Kicking Opiates

[LostLambRN]

Hello all,

I am a new member who is just reaching out for some help. I am an RN who has lost their way. I have developed a habit of shooting dilaudid and have taken the steps to set my self up for a short wean and am absolutely committed to stopping this before it takes my health, the career that I love and the relationships with my friends, family and loved ones. A part of me is very afraid of speaking out about this given my career and the potential consequences that knowledge of my habit could cause, but I have taken time away to heal myself mentally and physically before returning to work. Is there anyone who has been through this before and would be willing to help coach me through their experience and support me through my own? I would be eternally grateful!! Also, if I am doing or saying something inappropriate for this site please let me know! I'm a noob and don't want to start off with my foot in my mouth!! Thanks!!

 

[PotatoMan]

Homeless -----> OD

 

[Erikmen]

Welcome to BL.
It's a good thing you are reaching out for help. Most of us are in recovery and with time you'll see plenty of posts that you can relate to. Sober living threads, The Dark Side, etc.
If you are committed and motivated you'll be able to stop. It's not easy but doable. Change your habits, friends. Exercise and find something you would enjoy doing.
In the beginning you might need some medical assistance.

Congratulations for your decision. The success of your recovery is entirely up to you. It's good that you are doing it before having lost your job, family etc. So I hope you succeed.

 

[Pressureofdays]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I'm also an RN that has had substance abuse issues. I've never been in your exact situation, but can relate to the fear of drug use being found out and losing your job/license. I had some close calls, and ended up taking a break from nursing altogether for a few years. Congratulations for your decision to get clean and I think you are absolutely doing the right thing by taking some time off work to do so. It's sad to me that there is still such a stigma attached to addiction that prevents people from seeking help. I know most hospitals have employee assistance programs, but have also heard of addicted nurses losing their jobs after seeking help through them. Keep us updated on how you're doing and feel free to message me anytime.

 

[LostLambRN]

@Press, thank you! We also have an employee assistance program at work but I would NEVER use it. It's a very small hospital and in 4 years there I had worked my way up to a pretty elevated position. Pretty much everyone in the hospital knows me and I believe that I would have been found out or would have been forced into one of those Nursing Board situations where you admit your addiction, go to rehab, everything goes on your record, etc. I am trying to do this with as few people as possible being aware of it. I have been to afraid to even tell my therapist (a lotta good that does me, I know) but now that I left and am clean I feel that I could tell her because I am not posing an immediate threat to myself or others and thus she would have no reason to breach confidentiality.

Well, my laptop died at the beach and apparently I failed to bring my power cord... so now I am home and on Day 1 completely dry.... I think my last shot of any opiates was last night around midnight (and even then it was significantly weaker morphine, not dilaudid - I just used up everything I could find so that there was nothing left to string out this withdrawal with). Aside from wanting that rush, I feel OK... a little hot and emotional, but not too bad. I was too weak to wean... and I have the feeling that I''ll be tearing the house apart by tonight looking for just one last fix. I'm glad I never established a friends base that also abused or any kind of connections to purchase from because I am learning just how weak I could be! I'm so afraid deep down at having started off on this road, because I know its one that people often revisit - and I can see why. Its such a comfortable place to hide from feelings or from everything in your life that you don't want to deal with. While trying to wean, I also learned that I don;t think it's the high that I enjoy so much. It's just that initial rush... the moment when I can feel my spine tingle and the wave crashes over me and then just like that its gone and I'm just biding time until the next one. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I seem to be happier, more involved in life when I'm not high, so that's a plus. I guess you could say that I actually feel when I'm not high, the good with the bad, but then I'd say my life is mostly good

 

[tubemd]

your story is remarkably similar to a woman i met in outpatient rehab. she was a registered nurse. through her profession she was able to acquire oxycodone which led to her abusing dilaudid. ultimately she did very well in recovery and was able to keep her job without issue. i hope that everything works out for you likewise. you are very wise kicking now before things escalate. congratulations on a huge step in the right direction and i wish you the best of luck.

 

[Fornax55]

Weaning one's self is difficult when you have to work, especially as an RN when you have to be active physically and conversationally, but it is possible - though it's often wiser to take a little bit longer so it's not readily apparent to your coworkers that you're going through some sort of sickness. Decrease your dose by 10-20% and maintain for a couple days until you feel comfortable and repeat until you're only at a fraction of what was once your regular dose, then you'll be able to jump off with relative ease. When you do the final jump, make sure you have some loperamide syrup for the runs, something for anxiety (benzos work wonders for anxiety along with some of the physical symptoms), and something to give you energy during the downtime (some choose other illicit substances to fuel themselves but this could easily turn into another addiction, so if this isn't your forte I'd reccomend coffee or matcha) Make sure to take iron supplements during the entire regime as this will help vastly with the RLS.

Another alternative is to switch onto kratom maintenance. Wean yourself off of dilaudids and then switch onto kratom which is much cheaper than dilaudid. You can order it online with relative ease. This method can have tremendous benefits in that kratom simultaneously acts as a stimulant and a sedative, so it will kill your cravings for opiates and supply you with enough energy to power through the workday. A lot of folk use kratom solely for the purpose of providing an energy boost for work.

Once you replace your dilaudid habit with a kratom habit you'll find that much easier to quit and the withdrawal is much more forgiving but you'll want to have the same things handy in your detox kit foro when you kick the kratom.

 

[pbuilder]

Hello all,

I am a new member who is just reaching out for some help. I am an RN who has lost their way. I have developed a habit of shooting dilaudid and have taken the steps to set my self up for a short wean and am absolutely committed to stopping this before it takes my health, the career that I love and the relationships with my friends, family and loved ones. A part of me is very afraid of speaking out about this given my career and the potential consequences that knowledge of my habit could cause, but I have taken time away to heal myself mentally and physically before returning to work. Is there anyone who has been through this before and would be willing to help coach me through their experience and support me through my own? I would be eternally grateful!! Also, if I am doing or saying something inappropriate for this site please let me know! I'm a noob and don't want to start off with my foot in my mouth!! Thanks!!

Look into either a maintenance drug like suboxone, or if you don't want to get doctors involved, I highly highly recommend Kratom (a popular tree/plant from asia, that has been known as the perfect drug for opiate withdrawal, the asians use it to beat opium withdrawal, you can look up kratom and buy some online. It's cheap as hell and legal in almost all states except for like 2 I think, you can get a kilo of the stuff for under 200 bucks from a good source as well. It makes quitting real opiates a piece of cake, and the important thing is that you stop shooting above all else, as it makes the opiate drug use 10x more dangerous, not just because you can OD really easily, but also because you can get all sorts of infections and diseases, and from a bad abscess you could lose a limb, from any type of contamination at all, you can get blood infections which are very serious, or endocarditis, again very serious. IV drug use kills a lot of people not from overdose, but because without perfect sterile technique and micron filtering, the risk for bacterial infections is always going to be high. If you shoot dilaudid pills, micron filtering them is a must.

Kratom is a plant product grinded usually very finely so you just mix with with a beverage and drink it orally, there is no temptation to abuse it with any other method of adminsitration, because a dose is several grams (good luck snorting that, but its plant matter anyways so you wouldn't get effects if you even tried lol) or even up to 10 grams if you are getting off a big habit. Kratom itself is also addictive because the reason it works so well for opiate withdrawal is because it also has strong effects on the opiate system, although I believe it's just a partial opiate agonist, not a full agonist like dilaudid or heroin. So it kind of has like a ceiling dose for effects so it basically has a self mechanism to prevent abuse, and apparently it also has some opiate antagonists within it which I can a test to (basically, the drug has alkaloids in it that help prevent tolerance building, because tolerance from kratom, for me personally at least, who used it to get off fentanyl and heroin many months ago, barely have had any tolerance rising issues at all from kratom, and it just doesn't have that same fiendish cravings like real opiates such as heroin and hydromorphone do. Like, when I was abusing heroin and fentanyl, I'd be redosing constantly throughout the day, trying to chase the high, but with kratom I have no issue at all controlling my usage, which has stayed the same since I used it to detox off other opiates. Once in the morning, and once in the evening, between 5-10 grams per each dose. I could never control my usage of heroin or other popular euphoric opiates, but with kratom, I can buy enough for 2 months, and it actually last 2 months. When I used to buy heroin for a "week", it was gone within a day, 2 at the most lol.

Kratom is like the perfect detoxing and maintenance drug. Don't get me wrong, it really does have legit, strong opiate effects, so eventually you will have to get off of it with a taper, but kratom withdrawals are no where near the intensity of real opiate withdrawals, especially the ones like heroin and fentanyl. Kratom withdrawal doesn't involve non stop puking, or severe diahrea, or really bad stomach cramps, or completely bed bound. The withdrawal effects are a large part mental (depression, anxiety, craving), but you still do get some of the annoying opiate withdrawals like restless legs, depression, anxiety, lack of energy, but it's a walk in the park compared to an IV opiate withdrawals.

It made me get off heroin and fentanyl almost instantly, because it does such a great job at making the withdrawal easy as hell, and you still get an opiate buzz from it albeit light, so after the first few days while you get started on kratom instead of your iv dilaudid, after those first days when the withdrawal would be really awful, it also completely helps you from relapsing because it fills the void that IV opiates have left in you.

It was literally a life saver for me!

 

[Fornax55]

^^there are definite cases of people compulsively dosing with kratom - it's not as common, especially since it's so easy to overstep the bounds of being comfortably buzzed and having to deal with the icky effects of too much kratom but it's a definite possibility.

but, yeah. kratom is a godsend for anyone trying to quit opiates while having to maintain a full time job.

 

[Mycophile]

^^there are definite cases of people compulsively dosing with kratom - it's not as common, especially since it's so easy to overstep the bounds of being comfortably buzzed and having to deal with the icky effects of too much kratom but it's a definite possibility.

but, yeah. kratom is a godsend for anyone trying to quit opiates while having to maintain a full time job.

I have to admit that I'm one of them lol.

Nevertheless, even MASSIVE doses two times a week for me have led to fairly minimal, if not still slightly annoying WD which is over within 24-48 hours.

I've been able to control the number of days I dose per week and avoiding daily consumption/daily dependence, but am looking for more recommendations on how to lower my tolerance and at what point people would consider their dosage high enough that it's time for a break.

It seems that most people's tolerances don't shoot up as much as mine has, probably because they all use harder opiates whereas the only opioid I use is Kratom.

I have to admit that the claim that Kratom "has a ceiling effect" is not one I've totally found to be true.

I think your tolerance rises like any other opioid and you will not only continue to need more for the same effect but you can also consistently get higher by dosing higher usually until you reach a point where you have dosed so much that you will just be tired and sedated and eventually feel like stopping.

 

[namnoc16]

It's not just quitting your substance you will need to get some sort of a structured regiment in your life to replace the chaos. I recommend finding a 12 step support group at least for the beginning. It is very therapeutic to be able to unburden yourself with like minded individuals. You've been living a secret for to long(apparently) and it feels so good to be able to honestly communicate with others. I know it's kind of touchy in your situation so you might want to look for one far from home. I'd tell you to enter a detox because they are confidential but being in your profession you might end up working with some of the people treating you and all the HIPAA in the world doesn't stop people from talking. It's very difficult to taper yourself but it can be done,just remember to stay positive and focus on getting yourself back. People on this sight genuinely care and will be willing to help, you've made a crucial first step. Goodluck!

 

[Fornax55]

I have to admit that I'm one of them lol.

Nevertheless, even MASSIVE doses two times a week for me have led to fairly minimal, if not still slightly annoying WD which is over within 24-48 hours.

I've been able to control the number of days I dose per week and avoiding daily consumption/daily dependence, but am looking for more recommendations on how to lower my tolerance and at what point people would consider their dosage high enough that it's time for a break.

It seems that most people's tolerances don't shoot up as much as mine has, probably because they all use harder opiates whereas the only opioid I use is Kratom.

I have to admit that the claim that Kratom "has a ceiling effect" is not one I've totally found to be true.

I think your tolerance rises like any other opioid and you will not only continue to need more for the same effect but you can also consistently get higher by dosing higher usually until you reach a point where you have dosed so much that you will just be tired and sedated and eventually feel like stopping.

I've reached that point numerous time, my tolerance rises over a period of a month or two and by the time the second month is up my tolerance is so high that I simply can't be bothered to deal with consuming that much kratom - I'll have to boil 15-20 grams per cup of tea and that's just time consuming. Eating any more than like 8 grams is a recipe for disaster anyways.

If you want to reduce your tolerance, try any of the same things that lower tolerance to other opioids - DXM and proglumide. From what I've read I'd recommend proglumide but I haven't had a chance to try it yet - it eliminates cholecystokinin (CCK) which builds up with opiate usage and has been directly linked to increased tolerance. Unfortunately a tolerance to proglumide itself builds up eventually, but the fact that it directly attacks the mechanism responsible for tolerance is awesome.

And, back to the OP... it could be risky indeed going to a detox group if there's a chance that people working in your field could see you there but it might turn out to be the only option available. I'd first try to wean yourself onto kratom. If you can do that, it might even be in your benefit to maintain that habit for a while.

If you do want to do a cold turkey detox, book a week off for "vacation," start weaning yourself now and go cold turkey during your 'vacation.' Make damn sure you start your detox the very day your vacation starts - I booked my week off and didn't manage to start the detox until day 2 of my vacation which kind of crumpled up the whole plan and tossed it in the garbage. Regardless, good luck.

 

[King_Willie]

Man, I dunno if I'd be able to come here while in recovery... this whole place is too much of a trigger for me... My first forays into drug use as a kid, this is where I came..

 

[Kittycat5]

LostLamb, while we dont work in the same field, our situations mirror themselves quite a bit. I never IV'd, I fully relate to your notion of the high being secondary to the initial enjoyment of that first dose. I found the whole ritual of preparing to use extremely enjoyable as well as a difficult obstacle to overcome when I stopped. I know it is cliche, but at the height of my addiction, I didnt even feel high (oxy was my DOC) but just knowing I was going to take it was a thrill in itself.

I was like you in that I didnt involve my friends or family. Unfortunately, this also meant I lied to those most near me and it pains me daily to think how shelfishly I behaved. I hope this isnt the case for you, but if so, you have to come clean. You need the support and understanding of loved ones more than any therapist to set yourself straight (therapy can be beneficial too, not advocating forgoing it).

I think removing yourself from work is the only way to do this quickly and effectively. I would even go as far to say to take a "vacation." Get out of the town you live and work in and go to someplace comfortable to fight this if you have the means. If you have any comfort meds (benzos, clonidine, Lyrica etc.) take full advantage of them. Kratom or Suboxone can be wonderful but limit yourself to 5-10 days max. They can be bitches to quit as well and for me would simply remind me of the whole ritual of drug taking. I did a cold turkey approach and within a week was rather functional, albeit still shitty compared to when using. You have to eat, get outside a bit for some exercise and do all you can to sleep.

I, too had a chance to utilize a company treatment program but thought it was a terrible idea. As you said, rumors would spread and having co-workers trust and respect you again is not something that occurs. Even medical professionals think addiction is caused by a weak mind and could make your job a vertitable hell.

You are a few weeks in now and hope the initial phase has gotten much better. The long term issues of quitting may be starting and can be even harder to fight than detoxing. I hope the temptation is also subsiding, as that is what I struggle with more than anything. License be damned, this shit has a hold over me and I know if the demon comes back, I wouldnt give two shits about anything else. Therapy may actually be really useful here, but I never did it so wont speculate further.

You can do this LostLamb. I havent told my whole story but feel free to PM me for details, questions or to just vent. And remember, your addiction didnt make you a worse nurse or person. Hold your head up high and take care of business as usual.

 

[Kittycat5]

Idk where to go for help. Just took first dose of sub not sure if did it right or if took enough or took too soon. Feel weird. I feel like I'm in a daze yet still feeling the same wd . Not worse tho which was a fear. Almost ready to take a little of my doc but think pointless. I've tried numerous threads snd I'm new here so not sure if going to right place.

You should create your own thread in the future. How much sub did you take, what was your DOC and how much of it were you taking and for how long?

 

[Fornax55]

Did you make your own thread already? I didn't look but if you did I guess this post's redundant.
Anyway, sounds like you couldn't have done your subs better. Starting out at 1mg is the way to go because the amount of naloxone present in 1mg of subonxone isn't enough to put you into precipitated withdrawals even if you've just recently dosed on opiates.

Smiling does feel unfamiiliar after being junked out for a while.. the feeling of a true, honest, naturally-induced smiile (that's not from realizing your dealer finally got back to you) is a beautiful thing, a powerful thing, and sometimes it can hit you pretty hard when you've been junked out for so long that you forgot how to smile. my first smiles always bring tears to my eyes when I start detoxing.

if you started dosing at 1mg sub and feel fine, DON'T increase your dosage. that'd only lead to tolerance and more problems. if 1mg was strong enough to kill your WDs, stay at 1mg for four or five days and then taper down to 0.75 for a couple days, then 0.5, then 0.25, 0.125 or whevnever you feel comfortable jumping off.

You can always grab a small bag of kratom for when you do jump off, too - maybe just thirty grams to keep you through any residual withdrawals. Kratom's a godsend for withdrawals - if you don't know, it's a southeast Asian plant whose primary active alkaloid acts as an opioid and absolutely destroys dope sickness. it is addictive in itself which is why I'd suggest just getting a small bag, maybe an ounce.