cherub
Bluelighter
As I hung up the phone last night, I missed home for the first time.
It may only be because of you, but last night that was enough.
We have been friends since we were kids, growing up you getting married to that brit and moving to california,, I felt lost for the first year,,, but soon you came back with your husband and two kids in toe, moving back home.
Next me getting married, living our little suburn live's. Every saturday morning me walking to your place for our coffee and morning ciggerettes discussing the weeks events of our lives. Those were the best times.
Till the day you had to tell me my life was gona change, neither of us knew then what that would bring.
Me packing up and leaving everyone I knew, off to find myself and filing for divorce. You stood by me, never telling me I was going nuts. You tried to understand, find peace in your heart about why I was leaving. You told me you would be there when i got back, you were so sure I would come home.
Now six years later I am still gone, I found my peace with life more then ever before. I told you I would come home for a visit, you accepted finally I am never coming home, you told me the day after my birthday. You were happy I have found a home and adjusted finally not running from state to state looking for myself.
The last few months have been about me, my struggle to fight the cancer, the struggle to be healthy again, you been my rock when I have been down and the days i wanted to say "I can't do this anymore." you been there to say I can.
But the call last night got to me. I missed home I missed our talks, yeah we talk about once a week but it is not the same, We missed two weeks this time, and all hell broke loose for you.
When you told me the weeks events i started to feel like i have let you down i couldn't be there to help to pick up load when it got to much for you.
We always handled crisis's together growing up and as adults.
It made me realize how much we have grown apart, The love is still there but i can't come over at 2 am when your world falls apart. I can't be the to call when your at the doctor's parking lot crying not able to drive.
I am the one you tell now after the events happen when your calm again, when life is semi- stable.
Soon i will be home for a visit soon we will pick up with our coffee and ciggerette mornings, but soon after I will leave again.
And I will miss home cause of you.
It may only be because of you, but last night that was enough.
We have been friends since we were kids, growing up you getting married to that brit and moving to california,, I felt lost for the first year,,, but soon you came back with your husband and two kids in toe, moving back home.
Next me getting married, living our little suburn live's. Every saturday morning me walking to your place for our coffee and morning ciggerettes discussing the weeks events of our lives. Those were the best times.
Till the day you had to tell me my life was gona change, neither of us knew then what that would bring.
Me packing up and leaving everyone I knew, off to find myself and filing for divorce. You stood by me, never telling me I was going nuts. You tried to understand, find peace in your heart about why I was leaving. You told me you would be there when i got back, you were so sure I would come home.
Now six years later I am still gone, I found my peace with life more then ever before. I told you I would come home for a visit, you accepted finally I am never coming home, you told me the day after my birthday. You were happy I have found a home and adjusted finally not running from state to state looking for myself.
The last few months have been about me, my struggle to fight the cancer, the struggle to be healthy again, you been my rock when I have been down and the days i wanted to say "I can't do this anymore." you been there to say I can.
But the call last night got to me. I missed home I missed our talks, yeah we talk about once a week but it is not the same, We missed two weeks this time, and all hell broke loose for you.
When you told me the weeks events i started to feel like i have let you down i couldn't be there to help to pick up load when it got to much for you.
We always handled crisis's together growing up and as adults.
It made me realize how much we have grown apart, The love is still there but i can't come over at 2 am when your world falls apart. I can't be the to call when your at the doctor's parking lot crying not able to drive.
I am the one you tell now after the events happen when your calm again, when life is semi- stable.
Soon i will be home for a visit soon we will pick up with our coffee and ciggerette mornings, but soon after I will leave again.
And I will miss home cause of you.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
