i'm going to be cheap and copy and paste this, it's something i wrote in another thread.
i too abused pharmaceuticals, to me they are now and will always be the devil.
i have no legitimate use for them besides abuse, complete and utter abstinence from everything has been the only thing that has done anything to help me cope with mood swings and overwhelming emotions,
part of the reason i got on benzos to beging with.
anyways,
i was like you too, except heroin wasn't necessarily my Drug Of Choice.
i could go about a hundred days on my own without using anything of any sort, and those spans of time were often the longest and most unhealthy of my entire life.
i was cut off from the world, hiding from my drug buddies, and living with my family, who wasn't too thrilled about that (about as much as i was)
i had moved around a bit, and still, nothing had changed.
i was trying to do it alone and failing miserably, i hated myself but knew that using would make that hatred even deeper.
long story short, i took this dude to an aa (alcoholics anonymous) meeting, and took him to an na (narcotics anonymous) meeting.
i wouldn't have been taking him had he not known i used, and that was actually how we met eachother, he was a mutual friend of my ex boyfriend's.
we kept going to the meetings but rarely did we go without each other. (i had my license, he didn't)
we were having sex and he was calling me his girlfriend, so i nipped that in the bud real quick.
however, i now knew about this place where i could go- to get out of the house when things got too tense, after work if i had had a shit day, and especially when i needed some company without resorting to going back to my old friends, i knew where that had and would get me, if only i were to go down that road
i ended up going to the na meetings on my own accord, and that has actually been the answer for me.
i get what i need there what i have found nowhere else- love, support, honesty, and companionship.
i tried drugs, more drugs, shutting myself in the house, vamping up my personal life so that i wouldn't have the chance to use, counselors-
nothing worked, na did.
i still go to meetings at least three times a week and more work permitting, i have a home with those people and in those rooms.
i'm now close to ten months clean (not sober, clean.) and haven't smoked pot, popped a pill, shot up, drank, nothing.
there are people out there who are able to stay clean and healthy without places like na,
personally i could not do it.
if possible, i would highly recommend googling narcotics anonymous and your zip code,
what you might find could save your life.
whether this is the route that you choose to take or not is up to you,
but i offer to you what has been offered to me.
best of luck with whatever troubles you may be having,
and know that it all gets better, and there is nothing that you cannot get through clean.
much love,
-pastel
feel free to send me a personal message if there's anything i can do to help.
