Petersko
Bluelighter
Drugs:
Ketamine hydrochloride, 700 mg total insufflated
Background:
This experience was about a year ago, but at the time copious notes were made, and it is still quite strikingly vivid in my head. Note that at the time my tolerance was through the roof, hence the large dose.
Setting:
I was alone, relaxing. Late evening, about 11:00 p.m.. I decided to do some ketamine and watch television.
I had done that on a few occasions, and one of my favorite things was what I can only describe as the "affinity" I would get for whatever was on. The television (a 50" widescreen HDTV) would often become the only visible thing in the room - capturing me as the dosage increased. The characters would separate from the backdrops and float slightly. Sometimes I would get locked into the program, in some kind of loop that tied me to the screen.
As characters moved around, my body would move on a smaller scale in sympathy. For instance, my fingers might follow the movements as a character crossed the screen. Also, a mental tie would form, locking some of my actual thought processes to whatever the program was about. Not that I could follow the program - generally there was a floating three or four minute window of memory.
T: 350 mg insufflated.
T+15: Trip officially started. Enjoying myself. Standard visuals and television tie in mostly present, but not as much. Tolerance has been getting higher lately. Decide that I am probably done with K. Might k-hole for the fun of it.
T+30: Decide to hit the hole running. Television kind of boring me. Did another 350mg and prepared for nighty-night.
My mistake: I didn't turn off the television.
T+45: Realize suddenly that I am absolutely trapped in the program. But only just realize it - it was a momentary break where my thoughts were my own.
Also present, waves of motion I commonly get on K. Often they'll make my fingers flex or my arms move in time to the wave. Now, however, they are cycling up in intensity, and I'm locked in this intense loop with the television.
Suddenly I realize (distantly) that I'm standing. I can't do anything but stare intently at the television - I'm incapable of breaking my gaze. As each cycle wave occurs, I take a half step towards the television, never looking away. I'm not consciously deciding to walk - it's like some external force is willing my limbs. I'm absolutely powerless.
The cycling continues to rise , each step bringing a new crest, and I'm frighteningly aware of the fact that it's approaching some crystal-clear breaking point, and that point is when I touch the television - the focal point.
And finally I'm standing at the TV. I reach out slightly, and touch the TV - and SNAP. I bend in half, immobile, and fall to the ground, broken.
I can make out the room only as a distant postage stamp of a picture, and the cycling is causing all of my thoughts to degrade. I can feel my brain trying to piece things back together, but losing the battle. As it reaches a fevered pitch, I know, with certainty, that this is death - that this is how it feels for the brain to die.
Oddly at peace with it, I finally black out. When I revive enough to look around, I had climbed back onto the sofa. But the tv was out of position, so it had actually happened.
Conclusions:
When I had the near death experience, the belief was total. I KNEW that this was how death feels.
Many people have near death experiences on K, but for me it took a special set of circumstances.
I can't say I enjoyed it in the traditional sense of the word, but I am very glad it happened. It didn't scar me, or scare me. I'll treasure it as one of the most psychedelic experiences of my life.
My K days are behind me now, but I'll remember that one forever.
Ketamine hydrochloride, 700 mg total insufflated
Background:
This experience was about a year ago, but at the time copious notes were made, and it is still quite strikingly vivid in my head. Note that at the time my tolerance was through the roof, hence the large dose.
Setting:
I was alone, relaxing. Late evening, about 11:00 p.m.. I decided to do some ketamine and watch television.
I had done that on a few occasions, and one of my favorite things was what I can only describe as the "affinity" I would get for whatever was on. The television (a 50" widescreen HDTV) would often become the only visible thing in the room - capturing me as the dosage increased. The characters would separate from the backdrops and float slightly. Sometimes I would get locked into the program, in some kind of loop that tied me to the screen.
As characters moved around, my body would move on a smaller scale in sympathy. For instance, my fingers might follow the movements as a character crossed the screen. Also, a mental tie would form, locking some of my actual thought processes to whatever the program was about. Not that I could follow the program - generally there was a floating three or four minute window of memory.
T: 350 mg insufflated.
T+15: Trip officially started. Enjoying myself. Standard visuals and television tie in mostly present, but not as much. Tolerance has been getting higher lately. Decide that I am probably done with K. Might k-hole for the fun of it.
T+30: Decide to hit the hole running. Television kind of boring me. Did another 350mg and prepared for nighty-night.
My mistake: I didn't turn off the television.
T+45: Realize suddenly that I am absolutely trapped in the program. But only just realize it - it was a momentary break where my thoughts were my own.
Also present, waves of motion I commonly get on K. Often they'll make my fingers flex or my arms move in time to the wave. Now, however, they are cycling up in intensity, and I'm locked in this intense loop with the television.
Suddenly I realize (distantly) that I'm standing. I can't do anything but stare intently at the television - I'm incapable of breaking my gaze. As each cycle wave occurs, I take a half step towards the television, never looking away. I'm not consciously deciding to walk - it's like some external force is willing my limbs. I'm absolutely powerless.
The cycling continues to rise , each step bringing a new crest, and I'm frighteningly aware of the fact that it's approaching some crystal-clear breaking point, and that point is when I touch the television - the focal point.
And finally I'm standing at the TV. I reach out slightly, and touch the TV - and SNAP. I bend in half, immobile, and fall to the ground, broken.
I can make out the room only as a distant postage stamp of a picture, and the cycling is causing all of my thoughts to degrade. I can feel my brain trying to piece things back together, but losing the battle. As it reaches a fevered pitch, I know, with certainty, that this is death - that this is how it feels for the brain to die.
Oddly at peace with it, I finally black out. When I revive enough to look around, I had climbed back onto the sofa. But the tv was out of position, so it had actually happened.
Conclusions:
When I had the near death experience, the belief was total. I KNEW that this was how death feels.
Many people have near death experiences on K, but for me it took a special set of circumstances.
I can't say I enjoyed it in the traditional sense of the word, but I am very glad it happened. It didn't scar me, or scare me. I'll treasure it as one of the most psychedelic experiences of my life.
My K days are behind me now, but I'll remember that one forever.
