Let's talk about addiction

[PoppyDreamz]

So..I have been addicted to opiates for a couple years. I absolutely love them..even though the addiction took away most of what I love and has caused a lot of problems. I got arrested, and got over my physical addiction in jail. But I believe the mental addiction is way stronger. Thats all I could think about, is using heroin. I had dreams of it. That was my ultimate goal..to be able to finally use again. So I did. Now I haven't had a steady income to be able to support a habit..so I have only been able to use on occasion. Just enough to almost become physically addicted again, and then I run out. I try to think back...have I always been an addict? I remember being unhappy always when I was younger and in school. I remember when I first started to drink,,,I drank WAY too much,,,should have gotten alcohol poisoning. When I moved on to drugs, first it was cocaine. I used WAY TOO MUCH in one sitting. I would just keep on and on until I had no money. I didn't care that it was ruining me, and taking everything from me. I just wanted to keep using, it made me so happy, I forgot about all the bad shit. So every night, I would do a couple grams of coke. Then when i ran out, I would take about 15 benadryls and sleep. Then do it again the next day. I finally moved and got out of that situation...then I started drinking every night again. Then I met a guy...I didnt drink as much or use drugs..instead, he was ALL I thought about EVER. It is like I was addicted to him. Eventually that fell apart..I started using drugs again. Eventually I found the world of opiates. That was heaven for me. I can't imagine never using opiates again. I feel like I need it to be happy, to be normal. I don't want to stop using for good, even after all the damage it has done. Sometimes I even want to just die..I want to IV way more heroin than I can take, and OD, and die. The idea of not using heroin, and moving on with life and doing what I am supposed to do...it makes me sad, I have no motivation to live that life. When I run out of heroin. everyday I drink cup after cup of coffee...at night I IV unisom. I know, this is stupid. But I dont care. My point is, it seems I always feel I need something, and I use that something in excess, to get through my days. Is this how all addicts think? Are we born addicts..or is is something that we fall into by accident? Do we have something wrong with out brains? Or are we just weak. I used to think I was strong.

 

[NeighborhoodThreat]

I feel that this is better suited for The Dark Side (TDS), I'll move it over there for you.

BDD --> TDS

 

[Missykins]

You're in love with your drug but your drug doesn't share your feelings, and, like any one-sided relationship, it's a dead end.

I think that you should consider replacement therapy, like suboxone, but not methadone, because going to the clinic each day is going to make you feel the same as copping--it's the same ritual for some people. But I don't know if you've gone this route before.

But that's not all of it--the "Suboxone Fairy" won't solve all of your problems, because you'll eventually have to come off of it. Therapy, AA, other recovery support groups, rehab (in a therapeutic environment, not a punitive one like jail) where you can learn to live a sober life. Probably rehab--and more than 28 days--would be the best place the start. But plenty of people quit w/o going to rehab--they usually do it with the help of AA because no one makes it without peer support.

Whatever you do, you should never think of yourself as a lost cause but recovery is work.

 

[Missykins]

I think that you should consider replacement therapy, like suboxone, but not methadone, because going to the clinic each day is going to make you feel the same as copping--it's the same ritual for some people. But I don't know if you've gone this route before.

I saw your post about taking sub for precipitated WD (why?). Here's some advice:

1. If you're going to quit using suboxone, don't buy it off the street,

2. Get a doctor (www.suboxone.com) and use Suboxone under the doctor's care,

3. Don't shoot your Suboxone, or use it combination with other drugs, etc. Shooting your Suboxone doesn't work, shoots talc, binders, dyes, etc. into your heart and lungs, wastes the medication, and is simply an extension of your addictive behaviour, and

4. Finally, if your going to use Suboxone to get clean, do it right, under the care of the physician. This will give you the best chance at success.

I hear heroin addicts talk about the cost associated with seeing a doctor and purchasing Suboxone from a pharmacy, failing to take into account what they are spending on the drugs the buy on the street. It's not cheap, but neither is a heroin habit or buying sub on the street. Plus I believe that the maker of the drug has a patient assistance program if you go to their website.

 

[blasph3my1]

Man.. This reminds me of my life sometimes, I mean i have a strong love for opiates never done heroin just pills. But yeah your right i do feel that way sometimes like once your addicted you always find a way to figure out how to go on with your day without a drug.. you urge for a drug like you need it to live day by day.. Im also trying to fight this feeling too.

Its hard times but you gotta think positive and try to be motivated and workout go to the gym and anything to get your mind off it. Right now im taking Subs to just started taking 3mg once a day for the next 3 days then im going to get off them and try to move on.

I wish you luck!