a fix later in the day). But I see what you're saying (though I probably would take months and months of PAWS to avoid one painful acute WD...I hate it that much...).

I think the issue for me is that I never really had a "better" time before my addiction. Sure, I feel depressed, apathetic, sad, etc. now, but I felt all of those before I even touched an opiate (or a drug, for that matter), and the magnitudes all feel the same, as do the reasons-for. So instead of feeling like I now have now a syndrome specifically caused by the opiate addiction, I just feel like I've reverted back to my old self and my 'innate syndromes' if you will. I don't really find myself missing the way my brain worked on opiates (I have developed a lot of bad cognitive associations), but instead getting down/upset about the things I used to, before my addiction (like I picked up where I left off).

I will say that my physical body recovers better than the average person's from abuse (maybe not in the acute phase, but in the continuing sense), so I don't really have any lingering physical difficulties over which my mind can get upset.

 

[Lady Codone]

Wow, I'm shocked and touched by all the in-depth advice here! THANK YOU ALL!!!

Allow me to explain the situation a little more clearly. I used poppy tea daily for 3.5 years, the same amount at the same time each evening. Then I quit cold turkey. There was never any "dopesickness" or mental cravings, as pods have zero recreational appeal to me (unlike pharmaceuticals, which I never have access to). Even in the throes of physical withdrawal, I never once thought, "I sure could go for some opiates". I only recently put 2 + 2 together and realized I may be suffering from PAWS.

In thinking about all this, I've decided that I definitely don't want to go back to a daily habit, as it's just too much hassle buying/brewing/choking down the horrid tea. I'll definitely be looking into the CBT as well as the other things you guys have suggested when I get the time to really digest everything written here. Again, thank you so much, and please keep the advice coming! While I don't necessarily identify with all the addiction-based views, I have nothing but respect for those of you who have battled and continue battling opiate addiction.

 

[Sepher]

Lady Codone, without in any wishing to make light of the seriousness of PAWS for those who suffer from it, I often think it's sometimes used almost as a catch-all term to describe what in my view has less to do with the prolonged effects of withdrawal, and more to do with our suddenly opiate-free selves being unfamiliar with how intense real emotions are. Because opiates are so good at filling the emotional holes in our lives, and so good at killing negative emotion, we come to forget how they feel, and how to deal with them appropriately. This inevitably causes a great deal of emotional flux that is very hard to deal with, over and above that produced by withdrawal itself. Should PAWS indeed be a factor there will inevitably be a degree of cross over, the two synergising to a large extent, but I think this period of emotional flux is common to all opiate users post-detox, PAWS being an issue in a very much smaller number of cases. That is not to say you're not suffering from it BTW, I don't know. Just that there may be other explanations that you may not have fully considered.

I guess what I'm trying to say is just give yourself time to get more used to the emotional ups and downs without opiates interfering, because the largest part of it may not be anything to do with PAWS as such at all, and it will settle down as you become more used to handling your emotions. Much of what you're experiencing is just a normal part of the mind's struggle to return to normal function, and in the absence of opiates, over time in the vast majority of cases it will get there all by itself. The brain is a formidably resilient organ that in the main tends to be perfectly capable of repairing itself, time being all that it requires. Once that happens you will be better able to identify those issues that remain in the knowledge that they are not related to your use of opiates, and having correctly identified them be better placed to decide what might be done about them.

 

[batmanplaybaseball]

Plus I think that emotional 'ups and downs' are a gift. I much prefer them to the flat-line 'yeah I like listening to music, but I also like not listening to music... I guess I just like everything equally all of the time' feeling that opiates give you.

 

[Sepher]

Yes, absolutely Batman. On Heroin I felt nothing. The negatives were taken care of sure, but I also felt no love, no happiness, no excitement, no empathy with my fellow passengers, nothing. I would rather have the turmoil I have now than what I had as a Heroin addict, because at least I know that the feelings I have, for good or bad, are real, and enable the possibility at least of some joy.

 

[Missykins]

A big question, too, is while some people suffer from PAWS while others are completely unaffected. I only felt better each day I was off opiates once the classic withdrawal symptoms had passed. But nothing like you've continued to experience. What is the current wisdom on these vast individual differences?

 

[max_]

it'll pass

 

[qwe]

A big question, too, is while some people suffer from PAWS while others are completely unaffected.

imo there are 3 main factors:
* duration of use (more important than dose, in terms of paws)
* number of times one goes into wd (it can get progressively worse; healing time is needed)
* "hidden" stresses that must be identified... more important than we like to think...

 

[cire113]

hahah 2 months is nothing.... of course your gonna feel like shit...

takes a long time to not feel PAWS

 

[pema]

A big question, too, is while some people suffer from PAWS while others are completely unaffected.

The second last time I withdrew, I had terrible problems with PAWS. Depression, cravings, ...
But last time, I had nearly no problems with that.
Second last time, I had nothing to do. I was at home all the time and it was boring. I always thought of taking heroin again.
Last time, I started working right after the withdrawal. I had a really good work. It was a lot of fun. I really liked going to work. Actually it was more fun than work. I also found new friends on my work and I also found a new girl friend.
I had fun all the time and just forgot my PAWS problems. There was no depression at all. I didn't even think of heroin.
But 2 years later I ended the relationship with my girl friend and a short time later, I got unemployed. That I was at home the whole day and it started to get boring. I began to think about taking heroin again. And so I did unfortenately...

I think having something to do, is a good remedy for PAWS. And having something to do and having fun is an even better remedy for PAWS.

Try to find a new job that gives you pleasure. Or maybe try to find a new hobby. Maybe new friends. Maybe a new relationship (girl friend/boy friend).
Or try to vacation with friends or family. Boredom is the worst for PAWS. Some distraction will probably help to get over the first and hardest time. Later it will get better.