It's easy to get lost in the bad times and believe that they're never going to end. Then, it's easy to think that the only way out is to stay stupefied or commit suicide. The mind is a very powerful thing. What's worse, sometimes its pistons fire in the wrong sequence with a lot of force. It's the price some of us have to pay to retain our individuality.
Twenty-seven years and I've noticed that the life cycles of the best in breed were not meant to go much further than this. Some historian was trying to rationalize why rap stars behave the way they do, and he came to the conclusion that a lot of those men and women grew up in an environment where the life expectancy didn't go past age 25 without the threat of death, prison, or total societal marginalization. Therefore, they treat those statistically unlikely years where they suddenly find themselves wealthy and popular like bonus years. I've been much more privileged than these people, but, like many members of this board, my mind has been a formidable and lethal opponent to my well-being.
Up until very recently, I had a hard time understanding why life was worth living. The problem was that I had a hard childhood characterized by some messed up stuff that I'll probably never even tell Bluelight about, followed immediately by years and years of drug use which functioned as a blindfold for my mind. As some of you have no doubt guessed, this left me in a developmental limbo. Stuck at age 17 with a disdain for people whose emotional development seemed to place them in an effortless sprint to cross all of life's pleasant checkpoints.
Now, however, after being clean for just 2 months, I've been riding the bus around the city, enjoying people, and realizing that it was not the world that ever rejected me; it was I who rejected the world. I'm privileged to live in a huge international city filled with the best food from all around the world, and my girlfriend has finally obtained a visa to come to the united States and stay here. She had to leave the country six months ago, but now we've got our tax ID situation fixed and are ready to start working on our goal together: a restaurant called "Enchilada House" which will feature hand-crafted enchilada's from every different region in Latin America. We've been trying to fix her right to live here for 3 years, and I never talked about it on Bluelight because it was a complicated court case that I didn't want to fuck up. But now we're bulletproof. just in time, too, because my creditors were closing in for the kill with some pretty serious lawsuits. Now, though, I can honestly say that I'm on the right track to giving them back all the money I owe. And thank God this is America - the banks are going to turn around and act like none of this shit ever happened because they don't give a shit about right and wrong; they just care about money. Chase, Bank of America, TDAmeritrade, Wells Fargo, et. al. better get their fucking red carpets ready, because I'm back motherfuckers and I've got a strong partner with me this time!
And I'm going to do it right this time, because you know what they say: "One day you're here, the next day you're gone." I owe it to all the people who have fallen in the struggle with addiction and depression to get out and own the arena, if for nothing else than to show that we can do it too.
Twenty-seven years and I've noticed that the life cycles of the best in breed were not meant to go much further than this. Some historian was trying to rationalize why rap stars behave the way they do, and he came to the conclusion that a lot of those men and women grew up in an environment where the life expectancy didn't go past age 25 without the threat of death, prison, or total societal marginalization. Therefore, they treat those statistically unlikely years where they suddenly find themselves wealthy and popular like bonus years. I've been much more privileged than these people, but, like many members of this board, my mind has been a formidable and lethal opponent to my well-being.
Up until very recently, I had a hard time understanding why life was worth living. The problem was that I had a hard childhood characterized by some messed up stuff that I'll probably never even tell Bluelight about, followed immediately by years and years of drug use which functioned as a blindfold for my mind. As some of you have no doubt guessed, this left me in a developmental limbo. Stuck at age 17 with a disdain for people whose emotional development seemed to place them in an effortless sprint to cross all of life's pleasant checkpoints.
Now, however, after being clean for just 2 months, I've been riding the bus around the city, enjoying people, and realizing that it was not the world that ever rejected me; it was I who rejected the world. I'm privileged to live in a huge international city filled with the best food from all around the world, and my girlfriend has finally obtained a visa to come to the united States and stay here. She had to leave the country six months ago, but now we've got our tax ID situation fixed and are ready to start working on our goal together: a restaurant called "Enchilada House" which will feature hand-crafted enchilada's from every different region in Latin America. We've been trying to fix her right to live here for 3 years, and I never talked about it on Bluelight because it was a complicated court case that I didn't want to fuck up. But now we're bulletproof. just in time, too, because my creditors were closing in for the kill with some pretty serious lawsuits. Now, though, I can honestly say that I'm on the right track to giving them back all the money I owe. And thank God this is America - the banks are going to turn around and act like none of this shit ever happened because they don't give a shit about right and wrong; they just care about money. Chase, Bank of America, TDAmeritrade, Wells Fargo, et. al. better get their fucking red carpets ready, because I'm back motherfuckers and I've got a strong partner with me this time!
And I'm going to do it right this time, because you know what they say: "One day you're here, the next day you're gone." I owe it to all the people who have fallen in the struggle with addiction and depression to get out and own the arena, if for nothing else than to show that we can do it too.
