Last LSD trip for me and my ex

[sailor bugg]

First and last bad experience with LSD, haven't touched it since, here we go……...

First off we were both experienced with acid, the first time she did it with me we both did 13 hits (that was her first time doing a psychedelic, and it was powerful stuff we did as well) and I had lots of past experience with many of the 2cx's (go read my 100mg 2ce experience I wrote up a few days ago if you're bored), mushrooms, pcp, lsd and dmt/dmt derivatives; as well as many numerous other psychedelics. We had a great time and for the next few months started doing a lot of acid; more than a few times a week at least.

So this is basically it…….

The day started off with me and her each doing 4 "normal" strength LSD, nothing to mind bending but enough to get nice visuals (mind you neither of us get mental effects from LSD, even at high doses). So we decided to watch a few hours of documentaries of shark attacks and some other nature shows. Then just chill and enjoy the evening. Very normal, almost boring trip. So at the 8 hour mark we decided to turn in, we were getting sleepy and we ran out of things to do. Now since I went to sleep after this point and have no memory of it this is what she told me happened….

After we each took 15mg of zoplicone and 4mg of clonzepam I fell asleep, instead of falling asleep the zoplicone instead made her delirious. So in her stupor she found my adderall script and took 8 30mg tablets and crushed them up and snorted them all. Eventually she found herself naked and in the bathtub which was half full of water. She told me she saw a black person who ordered her to cut her legs up with a razor or else something bad would happen to her. So she took a razor blade and started slicing into her legs for god knows how long. Then she told me the black guy vanished and she started screaming bloody murder and just lost it. She tried to wake me up but alas I was dead asleep and couldn't be aroused. Eventually she got a towel to stop the bleeding of her legs and tried to clean up the mess. Finally she passed out on the bed and when I woke up and saw the aftermath of what had happened (the floor was covered in blood, there were bloody towels everywhere (one which we kept and hung up on the wall as a reminder of what drugs can do), the floor had trails of blood and water this way and that way and the bathtub was half full of bloody water), I woke her up and asked her. She pretty much told me what I've written and we haven't done acid since even tho were broken up we both stay away from psychedelics (she's totally clean now).

 

[Xorkoth]

You don't get mental effects from LSD? Are you on medications? That seems really odd.

 

[sailor bugg]

You don't get mental effects from LSD? Are you on medications? That seems really odd.

I have schitzoaffective disorder, bi-polar, major depression and ADD. I take 9mg invega, 2000mg epical, 300mg wellbutrin XL, 2mg clonazepam and 30mg dexedrine per day. Although at the time we were taking LSD I'm not sure what my exact medications were as they've changed so much over the last while.

My ex has boarder line personality disorder, ADHD and O.D.D. Although she takes no meds for these issues and doesn't go to therapy/see a psych. At the time tho she was seeing the same psychiatrist I was (she was never scripted anything because she just wouldn't take meds), but now she moved a few towns over so doesn't anymore.

Yea neither of us get any mood changes or anything from psychedelics we're both totally normal on 1 hit or 15 hits, once I did 35 hits and still no mood variation.

 

[sexNcandy]

To me this is a report of psychotic people practicing self harm. I don't see the point. It's a harm reduction forum. Take it somewhere else.

 

[sailor bugg]

To me this is a report of psychotic people practicing self harm. I don't see the point. It's a harm reduction forum. Take it somewhere else.

If anything I thought it'd make an interesting read of how something that provided only good experiences can go horribly wrong. Also that mixing things can lead to a very bad out-come. If someone can maybe learn to respect psychedelics (which I wasn't doing) from this then I think there's some harm reduction potential.

 

[sexNcandy]

If anything I thought it'd make an interesting read of how something that provided only good experiences can go horribly wrong. Also that mixing things can lead to a very bad out-come. If someone can maybe learn to respect psychedelics (which I wasn't doing) from this then I think there's some harm reduction potential.

I guess so. I don't even know what to say to you thought. Oh well, fuck it.

 

[sailor bugg]

I guess so. I don't even know what to say to you thought. Oh well, fuck it.

Fair enough, it was late and I had nothing better to do so I just thought up a memorable trip and posted what happened. lol.

 

[Felonious Monk]

As long as you only see it as a cautionary tale to respect psychedelics. Though you don't present it that way, since you don't put any blame on yourself.

People with serious diagnosed mental health conditions, especially those who take psychotropic medications, should not use psychedelics. Maybe MAYBE if they're not on medication, with the assistance of a therapist or shaman.

But seriously, just taking handfuls of tabs to maybe get some visual effects because you can't get any mental effects because of your conditions and medications? It's the like essence of how to NOT use any drug, let alone LSD.

 

[sailor bugg]

As long as you only see it as a cautionary tale to respect psychedelics. Though you don't present it that way, since you don't put any blame on yourself.

People with serious diagnosed mental health conditions, especially those who take psychotropic medications, should not use psychedelics. Maybe MAYBE if they're not on medication, with the assistance of a therapist or shaman.

But seriously, just taking handfuls of tabs to maybe get some visual effects because you can't get any mental effects because of your conditions and medications? It's the like essence of how to NOT use any drug, let alone LSD.

Yea the cautionary tale thought came after to me; at first it was just a story I had to share. Just to kill time late at night when I can't sleep.

Yea me and my ex had an extremely destructive relationship, the stuff we did/went through in 5 and a half years probably would be more than a couple would go through in an entire relationship. And I'll be the first to admit that we were really stupid. And did some really stupid things and made a lot of bad choices. It's rather ironic because I'm so knowledgeable about drugs but so irresponsible sometimes with them.

Hell if anything learned a lot of life lessons and a lot about myself and what the world can be like. But we remain best friends and she gives me the best damn advice now and now that she's sober and straight is really level headed and good to me.

 

[Xorkoth]

Thanks for sharing. My ex also has borderline personality disorder (I am sure of it but she also won't get help of any kind or even a diagnosis). We are also still friends although the split was very recently so we don't talk much right now because it's painful to do so, but I have nothing but the best hopes for her future. We are married and getting divorced, and we both just want to keep our stuff and not go to court. She doesn't even want any alimony or the house. It's the best case scenario for a really painful situation.

 

[sailor bugg]

Thanks for sharing. My ex also has borderline personality disorder (I am sure of it but she also won't get help of any kind or even a diagnosis). We are also still friends although the split was very recently so we don't talk much right now because it's painful to do so, but I have nothing but the best hopes for her future. We are married and getting divorced, and we both just want to keep our stuff and not go to court. She doesn't even want any alimony or the house. It's the best case scenario for a really painful situation.

That's to bad to hear about you and your wife, break ups are never easy, I couldn't imagine what it'd be like if marriage was involved. But at least you're handling everything civilly and trying to do it in the least painful way possible. My ex started dating someone as soon as we broke up and then got pregnant quite soon after that. I have nothing but good feelings for her though even though how we broke up should have really hurt. But our relationship was extremely immmm I dunno what the word would be to describe it, fucked up, really fucked up and I saw the break up coming half a year in advance plus she started drinking during the last month of our relationship (which is the only drug she can absolutely not handle she gets psychosis when she drinks any amount of alcohol) so by the end of it I was like okay now it's time to abandon ship. We talk almost everyday and constantly fb and text even tho we haven't seen each other in months (she lives in a different city then me).

Now my last gf is a hell of a lot different with how the out come ended up. Ended in a huge melt down (mostly on my side) and me threatening to inject her with Americanium 241 that I had recently took out of a few fire alarms and some other very evil threats. Mind you it was **more than partially** warranted against her but I did but apologizing after 2 days of texting back and forth just really evil stuff on my part. It was only a 7 month long relationship compared to my last one which was nearly 6 years but it ended way worse. Mind you she had never seen my bad side or gotten on it or witnessed me undergoing psychosis ( my last gf had so she knows exactly how to deal with me when I'm in either of those states either just let me run my course and don't agitate me or get the fuck out and call the paramedics if I'm psychotic ) so I think I really gave her a nasty surprise.

 

[Xorkoth]

Wow that's intense man. I was with my ex for 12 years, a LONG fucking time (18 to 30 too, such formative years at the beginning). I subconsciously saw it coming for 2 years but I refused to admit it to myself until she told a good friend of mine she has feelings for him. That broke the spell. My life is so much better now that we're broken up. She had this way of making me feel bad about parts of myself that she didn't like, and I would convince myself she was right, and I felt like I was losing myself which caused me an incredible amount of pain and frustration. For example, last July I punched the refrigerator and broke my hand I was so frustrated. I realize now that part of the reason for my 10-year long opiate addiction was to cover the pain I was not willing to admit to myself. Surprisingly, we both just feel sad and regretful of our actions and are at peace with the breakup. I love her, but I'm not in love with her anymore (or at least I am almost done letting go, she only moved out in February).

 

[sailor bugg]

Wow that's intense man. I was with my ex for 12 years, a LONG fucking time (18 to 30 too, such formative years at the beginning). I subconsciously saw it coming for 2 years but I refused to admit it to myself until she told a good friend of mine she has feelings for him. That broke the spell. My life is so much better now that we're broken up. She had this way of making me feel bad about parts of myself that she didn't like, and I would convince myself she was right, and I felt like I was losing myself which caused me an incredible amount of pain and frustration. For example, last July I punched the refrigerator and broke my hand I was so frustrated. I realize now that part of the reason for my 10-year long opiate addiction was to cover the pain I was not willing to admit to myself. Surprisingly, we both just feel sad and regretful of our actions and are at peace with the breakup. I love her, but I'm not in love with her anymore (or at least I am almost done letting go, she only moved out in February).

Yea my ex (the one I'm good friends with) abused me horribly in every way possible, in ways I didn't even know were possible. But she loved me so much at the same time, and that's not just my obscured look at it, all our friends told us they would get sick of how loved up we were with each other. And that weird love hate dichotomy really shaped our relationship and made it so toxic, but at the same time so strong and worth being in. I've never been put in that position before but I akin it to opiate addiction (Im a former heroin addict, me and her got started on oxys and moved to heroin 2 years later, which we did daily for the next 3 and a half years), the good is so good it makes you forget about how damn bad it can get. She did evil things to me though, shit I would never-ever let someone even have the thought of doing to me again (Not to say I didn't do a few horrible things to, but all my friends, who are also her friends as well, say I was mis-treated really damn badly and they feel bad for what 'i suffered thru) and now I have PTSD from her and to this day have reoccurring nightmares involving her. In her defence though most of the bad things she did to me were while she was intoxicated by alcohol and she gets psychosis when she drinks any amount of liquor. i
mean yea if she really loved me she should have quit but she was addicted and with her BPD and especially ODD she is very head strong and does not listen to authority or some one even trying to give her advice. I always kind of liked that about her, how strongly she could defend something, and when it came to me she was fiercely protective of me, although she caused me a lot of suffering she at the same time wouldn't let anyone else hurt me. Strangely enough when we broke up we both got clean within a month of the break up, she started drinking again and stopped (mind you it was mainly cause she got pregnant) and I stopped because I just found that moving back to my home town and being around old friends and new people helped me with the PTSD which was the reason I used d mainly, to numb out the hurt. So yea overall we went through more than I think a lot of couples would ever go through, but I'd probably do it again.

As it turns out I'm talking to her right now, I haven't slept in 5 days now and I'm on the verge of a total mental/emotional/physical breakdown due to me and my other ex's huge blow out (I had a lot of pent up anger and sadness that got released, but it really did a number on me) and that I think i'm going from a depression into a manic episode and when I'm in that state I get horrible horrible insomnia.

 

[Xorkoth]

Man we had the same thing, so weird. She was intensely emotionally abusive due to her issues, whenever something made her angry it was like a switch was flipped and she was as angry and abusive as possible, but when that wasn't happening we were super in love and sweet and close. But it happened a LOT. I built up a lot of resentment even though I tried not to, and my constant lying about drugs in the second half built up resentment in her, and the whole thing became horribly toxic. I still wish it could have been different though but the outcome was inevitable, I realize now. I still miss the way we used to be, if I could have that somehow I would choose it to this day.

 

[sailor bugg]

Man we had the same thing, so weird. She was intensely emotionally abusive due to her issues, whenever something made her angry it was like a switch was flipped and she was as angry and abusive as possible, but when that wasn't happening we were super in love and sweet and close. But it happened a LOT. I built up a lot of resentment even though I tried not to, and my constant lying about drugs in the second half built up resentment in her, and the whole thing became horribly toxic. I still wish it could have been different though but the outcome was inevitable, I realize now. I still miss the way we used to be, if I could have that somehow I would choose it to this day.

Yea that happened to me to at first all the love from her nulled out all the bad and I thought it wasn't a bad trade off (which I realize isn't right now, but I was younger and it was my first real relationship where I was truly fully infatuated with the person, she was like an idol to me and that excused her poor treatment of me). I eventually built up a huge resentment to her and at first it wasn't that bad because I wasn't all doped up so when she'd hurt me I'd only let it build up for a little while and then I'd go nuclear on her and that would always end up in something in our place getting utterly destroyed (the number of holes I punched through walls, door frames I broke and even laptops is amazing) but eventually we started doing dope and that nulled me out and the resentment would still build up and with the dope the love from her became even more strong and created a huge rift of love/hate for her in me. After holding in all my emotions in for almost a year and a half I finally broke down in front of her and it ended up in a huge fight which quickly changed from anger to me just emoting how hurt I was and how badly she had broken me. That's when the relationship went from a slow decent to break up into full tail spin, I told her how I truly felt about her deep inside (I said something really powerful and i think that sealed our fate).

I remade the exact same mistake with my next gf and my ex told me not to date her because she knew it was just a repeat of me and hers relationship. She told me straight up, you want to go through what me and you went through again, then go a head and date her. I was still emotionally hurt from my relationship with her so I found solace in being with my new gf as it was comforting. But my ex was right the exact same thing happened and I unleashed pent up anger and depression on her and since she had never witnessed that side of me or knew that I am cable of being so evil.

So now I've only gotten 6 hours of sleep since last wednesday and it feels like I have been going through a "bad trip" on acid or even weed, like a trip where you get introspective and internalize and over think past events for the past week. But I must say it's been the best thing I've ever gone through, I feel like I've been able to deal with a lot of emotions and personal issues. I've been able to connect with people I haven't talked to since high school and just tell them what I'm going through and actually get good advice and good vibes from them. I haven't used since last wednesday and I have no desire to, I've even had money and been able to stay clean. I actually feel empowered and at peace for once.

 

[Xorkoth]

So many parallels... but wow man, you need to sleep! Sleep deprivation will catch up to you and the longer you go the longer you will need to recover and the worse it will be. I also operate without sleep pretty well (less so now that I'm over 30), but everyone needs sleep.

 

[sailor bugg]

So many parallels... but wow man, you need to sleep! Sleep deprivation will catch up to you and the longer you go the longer you will need to recover and the worse it will be. I also operate without sleep pretty well (less so now that I'm over 30), but everyone needs sleep.

Finally got a good nights rest, slept for like 12 hours straight. Now I'm feeling great! For once I feel as if I can think straight and start making good decisions and move forward in life. I feel like a new person! I don't feel like I have any use for drugs anymore, especially dope, even for my subs, which I have been off of for a week with no real w/d, Iguess I was so mentally and emotionally stressed any physical w/d was unnoticed. It felt like I went through a 7 day bad trip and now that the introspection and self examination is over I've learned a lot about all the issues with myself that I had and all of the unresolved problems I had, which I learned were my own issues and was much as I blamed other people for causing me pain and such, how I chose to deal with it was my my own decision and all the anger I carry is just a cover for how hurt I am and how I've got no way to express it so it makes me angry and that I shouldn't let that happen. I feel like I can now tell people my emotions with out having to downplay them or feel wrong about them.

I even saw my ex at the sub clinic today, the one I had a huge falling out with and I told her about everything I went through in the last week and I apologized for how I acted. I feel like now that I made peace with her face to face that I can have solace and move forward and not feel bad or anything negative.

I told my addiction doc about all I went through and how I stopped using and stopped my subs and he even halved my dose and put me on carries for half the week. He said I was so insightful when I saw him and that I'll probably start doing really well now.

 

[Xorkoth]

Awesome man.

 

[sailor bugg]

Awesome man.

Yea, best I've felt I think in all my life. Everything makes sense now to me, I feel totally emotionally connected with myself. I feel as if when I'm ready for my next relationship I'll be able to have a normal one and be emotionally open and there for the other person. It feels like the after glow I got the first time I did ecstasy, I just feel really…… good .

 

[Xorkoth]

I also feel the best I have felt since probably 16... no more opiate addiction (because of an ibogaine flood dose which was a huge factor in recovering quickly) and no more toxic relationship. Cheers man.