fairnymph
Ex-Bluelighter
Dose: 75 mg, intramuscularly administered (from Ketaset vial)
Experience: about 7 times with ketamine, very experienced with other drugs, 2 times holing/semi-holing before this
Setting: Alone, in my room/in bed, during the late afternoon, I am slightly sick (ear infection) but otherwise feeling fine. It is beautiful and sunny outside.
Duration: in a k-hole: 1 hour; full time feeling the ketamine: 2 hrs, 15 minutes
I feel slightly nervous/excited while setting up the needle -- I am very much anticipating a breakthrough experience, and I both look forward too and slightly fear this experience.
The IM goes well; burns/stings as usual but it's over quickly and I am lying down waiting for it to kick in. As it begins to kick in I feel the familar warmth and tingling/numbing of the body high. The comeup is definitely not sudden, and I do feel as if I am being 'eased' into the experience, but when I really feel it kick in, I am slightly overwhelmed and 'floored' for lack of a better word.
I will try and convey/recall as much of this trip as I can, but I have to be honest with you; much of the trip was a blur, even while I was in it. It was, for the most part, NOT lucid, and in this respect it was a much different experience from my previous ketamine trip (see report in this forum). I will try and relate what bits I can, but if my report seems incoherent, well, it was an incoherent trip....
The 'buzzing' sound that I have always had with injected ketamine, and with nitrous, returns. Other than that, I might as well be in a sound vaccuum, and until later in my trip, I am aware of/hear few sounds.
There is definitely a substantial amount of ego loss, in that I feel both less myself, and more a part of the collective whole (if this last term doesn't make sense to you, than I can't explain it any better). I am less interested in myself, in my life and my affairs...they seem somehow unimportant, irrelevant etc....especially because I am viewing them from a larger perspective, and thus in comparision to the infinite my own portion of the universe seems trivial. Now, this is obviously an intellectual conclusion that I could come to without injecting ketamine -- but during my trip, I don't merely THINK this thought (that *I* am irrelevant), I actually FEEL it. It is similar to, yet distinct from, suicidal feelings I have had -- where I dont feel that anything matters, and I feel like my life could end and it would not bother me. However, the feeling I have during the trip is not tinged with the same sort of hopelessness -- but it does share the feeling of indifference that is a part of suicidal thinking. I find this feeling somwhat frightening, but not in a panicky type of way, and I do not panic during the trip.
My sense of time during the trip is totally out of whack. It's not that there is time dilation (although time did, on the surface, seem to slow down) -- becuase I am familar with time dilation/slow down from my previous experience with shrooms and especially acid, and I am absolutely *terrified* by extreme time slow down. On ketamine, it is more as if time simply ceases to exist. I suppose that in reality (and I mean a broader sense of the word reality, broader than the human sense) time DOESN'T exist, but as a human, it is still very strange for me to exist in a timeless state, even if only temporarily. Time truly ceases to be a dimension during this trip.
Because I am so overwhelmed, I have alot of difficulty directing the trip at all. I want to, but I can't, and so instead many emotions and thoughts and lots of information rush over me, almost in waves. I can't absorb or process it all, there is just so MUCH and it is all happening so FAST/in such a full stream that I can't possibly begin to analyze it all.
Perhaps becuase I am tripping in the daytime, my thoughts are not drawn to extra-terrestrials as they were during my last ketamine trip. Instead, I think about two men I know, both of whom have extensive experience with ketamine (in fact, former k addicts). I think about how this experience I am having has impacted them and shaped their views of reality. It is like a glimpse into their minds, and it is a little frightening. I also almost feel (though it is not a clear, strong feeling -- throughout the trip I always feel muddled/confused, at least slightly) as if I am communicating with some part of these men's consciousness's. Of course, I have no idea of knowing whether I am invoking/imagining this communication, or if it is actually occurring, and I am actually interacting with some part of these men's minds. But, at least at the time, I feel as I am indeed having a sort of telepathic conversation with this men (not simultaneously, but rather sequentially).
There is more confusion and definitely some fear/anxiety associated with this confusion and the intensity of the trip, but I am able to remain relatively calm. There is more that happens but I cannot put it into words or recall it, and neither could I percieve it clearly at the time.
For the most intense parts of my trip, I truly do not recall if my eyes were open or closed. I do not think it is relevant either way -- sight, like all of my senses, was simply absent for a while. I am 100% sure, however, that I remain conscious throughout the trip. I do not recall a lapse in consciousness or blacking out at all.
As I begin to sober up (which happens a LOT more gradually at this dose than at 45 mg SC), I can definitely tell that my vision is blurry, and there seems to be more 'motion' in the world. When I move (eg, turn over in bed) it is a big effort, and it seems like the whole world is rotating with me. Sounds seem both muffled and more dramatic at the same time.
At this point, a friend arrives and though I am still feeling the effects of the ketamine (though definitely no longer holing), I get up and help prepare some food with her. I have to sit down though after walking around a bit as I become nauseous from the activity (and fortunately the nausea then subsides). Slowly I sober up over the next hour or so.
Summary: This is all still rather overwhelming, so I will write more about my own personal reaction to the trip in a day or so.
Experience: about 7 times with ketamine, very experienced with other drugs, 2 times holing/semi-holing before this
Setting: Alone, in my room/in bed, during the late afternoon, I am slightly sick (ear infection) but otherwise feeling fine. It is beautiful and sunny outside.
Duration: in a k-hole: 1 hour; full time feeling the ketamine: 2 hrs, 15 minutes
I feel slightly nervous/excited while setting up the needle -- I am very much anticipating a breakthrough experience, and I both look forward too and slightly fear this experience.
The IM goes well; burns/stings as usual but it's over quickly and I am lying down waiting for it to kick in. As it begins to kick in I feel the familar warmth and tingling/numbing of the body high. The comeup is definitely not sudden, and I do feel as if I am being 'eased' into the experience, but when I really feel it kick in, I am slightly overwhelmed and 'floored' for lack of a better word.
I will try and convey/recall as much of this trip as I can, but I have to be honest with you; much of the trip was a blur, even while I was in it. It was, for the most part, NOT lucid, and in this respect it was a much different experience from my previous ketamine trip (see report in this forum). I will try and relate what bits I can, but if my report seems incoherent, well, it was an incoherent trip....
The 'buzzing' sound that I have always had with injected ketamine, and with nitrous, returns. Other than that, I might as well be in a sound vaccuum, and until later in my trip, I am aware of/hear few sounds.
There is definitely a substantial amount of ego loss, in that I feel both less myself, and more a part of the collective whole (if this last term doesn't make sense to you, than I can't explain it any better). I am less interested in myself, in my life and my affairs...they seem somehow unimportant, irrelevant etc....especially because I am viewing them from a larger perspective, and thus in comparision to the infinite my own portion of the universe seems trivial. Now, this is obviously an intellectual conclusion that I could come to without injecting ketamine -- but during my trip, I don't merely THINK this thought (that *I* am irrelevant), I actually FEEL it. It is similar to, yet distinct from, suicidal feelings I have had -- where I dont feel that anything matters, and I feel like my life could end and it would not bother me. However, the feeling I have during the trip is not tinged with the same sort of hopelessness -- but it does share the feeling of indifference that is a part of suicidal thinking. I find this feeling somwhat frightening, but not in a panicky type of way, and I do not panic during the trip.
My sense of time during the trip is totally out of whack. It's not that there is time dilation (although time did, on the surface, seem to slow down) -- becuase I am familar with time dilation/slow down from my previous experience with shrooms and especially acid, and I am absolutely *terrified* by extreme time slow down. On ketamine, it is more as if time simply ceases to exist. I suppose that in reality (and I mean a broader sense of the word reality, broader than the human sense) time DOESN'T exist, but as a human, it is still very strange for me to exist in a timeless state, even if only temporarily. Time truly ceases to be a dimension during this trip.
Because I am so overwhelmed, I have alot of difficulty directing the trip at all. I want to, but I can't, and so instead many emotions and thoughts and lots of information rush over me, almost in waves. I can't absorb or process it all, there is just so MUCH and it is all happening so FAST/in such a full stream that I can't possibly begin to analyze it all.
Perhaps becuase I am tripping in the daytime, my thoughts are not drawn to extra-terrestrials as they were during my last ketamine trip. Instead, I think about two men I know, both of whom have extensive experience with ketamine (in fact, former k addicts). I think about how this experience I am having has impacted them and shaped their views of reality. It is like a glimpse into their minds, and it is a little frightening. I also almost feel (though it is not a clear, strong feeling -- throughout the trip I always feel muddled/confused, at least slightly) as if I am communicating with some part of these men's consciousness's. Of course, I have no idea of knowing whether I am invoking/imagining this communication, or if it is actually occurring, and I am actually interacting with some part of these men's minds. But, at least at the time, I feel as I am indeed having a sort of telepathic conversation with this men (not simultaneously, but rather sequentially).
There is more confusion and definitely some fear/anxiety associated with this confusion and the intensity of the trip, but I am able to remain relatively calm. There is more that happens but I cannot put it into words or recall it, and neither could I percieve it clearly at the time.
For the most intense parts of my trip, I truly do not recall if my eyes were open or closed. I do not think it is relevant either way -- sight, like all of my senses, was simply absent for a while. I am 100% sure, however, that I remain conscious throughout the trip. I do not recall a lapse in consciousness or blacking out at all.
As I begin to sober up (which happens a LOT more gradually at this dose than at 45 mg SC), I can definitely tell that my vision is blurry, and there seems to be more 'motion' in the world. When I move (eg, turn over in bed) it is a big effort, and it seems like the whole world is rotating with me. Sounds seem both muffled and more dramatic at the same time.
At this point, a friend arrives and though I am still feeling the effects of the ketamine (though definitely no longer holing), I get up and help prepare some food with her. I have to sit down though after walking around a bit as I become nauseous from the activity (and fortunately the nausea then subsides). Slowly I sober up over the next hour or so.
Summary: This is all still rather overwhelming, so I will write more about my own personal reaction to the trip in a day or so.
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