I think this is my first thread ever in SLR. I meant to ask this up a while back, just forgot, and my experience last reminded me to get some peer insight.
Since I was about 16, going on 24, I have had a lot of sex. Some sexual experiences were based off of serious relationships, others were based off too much ndtitl and flirtation, and others were just based off of consensual attraction.
When I was growing up I was really nerdy (played video games & soccer), and I was about 5'0 until I hit my growth spurt when I was 15. While other kids were getting laid in high school I was just sitting around fapping and smoking weed. Then I got taller, which apparently makes you more attractive, and for some reason girls who didn't hang with my clique... started hanging with my clique. I had my first serious relationship from the time I was 15 until I was 20, and at the time I thought that was it, the love of my life. Of course I was too in love with drugs at the time, and cheated on her & ran her dry emotionally and financially.
I got in some legal trouble here and there, but it never stopped me from getting laid (even by the posh girls). Now I am at this point where sex doesn't excite me anymore. Actually in regards to the reason I started this thread..
Last night I was hanging with this girl and we both took some roxicodone and chilled for a bit, then continued onwards to sex. We had been going at it for about 45 minutes when I realized 'This girl probably already got what she wanted, and what I want is slowly disappearing every pump into her (my buzz)'. I told her basically that exact thought, politely, 'If you are finished I am finished, I just want to chill out and smoke some cigs'. She was alright with this initially, but when she realized that I would rather nod than sex her up, she got got pretty upset (I think).
We had some sex this morning before she left, which was about the same, except we both got off and she seemed in way better spirits.
My issue is : I just really don't care anymore. I'm not literally depressed and I'm pretty sure the ndtitl is not keeping me from enjoying such a simple thing in life. Orgasms now are like a 1mg IV shot of morphine whereas they used to be more like a 32mg IV shot of hydromorphone. I'm not sure if the risk vs. reward system of sex has me bummed out... like one our of sex for a minute of mild-orgasm-euphoria.
With some ladies I just straight up tell them, I'm not into this right now... but this statement is coming up too often. I recently looked into drugs that might make one more hypersexual like GHB and MDPV, neither of which helped my situation (if anything the MDPV has made it worse because me plugging MDPV and listening to electronic music is better than me doing the old in and out on some chick I probably won't speak too again.
The last time I had a great experience with sex was when I introduced this girl I used to have college classes with to MDMA. She was rolling hard and I was just enjoying some IV cocaine in the background and at the end of the night (after not hitting on her or expecting any sex) she immediately starts doing crazy shit to me. Just standing up she stood next to me and put her hand behind my back and in my pants and proceeded to insert a finger in my ass. This was kind of embarrassing for me because people were around, and I didn't know if I should be like 'woah woah woah' or 'hey, are you okay?'. I just rolled it off as 'Hey make it out with me and feel me up hard right now', so thats what i did and it all worked into one crazy night of super unprotected IV drug-fueled sex that ended with us licking crush alprazolam off of each others genitals . It might sound weird, but it was crazy fun and super sexual. I still talk to this girl and sometimes we discuss having another meet up, but I am afraid that I would end up in the same boat as I currently am in. Just not feeling it or enjoying it.
Now some of you might be saying, maybe you just aren't having sex with attractive girls? Well, IMO, the girls I sleep with are attractive to me, some more than others, but they all kind of have that hipster/posh/potheadish/IshopatUrbanOutfitters thing going on (which I am attracted to). So that isn't the problem. I have also cut back on some of the drugs I have been currently using, which is basically just MDPV and amphetamine.
I have spoken to my doctor about this, and the only thing she and I can come up with is that maybe this is just a temporary thing and I have more relevant issues at hand which block my ability to think about such hedonistic things. I can agree with my doctor to some degree, but I just really think there is more at play. There isn't really a medication you can take to help with such things, to the best of my knowledge, and the only thing I can really do at this point is have more/less selective sex, and maybe cutback on the ndtitl beforehand.
Another thought I had was to just make sure that if I am going to have sex, make it crazy sex. The kind you wake up the next day and say 'Oh fuck... without a condom... FUCK'.
Any thoughts would be great. And this isn't a troll thread. This is real talk. Thanks all.
Since I was about 16, going on 24, I have had a lot of sex. Some sexual experiences were based off of serious relationships, others were based off too much ndtitl and flirtation, and others were just based off of consensual attraction.
When I was growing up I was really nerdy (played video games & soccer), and I was about 5'0 until I hit my growth spurt when I was 15. While other kids were getting laid in high school I was just sitting around fapping and smoking weed. Then I got taller, which apparently makes you more attractive, and for some reason girls who didn't hang with my clique... started hanging with my clique. I had my first serious relationship from the time I was 15 until I was 20, and at the time I thought that was it, the love of my life. Of course I was too in love with drugs at the time, and cheated on her & ran her dry emotionally and financially.
I got in some legal trouble here and there, but it never stopped me from getting laid (even by the posh girls). Now I am at this point where sex doesn't excite me anymore. Actually in regards to the reason I started this thread..
Last night I was hanging with this girl and we both took some roxicodone and chilled for a bit, then continued onwards to sex. We had been going at it for about 45 minutes when I realized 'This girl probably already got what she wanted, and what I want is slowly disappearing every pump into her (my buzz)'. I told her basically that exact thought, politely, 'If you are finished I am finished, I just want to chill out and smoke some cigs'. She was alright with this initially, but when she realized that I would rather nod than sex her up, she got got pretty upset (I think).
We had some sex this morning before she left, which was about the same, except we both got off and she seemed in way better spirits.
My issue is : I just really don't care anymore. I'm not literally depressed and I'm pretty sure the ndtitl is not keeping me from enjoying such a simple thing in life. Orgasms now are like a 1mg IV shot of morphine whereas they used to be more like a 32mg IV shot of hydromorphone. I'm not sure if the risk vs. reward system of sex has me bummed out... like one our of sex for a minute of mild-orgasm-euphoria.
With some ladies I just straight up tell them, I'm not into this right now... but this statement is coming up too often. I recently looked into drugs that might make one more hypersexual like GHB and MDPV, neither of which helped my situation (if anything the MDPV has made it worse because me plugging MDPV and listening to electronic music is better than me doing the old in and out on some chick I probably won't speak too again.
The last time I had a great experience with sex was when I introduced this girl I used to have college classes with to MDMA. She was rolling hard and I was just enjoying some IV cocaine in the background and at the end of the night (after not hitting on her or expecting any sex) she immediately starts doing crazy shit to me. Just standing up she stood next to me and put her hand behind my back and in my pants and proceeded to insert a finger in my ass. This was kind of embarrassing for me because people were around, and I didn't know if I should be like 'woah woah woah' or 'hey, are you okay?'. I just rolled it off as 'Hey make it out with me and feel me up hard right now', so thats what i did and it all worked into one crazy night of super unprotected IV drug-fueled sex that ended with us licking crush alprazolam off of each others genitals . It might sound weird, but it was crazy fun and super sexual. I still talk to this girl and sometimes we discuss having another meet up, but I am afraid that I would end up in the same boat as I currently am in. Just not feeling it or enjoying it.
Now some of you might be saying, maybe you just aren't having sex with attractive girls? Well, IMO, the girls I sleep with are attractive to me, some more than others, but they all kind of have that hipster/posh/potheadish/IshopatUrbanOutfitters thing going on (which I am attracted to). So that isn't the problem. I have also cut back on some of the drugs I have been currently using, which is basically just MDPV and amphetamine.
I have spoken to my doctor about this, and the only thing she and I can come up with is that maybe this is just a temporary thing and I have more relevant issues at hand which block my ability to think about such hedonistic things. I can agree with my doctor to some degree, but I just really think there is more at play. There isn't really a medication you can take to help with such things, to the best of my knowledge, and the only thing I can really do at this point is have more/less selective sex, and maybe cutback on the ndtitl beforehand.
Another thought I had was to just make sure that if I am going to have sex, make it crazy sex. The kind you wake up the next day and say 'Oh fuck... without a condom... FUCK'.
Any thoughts would be great. And this isn't a troll thread. This is real talk. Thanks all.
