Im the same …until the hospitalizations started happening (but that wasn’t only for the ketamine). I’ll tell you why it’s worse to be a so called “functional” addict rather than someone that ends up homeless with their youth in tact.
People that are able to mamanage their finances and stay out of legal trouble usually fall victim to the health damage eventually. Someone once told me "addicts typically keep using until they are faced with a a reason to stop,”
Most of the ppl you meet in rrecovery have something that broke them to make them go there…it’s usually being destitute or prison…but if it’s not those then your health is the first thing that falls apart eventually. Something’s gonna give eventually nobody makes it out of poly drug use unscathed if they just continue and continue throughout the years.
I always felt very isolated and like nobody could relate because everyone I met in recovery stopped due to prison and nobody stopped due to health damage.
Sometimes I wish I would’ve been arrested/homeless etc and maybe that would’ve caused me to stop vs health damage coming first
What you've stated here often crosses my mind. The whole functional drug addict aspect of it. Not to mention the question of why do I so need to change the way I feel with these drugs even after all these years??...
The weekly job routine of Mon to Fri, 9 to 5, which i now see as a form of time theft comes to mind here-anything to break the routine and reward us after yet another shitty day or week at work. The proverbial carrot on the end of the stick here, only we also get to take a bite..
Everything has its origins, its roots. To fail to understand them is to fail to understand the present & possibly know the future. I can only gain understanding of such things by deconstructing them to truly know and understand what is what..
Culturally we were raised and programmed to perceive illicit drugs as taboo. In my experience that was the very thing that made me want to access them; the forbidden fruit must be had. I started smoking cannabis at the age of 11 when i was told by my mother "stay away from your uncle's 'tomato plant' we have in our backyard'..
While this need to seek out such things stems from naivety, I must remember that it also stems from the need to learn and know from personal experience. I can't stand people who've formed shallow opinions about things they've never experienced themselves while imposing their will on others based on such a lack of knowledge. My parents are in this category and also the education system. While we were taught the 'just say no to drugs/drugs are bad mmmkay' mantra at school, we were never taught about the pleasure aspect of drug consumption as to learn and understand what it is about these drugs that turns people on to them and makes people enjoy them, at least in the initial phase. Heroin comes to mind here.. Anyone associated with heroin in Australia is deemed as a 'smackie' or a 'junkie' by the mainstream even if you use it occasionally as i have. But i've never expected a pat on the back for using, hence why i've always kept it to myself : )
A balanced form of drug education would have been much more beneficial for me personally.. But i had to learn the hard way which appears to be the case now. My father always said 'you play with fire, you get burned'. But i never wanted to put my hand into it. I just wanted to get close enough to it to feel its warmth.. But 'it's never enough', to quote a line from The Cure's Never Enough..
I must also add that the chasing/seeking out of drugs be it on the street, etc. is also a part of the addiction. There is a thrill in the whole process for me personally-the seeking, the acquisition, then the consumption/reward of the getting in, getting it, getting out, and getting away with it once again.. This part of my life has always been a source of my song writing material. Destructivity leading to creativity..
