Those your qualifications? Here's mine:
High school (
REDACTED High School, 20
REDACTED)
Chemist, private company, 7 years (2012-2019)
In fact, I have a fun story. We hired Dr. Ajay
REDACTED, who was a Ph.D from a renowned American university, had all sorts of glowing qualifications, Eli Lilly award for this-and-that, the whole meal with fries.
We first told him to make 100g - 1000g of a compound called nopinone, from
beta-pinene.
[ref]. After all, it is a simple synthesis from common, cheap materials (
beta-pinene is like $7 a liter = 850g - after all it is approx 30% of typical pine turpentine (balance is the isomer
alpha-pinene))
First problem: Dr. Ajay is what I like to call a "book chemist". He is very well versed in the reading, but following through on applying skills and thinking critically was not really his strong suit.
Second problem: Dr. Ajay has only ever worked on like, 5mg of some estrogen analogue. So he figures to start big with 100mg.
Problem the Third: Dr. Ajay has never done an alkene cleavage like this before. He, I suppose, hits the literature and comes up with a synthesis! Great. The problem is his synthesis was this:
Start with 25mL roundbottom flask (no cooling bath, why bother on such a small scale?) with a magnetic stir bar, 10ml acetone as solvent. Then add 100mg β-pinene.
Next, we add our oxidising agent. Several equivalents of
potassium permanganate will do nicely, he thinks, because it has been used for alkene cleavages for
ages. (Correct reasoning, but an exercise for the reader: do you see the problem that he has just created? Hint: Remember the fire triangle.)
Finally, we need to catalyse the reaction, so let's add a few drops of some 1N hydrochloric acid, and,
wait, what the fuck! It's on fire! The flask is shooting a jet of flame out the top! (which would only leaves a scorch mark and a bunch of manganese dioxide to clean up if left to burn out) but training tells him to empty a blast from the dry powder extinguisher.
After cleaning the tremendous mess from his hood, what does he do next? Well, what any good chemist would do.
He repeats the reaction as before, to the same result. (Maybe it was a fluke the first time?)
Later on, presumably after many other comedic mishaps, he comes into the office with a 4mL vial about a quarter full. "I've made your nopinone!" he says proudly. My boss asks where the other 999 grams are. His face kind of goes blank and he is at a loss for words. (I guess he honestly didn't believe we needed so much - but its close cousin
verbenone is dosed at 8-16g per tree, every 10m.)
He never did make the nopinone.
The final straw was when we gave him a complex oxidation mixture derived from blowing air into a terpene at elevated temperature (advanced synthesis I know), that on GC had 200+ compounds, and asked him to use column chromatography to seperate it.
Well, he did run a column indeed. But he didn't bother to check his work. He gave me a tray of 50 vials to check and I run every 10th one on a GC as a sanity check,
Vial 1? Blank. Vial 10? Blank. Vial 20? Blank. Vial 30? Blank. Vial 40? Has one compound (would have been the first to elute). Vial 50? That same compound. He ran the column, but instead of visualizing bands with a UV light (cool trick, needs special silica tho) or checking his work, he collected 50 fractions and called it a day, leaving 98% of the material still on the silica which he presumably discarded. (he needed more like 500 fractions).
He literally wasted his time and ours and we got nothing useful out of it, because he was hopeless in a lab. Piled Higher and Deeper indeed. (Wiki:
"B.S." stands for "bullshit", "M.S." stands for "More of the Same" (or "More Shit"), and "Ph.D." stands for "Piled Higher and Deeper". )
He was fired shortly after that.
Degrees mean nothing in this day and age.
If you were ever in my lab, you'd either not be allowed to touch anything, or I'd force chemistry learning upon you anyway.