Cyanoide
Bluelighter
I have a habit of not being able to make short posts, but I feel it's important that I tell about my past so you can better understand my situation right now.
Unfortunately, I've had a relapse with benzos 5-6 times in the last few weeks before even recovering from my last benzo detox (which ended in mid-May). I've WD'd from benzos 3 times in my life. All have been after using them for long periods (many years) of time in high doses. For the last 16 years, only a year and a half has been completely without benzos. The first withdrawal was from using them for 8 years (oxazepam, temazepam, alprazolan, clonazepam and diazepam, in that particular order). The taper started as an outpatient but from 22.5 mg diazepam to zero was done in rehab. The second time was done as an outpatient with the supervision of a very good psychiatric. That time I had used RC benzos (mainly diclazepam but also flubromazepam, flubromazolam, clonazolan, pyrazolam, etizolam and some diazepam) for about 2 years. The taper was done with oxazepam. The 3rd WD was done this year in a rehab and was very extreme. In most part because of my extreme dose of 10-12 mg clonazepam a day that had gone on for a year. I was switched to diazepam and was tapered from 60 mg slowly to zero. Initially I was put on 30 mg diazepam, had a seizure and went into a catatonic psychosis for which I was given more diazepam, valproate and olanzapine. The detox from 60 mg diazepam was worse than words can describe and I had every damn symptom you can ever get. The only good thing was that I was in a good care place (the first weeks in a psychiatric hospital under constant surveillance because of the severity of my symptoms.) After finally being free from benzos in Mid-May, I still suffered from heavy WD symptoms for a long time and then PAWS started. Probably due to the far too rapid detox from clonazepam to diazepam and from that to nothing.
One would have thought I had learned my lesson, as I still suffer from heavy PAWS. But I unfortunately drank a lot of alcohol for a couple of days a few weeks ago, which triggered extremely intense WD due to me also having alcohol problems and actually being in a combined alcohol/benzo detox the first time I WD'd from benzos. Because of the severity of my symptoms, I had no choice but to take 40 mg diazepam which barely kept me somewhat OK. A few days after this, all hell started to break loose. I think it was 3-4 days after taking the diazepam because it has such a long half life and several metabolites. And so here it began again. I took 15 mg to keep the WD at bay. Then again 3 days and it began again, another 10 mg. And so forth. Basically I'm hooked on benzos again.
So I decided that I have to do a taper again. Now the 4th time in my life. I have enough diazepam to do that. Fortunately I can manage with a somewhat small dose, 10-15 mg (at least for me that's a small dose compared to 12 mg clonazepam). I could have made this thread a lot shorter by just asking if you think kindling will make the WD much worse this time? I need honest answers, which I may not like. And what I also would like to know is if the taper should be done even more slowly than usual, am I at a much higher risk of getting much worse symptoms now because of my past? Is kindling something that affects everyone, so it universally can be said that every WD will gradually become worse?
I can't really say much about kindling in my 3rd first WD's, because the doses and the specific benzodiazepines used were so different. It's very hard to compare WD'ing for that reason. Of course, there is a point where you're at the same dose in every WD, at least equivalently, but the initial benzodiazepine used and the benzodiazepine used in the taper would still differ. All benzo WD is not the same. I found it harder to WD from oxazepam than from diazepam, although oxazepam is a weaker benzo than diazepam. Then again I had severe difficulties switching from clonazepam to diazepam. But not the reverse. These are factors that make it hard to compare a WD to another. I guess what I'm interested in, is if there is something that still generally can be said about kindling.
And what is the science behing kindling? What do we know about it?
Unfortunately, I've had a relapse with benzos 5-6 times in the last few weeks before even recovering from my last benzo detox (which ended in mid-May). I've WD'd from benzos 3 times in my life. All have been after using them for long periods (many years) of time in high doses. For the last 16 years, only a year and a half has been completely without benzos. The first withdrawal was from using them for 8 years (oxazepam, temazepam, alprazolan, clonazepam and diazepam, in that particular order). The taper started as an outpatient but from 22.5 mg diazepam to zero was done in rehab. The second time was done as an outpatient with the supervision of a very good psychiatric. That time I had used RC benzos (mainly diclazepam but also flubromazepam, flubromazolam, clonazolan, pyrazolam, etizolam and some diazepam) for about 2 years. The taper was done with oxazepam. The 3rd WD was done this year in a rehab and was very extreme. In most part because of my extreme dose of 10-12 mg clonazepam a day that had gone on for a year. I was switched to diazepam and was tapered from 60 mg slowly to zero. Initially I was put on 30 mg diazepam, had a seizure and went into a catatonic psychosis for which I was given more diazepam, valproate and olanzapine. The detox from 60 mg diazepam was worse than words can describe and I had every damn symptom you can ever get. The only good thing was that I was in a good care place (the first weeks in a psychiatric hospital under constant surveillance because of the severity of my symptoms.) After finally being free from benzos in Mid-May, I still suffered from heavy WD symptoms for a long time and then PAWS started. Probably due to the far too rapid detox from clonazepam to diazepam and from that to nothing.
One would have thought I had learned my lesson, as I still suffer from heavy PAWS. But I unfortunately drank a lot of alcohol for a couple of days a few weeks ago, which triggered extremely intense WD due to me also having alcohol problems and actually being in a combined alcohol/benzo detox the first time I WD'd from benzos. Because of the severity of my symptoms, I had no choice but to take 40 mg diazepam which barely kept me somewhat OK. A few days after this, all hell started to break loose. I think it was 3-4 days after taking the diazepam because it has such a long half life and several metabolites. And so here it began again. I took 15 mg to keep the WD at bay. Then again 3 days and it began again, another 10 mg. And so forth. Basically I'm hooked on benzos again.
So I decided that I have to do a taper again. Now the 4th time in my life. I have enough diazepam to do that. Fortunately I can manage with a somewhat small dose, 10-15 mg (at least for me that's a small dose compared to 12 mg clonazepam). I could have made this thread a lot shorter by just asking if you think kindling will make the WD much worse this time? I need honest answers, which I may not like. And what I also would like to know is if the taper should be done even more slowly than usual, am I at a much higher risk of getting much worse symptoms now because of my past? Is kindling something that affects everyone, so it universally can be said that every WD will gradually become worse?
I can't really say much about kindling in my 3rd first WD's, because the doses and the specific benzodiazepines used were so different. It's very hard to compare WD'ing for that reason. Of course, there is a point where you're at the same dose in every WD, at least equivalently, but the initial benzodiazepine used and the benzodiazepine used in the taper would still differ. All benzo WD is not the same. I found it harder to WD from oxazepam than from diazepam, although oxazepam is a weaker benzo than diazepam. Then again I had severe difficulties switching from clonazepam to diazepam. But not the reverse. These are factors that make it hard to compare a WD to another. I guess what I'm interested in, is if there is something that still generally can be said about kindling.
And what is the science behing kindling? What do we know about it?
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