Leaves change colour

[doofqueen]

The fire has died.
The sparks a shadow.
The awe of love
Is replaced.

Now anger and confusion.

Did things change?
Or were you hiding?
Is this really you?
Or did I do something?

Or are you just comfortable?

If comfortability is rage
Shouting
Fighting
Tears

Then I don’t want your ‘love’

Come back to me
The way you were
These tangles have come too soon
Love me like you did once more

Or not at all.

 

[doofqueen]

no thoughts on this one?

 

[Changed]

I'm drunk right now, but it has a nice linear quality. When I write it kind of just jumps out of me; a bunch of ideas coming from everywhere in one poem. But this piece is focused, to the point, and effective. I saw it coming from a guys point of view, then I looked at your username and avatar and now I can see it coming from a feminist point of view.

anyway, I like.

 

[New]

Rather dark...I enjoyed reading the venom in this.

 

[Changed]

ok I commented on yours, you comment on mine.

 

[doofqueen]

changed - i am a feminist but this was written when i was hurting and confused about some of his actiosn towards me so 'new' it's interesting that you used the word 'venom' as it's more of a "what are you acting this way for?" kinda poem than an angry one but i guess when i think about it it IS a feminist poem cos i'm saying "I'm not going to take any less than i deserve so wake up!" kinda thing

thanks for the imput guys... appreciated

 

[Baker]

I like this poem, because it appears to capture the sense of confusion/agitation you were feeling. What I don't like, is the brief nature of it, which leaves me wondering how you got into this mindsate and how you think you're going to solve it. Still in terms of photographing your headspace, I think you did well.

 

[doofqueen]

Thanks Baker my poetry tends to be fairly short... i think i run out of words or something