so, here is how it is...
i come to you, we connect - we touch, and we don't stop touching. you used to lay your head in my lap, but now i rub the back of your neck. it's all good. the connection is what it is - you have to understand, this is the fundament of our relationship. for me, the alternative is what i showed you:
huddled in the fetal position, wracked with sobs, from pure loneliness. about once a month. please try to understand - that connection, that feeling, i pretty much all i'm capable of. that's a good as it gets for me, or so i'm told.
we enjoy doing this together - watch a movie, smoke a bowl, cuddle. but when i leave, the email shitstorm starts.
you say insanely hateful shit, very pointed nasty shit. that coupla hours of good is recast into me either tempting you with drugs or denying you drugs or some other shit, wherein i'm the bad guy and you're the VICTIM which excuses you to go psychobitch and say all that hateful shit. which is totally insupportable - you are 100% responsible for all the nasty shit you do, there is no 'beast in the cage' but YOU.
i am not your dealer, drug, your fix, your dildo, whatever. i'm not the guy who gets your goodie filled. i hate all that shit. that horrible gaping hole in yourself so you just suck more and more in and the hole just gets bigger? i don't fill the bag, but i can patch the hole if you'd let me.
that's what i do. say and imagine all the hateful things you want. it does hurt me, i do cry, but i'm still here, loving you. the real you, all you - i see your true colors, shining through, that's why i love you, my bright and shiny. you can't change that, and our connection, how it feels when we touch each other, is a fact. i'm not going to move away or stop being a part of your life, and you don't want that. when we spend time together, it's fun, and you know it.
i know you're with dumdum. i know how you feel about fidelity and loyalty. i'm not trying to get you to cheat on your bf. you know the charge between us - if i wanted to, take you, kiss you, but i don't. not that i don't want to, but that i don't do it. you're the one who feels guilty and it's pointless. we cuddle, the he calls, then you're all tense. hmhmmm. you're not cheating on dumdum by being my cuddlebuddy. wise up.
you know good and well that i won't make love to you again until you are ready to submit to me, fully. which, i think, might involve you trusting me a little bit just once. that's not going to happen while you're with dumdum - i don't cheat or steal or anything like that. you know that - i'm the guy who is stone cold true. and i love you, boo.
i come to you, we connect - we touch, and we don't stop touching. you used to lay your head in my lap, but now i rub the back of your neck. it's all good. the connection is what it is - you have to understand, this is the fundament of our relationship. for me, the alternative is what i showed you:
huddled in the fetal position, wracked with sobs, from pure loneliness. about once a month. please try to understand - that connection, that feeling, i pretty much all i'm capable of. that's a good as it gets for me, or so i'm told.
we enjoy doing this together - watch a movie, smoke a bowl, cuddle. but when i leave, the email shitstorm starts.
you say insanely hateful shit, very pointed nasty shit. that coupla hours of good is recast into me either tempting you with drugs or denying you drugs or some other shit, wherein i'm the bad guy and you're the VICTIM which excuses you to go psychobitch and say all that hateful shit. which is totally insupportable - you are 100% responsible for all the nasty shit you do, there is no 'beast in the cage' but YOU.
i am not your dealer, drug, your fix, your dildo, whatever. i'm not the guy who gets your goodie filled. i hate all that shit. that horrible gaping hole in yourself so you just suck more and more in and the hole just gets bigger? i don't fill the bag, but i can patch the hole if you'd let me.
that's what i do. say and imagine all the hateful things you want. it does hurt me, i do cry, but i'm still here, loving you. the real you, all you - i see your true colors, shining through, that's why i love you, my bright and shiny. you can't change that, and our connection, how it feels when we touch each other, is a fact. i'm not going to move away or stop being a part of your life, and you don't want that. when we spend time together, it's fun, and you know it.
i know you're with dumdum. i know how you feel about fidelity and loyalty. i'm not trying to get you to cheat on your bf. you know the charge between us - if i wanted to, take you, kiss you, but i don't. not that i don't want to, but that i don't do it. you're the one who feels guilty and it's pointless. we cuddle, the he calls, then you're all tense. hmhmmm. you're not cheating on dumdum by being my cuddlebuddy. wise up.
you know good and well that i won't make love to you again until you are ready to submit to me, fully. which, i think, might involve you trusting me a little bit just once. that's not going to happen while you're with dumdum - i don't cheat or steal or anything like that. you know that - i'm the guy who is stone cold true. and i love you, boo.
