she phoenix
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2009
- Messages
- 1,039
I am a writer, so every time I have an experience out that is out of the ordinary I try to describe it using language. Some people draw – I write. This is usually a pretty easy thing to do as I can just describe what happened and, well, there you have it. But in the case of drug experiences it is often a lot more complicated and difficult, because usual language was not designed to accommodate descriptions of psychoactive experiences.
So that’s why I’m writing this, to see if anyone agrees that this is a competent description of what it actually feels like to take ketamine and to see if anyone else can add to what I have so I may make my diaries as accurate and clear as possible.
I’ll just say I don’t know exactly how much I had as I had not got the equipment necessary for precise dosage: I was on a dark, smoky, rocking bus full of people. I had only used this drug once before, and I don’t even think that should really count as I was (sensibly) easing myself into threshold effects to see whether it worked for me before jumping straight on into the deep end. I like to do that. It’s safer. I guess relatively, I mustn’t have had nearly as much as what some would call a ‘normal’ dose, but let’s just say it was much more than the amount I’d done before and probably much less than the dose that seasoned k lovers would partake in.
I got into the habit of insufflating a line and then a nitrous balloon 5-10 minutes later. Heaven.
I was warm and incredibly comfortable. Every so often a delicious wave of euphoria would hit me. I noticed myself let out audible groans a few times: serious pleasure. Spasmodically I teetered over the edge of reality, finding alternating confusion and euphoria. Walking was HARD. Usually such a simple task, it felt like I was attempting to cross a canyon on a tightrope in gale force wind. Getting from A to B genuinely felt chaotic. At times I would be alone in myself and then I’d slip back out and begin coherent conversation again. Then I’d have more and another balloon, deciding that I was too associated and required a top up of disassociatives.
It kind of twisted my morals a bit. Unlike an introspective hallucinogenic trip where you ponder over your guilt and morals, this sort of blocked that kind of thinking out. It might have made me a little deceptive, perhaps selfish. For much of it I was not thinking like I usually do at all, but that’s ok as recently I’ve been needing a break from my own tediously repetitive thought loops.
It felt so right. I scribbled on some paper after a line ‘I honestly and whole-heartedly do NOT feel bad about this.’
One truly incredible moment of this night was when I had already consumed quite a lot of ketamine and had another nos balloon. Now this bit I really do have trouble describing. I got so far out into space, so far. It was superlative and I cannot competently put it into words. At the end of these few seconds/minutes/hours my ego returned in the form of my disembodied self shouting my name over and over. I realised where I was. I realised who I was. I was very, very happy.
“That was… rather special,” I gasped.
After this came a lot of stuff that I was supposed to sort out. I was at a do in the middle of nowhere so sorting out a taxi home was essential to prevent us having to walk for something like 6 hours just to get back to civilisation. It was difficult to fully understand what was going on for much of it but I must say it was very nice not to be in full control for once – of myself or the situation. That may sound odd, but usually I am a natural leader and feel obliged to take control of a situation and organise people into orderly action. That was thrown out of the window. I was quite happy to have things sorted out for me for a change; I followed who I was supposed to follow with a massive grin on my face. A well deserved break from responsibility.
It surprised me how the day after I was completely back to normal. Being used to MDMA, it was a lovely surprise not to experience any faint residual wobble, no eye wiggles or exhaustion or general comedown feeling. In fact I worked hard at my responsibilities as I normally would and went about my day as per usual.
I had a truly brilliant time – a classic good drug experience but different from anything else I’ve ever experienced before. And next time…
I’m going deeper.
So that’s why I’m writing this, to see if anyone agrees that this is a competent description of what it actually feels like to take ketamine and to see if anyone else can add to what I have so I may make my diaries as accurate and clear as possible.
I’ll just say I don’t know exactly how much I had as I had not got the equipment necessary for precise dosage: I was on a dark, smoky, rocking bus full of people. I had only used this drug once before, and I don’t even think that should really count as I was (sensibly) easing myself into threshold effects to see whether it worked for me before jumping straight on into the deep end. I like to do that. It’s safer. I guess relatively, I mustn’t have had nearly as much as what some would call a ‘normal’ dose, but let’s just say it was much more than the amount I’d done before and probably much less than the dose that seasoned k lovers would partake in.
I got into the habit of insufflating a line and then a nitrous balloon 5-10 minutes later. Heaven.
I was warm and incredibly comfortable. Every so often a delicious wave of euphoria would hit me. I noticed myself let out audible groans a few times: serious pleasure. Spasmodically I teetered over the edge of reality, finding alternating confusion and euphoria. Walking was HARD. Usually such a simple task, it felt like I was attempting to cross a canyon on a tightrope in gale force wind. Getting from A to B genuinely felt chaotic. At times I would be alone in myself and then I’d slip back out and begin coherent conversation again. Then I’d have more and another balloon, deciding that I was too associated and required a top up of disassociatives.
It kind of twisted my morals a bit. Unlike an introspective hallucinogenic trip where you ponder over your guilt and morals, this sort of blocked that kind of thinking out. It might have made me a little deceptive, perhaps selfish. For much of it I was not thinking like I usually do at all, but that’s ok as recently I’ve been needing a break from my own tediously repetitive thought loops.
It felt so right. I scribbled on some paper after a line ‘I honestly and whole-heartedly do NOT feel bad about this.’
One truly incredible moment of this night was when I had already consumed quite a lot of ketamine and had another nos balloon. Now this bit I really do have trouble describing. I got so far out into space, so far. It was superlative and I cannot competently put it into words. At the end of these few seconds/minutes/hours my ego returned in the form of my disembodied self shouting my name over and over. I realised where I was. I realised who I was. I was very, very happy.
“That was… rather special,” I gasped.
After this came a lot of stuff that I was supposed to sort out. I was at a do in the middle of nowhere so sorting out a taxi home was essential to prevent us having to walk for something like 6 hours just to get back to civilisation. It was difficult to fully understand what was going on for much of it but I must say it was very nice not to be in full control for once – of myself or the situation. That may sound odd, but usually I am a natural leader and feel obliged to take control of a situation and organise people into orderly action. That was thrown out of the window. I was quite happy to have things sorted out for me for a change; I followed who I was supposed to follow with a massive grin on my face. A well deserved break from responsibility.
It surprised me how the day after I was completely back to normal. Being used to MDMA, it was a lovely surprise not to experience any faint residual wobble, no eye wiggles or exhaustion or general comedown feeling. In fact I worked hard at my responsibilities as I normally would and went about my day as per usual.
I had a truly brilliant time – a classic good drug experience but different from anything else I’ve ever experienced before. And next time…
I’m going deeper.
hope you enjoy your deeper journeys in K land