These last 3 days have been fun but disappointing. Although the meth has been doing great for appetite control, I'm not really getting high anymore. I stay in my room more, deliberatly avoiding my Mom. It's not that I don't like her, but the 2nd she see's me she starts in on all these questions. Plus being as hot as it is, I don't get A/C in my room unless the door is open, I keep the fan on, wet a see thru lacy camisole, wear thong panites and keep the fan on high with the window open. I'm not about to walk around like that in front of Mom. So this evening she got on my case about locking my door, accusing me of doing drugs. Fuck me man, a woman my age should be able to lock her fucking door if she wants to! And drugs are NOT the only reason for locking the damn door, JESUS! So instead of arguing with her, I unlocked it but was pissed. "Fine, whatever," I said. "You're acting like you used to when you were on drugs. Something is wrong," she said. "You don't have to get angry!" Yeah, whatever. Fucksake. Sorry but I should be able to lock the door whether I'm doing drugs or not. Why doesn't she GET that?
I no longer hardly have a sex drive anymore. I simply couldn't go through with hooking up with any guys on the sex site. The thing is that I could, as I explained on my profile, that a man must turn my mind on first, otherwise, I can't respond. Sure as shit, kind of what I expected, there's plenty of guys available, but it's like they want to jump into bed ASAP. I can't. Last Wednesday, my connect called me and I was kind of wondering why, but then he hinted around that he didn't have a ride to work. Grumble, grumble. His work was in bum fuck Egypt too, but I said, fine I'll help you out, but I need gas money. I'm glad I did. My window in the car fell down, a piece broke, so he fixed the window so that it would stay up, although the door panel is off. It looks like shit, but it's better than having the window stuck down all the time. My habit is now a teenager a week still. Fuck I can't AFFORD this with my damned wages being fucking garnished by the state!
Also, it's true that I didn't want to deal with life's bullshit sober, like getting on the phone and dicking around with incompetent employees over wrong bills, or dealing with the state, but on shit, I have NO tolerance for doing any of that shit whatsoever. I want as little responsibility in life as possible, and sometimes it throws shit at me that I don't even deal with, which gets me in trouble. Sigh. I've got to try calling the state again. Their line is always busy. I'm bummed too having to face kicking sooner or later... God how I HATE it. I've got the supplements, but damn I still feel fucking tired all the time. At least on my maintainance dose of meth, work isn't torture. It helps having my painkillers too. For some reason, the last 3 wks the pharmacy has been putting the date the filled my Rx as a week prior than they actually filled it. Well the problem with that is that I always check the date, and had the date been correct, I would have been able to utilize discipline to make the damn things last 10-14 days instead of 7.
So the last 3 wks, I thought damn 2 wks sure went by fast, then when I picked up my last Rx, there was no refills like usual. So, poking around to find out why, duh, there it is. Son of a bitch, I'm lucky they kept authorizing the refills to begin with, cause most Docs won't. I don't feel quiete right. I can't get high enough from meth and the pills are not giving me the high I want, so I'm stuck. Erik was supposed to send me some needles about a month ago, maybe 5-6 wks, but he never did, so I'm having to reuse dull needles which sucks. I could order from on line pharmacy, but am nervous about Mom finding out what's inside the box, fuck. These fine point, short needles don't quite cut it with me, either, so fuck maybe I'll have to drive to bum fuck LA to get the goddamned things.
I no longer hardly have a sex drive anymore. I simply couldn't go through with hooking up with any guys on the sex site. The thing is that I could, as I explained on my profile, that a man must turn my mind on first, otherwise, I can't respond. Sure as shit, kind of what I expected, there's plenty of guys available, but it's like they want to jump into bed ASAP. I can't. Last Wednesday, my connect called me and I was kind of wondering why, but then he hinted around that he didn't have a ride to work. Grumble, grumble. His work was in bum fuck Egypt too, but I said, fine I'll help you out, but I need gas money. I'm glad I did. My window in the car fell down, a piece broke, so he fixed the window so that it would stay up, although the door panel is off. It looks like shit, but it's better than having the window stuck down all the time. My habit is now a teenager a week still. Fuck I can't AFFORD this with my damned wages being fucking garnished by the state!
Also, it's true that I didn't want to deal with life's bullshit sober, like getting on the phone and dicking around with incompetent employees over wrong bills, or dealing with the state, but on shit, I have NO tolerance for doing any of that shit whatsoever. I want as little responsibility in life as possible, and sometimes it throws shit at me that I don't even deal with, which gets me in trouble. Sigh. I've got to try calling the state again. Their line is always busy. I'm bummed too having to face kicking sooner or later... God how I HATE it. I've got the supplements, but damn I still feel fucking tired all the time. At least on my maintainance dose of meth, work isn't torture. It helps having my painkillers too. For some reason, the last 3 wks the pharmacy has been putting the date the filled my Rx as a week prior than they actually filled it. Well the problem with that is that I always check the date, and had the date been correct, I would have been able to utilize discipline to make the damn things last 10-14 days instead of 7.
So the last 3 wks, I thought damn 2 wks sure went by fast, then when I picked up my last Rx, there was no refills like usual. So, poking around to find out why, duh, there it is. Son of a bitch, I'm lucky they kept authorizing the refills to begin with, cause most Docs won't. I don't feel quiete right. I can't get high enough from meth and the pills are not giving me the high I want, so I'm stuck. Erik was supposed to send me some needles about a month ago, maybe 5-6 wks, but he never did, so I'm having to reuse dull needles which sucks. I could order from on line pharmacy, but am nervous about Mom finding out what's inside the box, fuck. These fine point, short needles don't quite cut it with me, either, so fuck maybe I'll have to drive to bum fuck LA to get the goddamned things.
