Lifes got me confused again

[Dr_Gerber_s]

Background: I've known this girl lets call her B for abut 2 years. I liked her from the beginning but we stayed friends because we sort of both agreed that was the right thing to do. (Read: She thought that was the right thing)

So this went on for awhile and then we had sex a few times then more frequently, I couldn't have been happier, well, almost I wanted to be a couple it just seemed like the next logical thing to do.

So we try it. Maybe when I look back now I kind of gave her an ultimatum but I didn't know what else to do it started to hurt me being around her and not being her boyfriend.

We were only together for a little over a month and it kind of just fell apart, we didn't have that magical few weeks you have with any new person because we just knew so much about each other.

Now here I am about 2 weeks without her and I feel lost, depressed and replaced. I do not know what to do with myself now I just got a job that starts Monday which is great but I cant think of anything to spend that money on except doing things with her.

She wants to be friends of course, I would love to but I dont know if I will ever stop loving her if Im around her at all. Shes just beautiful and smart and so much better then I am.

 

[Ixchellian]

at least you didn't get the full friend-zone treatment. 8)

SL&R?

 

[Dr_Gerber_s]

I think that's referring to me posting in the wrong place. I'm sorry. It did help to write it out though

 

[badfish45]

Man, I looked at this thread and just thought "That's me". I have a friend named Sarah. Originally we met in 8th grade, we were in the same english class but we never really talked until one day I turned around and thought "Man I've never seen that hot girl in here before". So I started talking to her a little bit but back then I was so shy I would always be afraid to talk to her, so basically she thought I hated her (she actually admitted this to me recently). Life went on and we didn't talk much until one day I was at the park waiting for a hook up and she texted me (I gave her my number back during he school year but she didn't text it until now lol). I found it rather strange because this was my first time talking to her in a really long time and this was also the first day I had/was going to do drugs in over a year. We talked a little but once I was high I pretty much forgot about it, and we talked a little bit, maybe a couple times, but at this point we went to different schools, until basically the next summer started. I randomly messaged her on my birthday because my parents were upsetting me and I had nobody to talk to, and for some reason I decided to talk to her. We started talking regularly.

Well that pretty much evolved into a crush I had on her, and I never thought much of it until she started dating my friend and I realized I had fallen in love with her. The whole time I was confused because I thought she had liked me (which she admits she does like me, but I don't think she's interested in dating) It tore at me for the longest time. Every time I talked to her I would always think "Why not me?" I was rather patient and wanted to wait until she broke up with my friend, and my feelings went to a couple of other girls, but then I kept realizing she was the one I loved. Not a single other fucking person. Each day we were becoming closer and closer and everyday it started to hurt more and more. Until she finally broke up with my friend for a guy she had "fallen in love with" in over a month. Oh my god, shit hit the fan. I was angry, upset, depressed, the list goes on. At this point we were each other's best friend.

I gave this whole stupid situation time (I really don't want to go into why it was stupid) and eventually I realized something. I still love her. But maintaining this friendship was so much more important to me. I felt extremely uncomfortable when I decided to start accepting that fact that things won't ever be that way, but I've been easing into it more and more each day and I can safely say that I am much happier to have her like this. Because I'm happy that I won't leave her side, and she won't leave mine, and our love will stay consistent This is a relationship that feels so once in a life time and I'm never going to let it go.

You will start to see the benefits of a friendship, but there will be pain that is in the way. Accept it and free yourself from these emotional bonds. I know how hard it is and I sympathize with every fiber of my heart with you, but I know you'll see it in a better light Do not let this be despair for you. When you find who you love, you'll be happy you can still love her as a friend.

 

[Dr_Gerber_s]

This was the most helpful advice I have ever gotten. I want you to know I read your whole post and the entire time I thought "that sounds like something i could do" I know its going to be hard I mean Im about to go smoke a little with her and I know its gonna kill me to know we are just friends and thats not going to change. Thanks again SO HELPFUL

 

[Miss Kirsty]

Way cool badfish!!!

 

[Ixchellian]

And so y'all have learned that the aphorism; "if you love someone, set them free.....", holds a lot of iron.

Too bad it doesn't shed any light on how to deal with the pain inherent to it. 8)

 

[Dr_Gerber_s]

Too bad it doesn't shed any light on how to deal with the pain inherent to it. 8)

Thats What I have noticed the only real thing that takes the pain away is time. As much as I tried to get drunk and forget I would just wake up in the morning in the same place but hungover. Radical acceptance I guess, its a new opportunity to start my life over in a way.

 

[Kerrigan]

I think we may have all been in such a situation, truly.

 

[shimazu]

Always remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

I know its cliche to give that as advice but its such a true saying.