Little Pink Pills

[trypnotic]

In the beginning, it was yellow. It so small, so teeny tiny, as long as an ant, but a little fatter. Yellow is a good color, so I didn't mind. I would have rathered it be red, but you take what you get. I was a good girl and remembered about it every night without fail. I happily and patiently waited for it to make me suddenly wake up a new person-a calm, happy, normal person. But it didn't happen. The big people got impatient. They said NO NO NO, she needs more more more! That's when it turned pink. The pink was a little bigger, but still so small and cute. The pink color bothered my eyes, so I shut my eyes when I took them. I needed two of these ones. I knew that there would be a change now! Yes yes yes, said the big people, you will change and that's good good good. And I did change. I lost the wild eyed, frantic look. I quit flinching when people touched me. My muscles no longer had to prepare to suddenly tense at any little sound. My voice level went down a few decibels. But there were no drastic changes. I was pretty much the same. The hair was still pulled from my head. The fidgeting persisted. The anxiousness and worry stayed. The self control never set in. One of the big guys was furious. She said NO NO NO this cannot do. She must be cured cured cured! But another big guy said to be patient, it takes long long long. But she could not wait. She was very mad at me. Why the hell wasn't it working? I wasn't trying, I never try! I'm a failure, a mistake, a burden to society, an albatross around their neck! I tried and tried to change, but it just wasn't working. Now everything is torn apart. No one likes a failure, so now I am alone. Alone and hated. I hate myself too. It's hard to love yourself when no one else does. I don't like this change. I don't like it at all. Damn those little pink pills.

Really Im ok !

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_-=<> trypnotic <>=-_

 

[CyaLuvyaBye]

aaaaaaaawwww tripp we love you i no it dont count for much but babe from wat ive read that u have written u r a very deep and special person and the only person who still needs to realize this is you i had a similar problem with self hatered and i dunno if uv read any of my posts but now they r mostly about me growing to love myself
this is how i did it:
get a photo of ur self wen u were little and babee i no its scarey but do it, look into that photo and tell that little girl(?)wat she needs to be told tell her wat u wud have said to her i was so scared wen i did this cos i thought what if i was as bad as they said what if i am hopeless, but when i looked into the picture i saw a little scared girl and i told her i loved her she wasnt bad she was special, i remembered how she felt how hard she tried and who she was if u do this darl u will see the same thing because that little girl deserved to be loved and you are the only one who can do it the way she needs it please do it and babee love urself ur worth it!!
all my love Tish
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i thought it was you i needed nevertheless i have learnt thru the pain i needed me
[This message has been edited by CyaLuvyaBye (edited 16 April 2000).]