Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
I said the words last night and felt them
reverberating out from me
coalesing
transforming
taking on its own meaning
I love you
afraid as to what the power of the words would evoke
like a hushed whisper
Hesitantly
the power raising my conscience to new levels
oft dreamed but never realized
I sensed the words caress your cheek
traveling down your spine
gaining momentum
attacking my defenses
erosion
wearing down the artificial boundries i had imposed
Feeling connected
seeing myself through you
knowing that i am worthy of love
that it wasnt my fault
I hold you tightly against me reading the brail from your lips
running ceasless trails through the patterns of your hair
reading your mind with a touch
I feel so innocent
so free
in the moment because i wouldnt want to be anywhere else
My body clings to yours
like a rock cliff
Trying to climb inside of you
closer still without the physicality
a headspace
safe
You are the kindest man i have know
Worried about me
sensing my infantility
the problems of a past
that hasnt been reclaimed
I feel so loved, safe
from someone who is selfless
I never wanted a protector
But i do feel protected
Whispering nothing in particular to me
your wordless tones soothing the memories
Bringing joy where pain once was
I would have cried right then if i could
at the beauty of altruism
of love and caring
and emotional maturity
Of feeling everything and not wanting anything
just to make me happy
I dont know what i did to deserve someone like you
I feel unworthy
as if any moment god will call to judge me
and take away a light from my life
I hesitate
stammer
being awkward
shaking in my neurosis
Dont, not yet, to soon, protect yourself
Small hands beat at the inside of my chest
screaming to be let out
this child
this wonder
this pain
But another beat breaks the waves
the one of your heart
Synchronised with mine
Sometimes skipping as you confront my demons
and replace them with hope
This isnt fair to you
Is my worry
that im not enough
that it will all end
That i cant give what ive recieve
And the gifts that i do are colored with emotions to strong to understand
But then the ebb of the tide changes and i smile
I see it all sometimes
the future
with its myriad possibilities
The fading glow of a summer sun
a private dance
full of connotations
off to one side
a wedding outdoors
not perfect but the best dance we have ever done
People looking on through barely contained manic cheer and happiness
Moments rushing by like water over rocks in a brook
your reflection shimmering back to me
telling me of a times yet to come where nothing has changed except the deepness of our bond.
The waves distort the picture
but the meaning rings clear
your forehead pressed against my temple
eyes half lidded
our hands interlocked
a silent prair to the gods of tranquility
I see a past where you were always there
forgetting to explain things to you thinking youve been with me the whole time.
I think of all this and i am fearful because it is too much and i want it all
and i feel i dont deserve it.
In the twilight hours when our purpose is true and walls and barriers lifted, take with you something from my heart
I love you
and know what all went into it
That the words arent just letters with set meanings
but symbols of everything i want
every thing we have and everything we could have
reverberating out from me
coalesing
transforming
taking on its own meaning
I love you
afraid as to what the power of the words would evoke
like a hushed whisper
Hesitantly
the power raising my conscience to new levels
oft dreamed but never realized
I sensed the words caress your cheek
traveling down your spine
gaining momentum
attacking my defenses
erosion
wearing down the artificial boundries i had imposed
Feeling connected
seeing myself through you
knowing that i am worthy of love
that it wasnt my fault
I hold you tightly against me reading the brail from your lips
running ceasless trails through the patterns of your hair
reading your mind with a touch
I feel so innocent
so free
in the moment because i wouldnt want to be anywhere else
My body clings to yours
like a rock cliff
Trying to climb inside of you
closer still without the physicality
a headspace
safe
You are the kindest man i have know
Worried about me
sensing my infantility
the problems of a past
that hasnt been reclaimed
I feel so loved, safe
from someone who is selfless
I never wanted a protector
But i do feel protected
Whispering nothing in particular to me
your wordless tones soothing the memories
Bringing joy where pain once was
I would have cried right then if i could
at the beauty of altruism
of love and caring
and emotional maturity
Of feeling everything and not wanting anything
just to make me happy
I dont know what i did to deserve someone like you
I feel unworthy
as if any moment god will call to judge me
and take away a light from my life
I hesitate
stammer
being awkward
shaking in my neurosis
Dont, not yet, to soon, protect yourself
Small hands beat at the inside of my chest
screaming to be let out
this child
this wonder
this pain
But another beat breaks the waves
the one of your heart
Synchronised with mine
Sometimes skipping as you confront my demons
and replace them with hope
This isnt fair to you
Is my worry
that im not enough
that it will all end
That i cant give what ive recieve
And the gifts that i do are colored with emotions to strong to understand
But then the ebb of the tide changes and i smile
I see it all sometimes
the future
with its myriad possibilities
The fading glow of a summer sun
a private dance
full of connotations
off to one side
a wedding outdoors
not perfect but the best dance we have ever done
People looking on through barely contained manic cheer and happiness
Moments rushing by like water over rocks in a brook
your reflection shimmering back to me
telling me of a times yet to come where nothing has changed except the deepness of our bond.
The waves distort the picture
but the meaning rings clear
your forehead pressed against my temple
eyes half lidded
our hands interlocked
a silent prair to the gods of tranquility
I see a past where you were always there
forgetting to explain things to you thinking youve been with me the whole time.
I think of all this and i am fearful because it is too much and i want it all
and i feel i dont deserve it.
In the twilight hours when our purpose is true and walls and barriers lifted, take with you something from my heart
I love you
and know what all went into it
That the words arent just letters with set meanings
but symbols of everything i want
every thing we have and everything we could have
