Over the past year I've been experimenting with ketamine. Mainly I have been surfing on the edge of the hole for quite some time. On the edge I have experienced quite a plethora of psychedelic near out-of-body effects. My taste for dissociation has matured over the past year and I have begun to really love it. In fact I have become so cozy and comfortable in the luscious depths that I decided it was finally time to go to the beyond.
The setting was a very peaceful, minmalistist, clean environment: my bedroom, with a bed that has a purple mattress which very uniquely hugs and contours to your body and already makes you feel floaty by itself. The sheets were freshly washed, silky, and smelled nice. My blanket is a weighted 25-lb. glass bead quilt which also hugs and contours to your body and weighs down on you gently, which I find soothing and comfortable. I sometimes will cover myself entirely with this weighted blanket when dropping down in. I have found that having the setting be as clean and serene and peaceful as possible enhances deep dissociative states, especially at the mid-level, before diving in.
I turned off the music and the TV and lights. My 2 black cats came in and joined me. Cats are very interesting to have around during my ketamine trips, they are delightful to pet and interact with.
I sat in my bed, readied myself with some brief meditation, and laid out a large 150mg line. I snorted it and laid down and got nice and and cozy under my sheets and blanket and memory foam pillow and already I am feeling it set in, just a gentle uplift in mood accompanied by a light shedding of the concerns of everyday living. For a short time I am feeling what I call pre-launch sensuality where my bed and blankets and sheet and everything touching me feels extra delightful and sensual almost like an mdma experience. This doesn't last very long though.
After a few minutes in this pre-launch sensual stage I am starting to feel my body and mind begin to smoothly drift away bit by bit, and the gentle haze of dissociation starts to wash over me along with a familiar ringing sound in my ears that is becoming louder and louder. I am coming up and this is like the engines of my starship spinning up getting us ready for launch. The dissolving of everyday concerns is becoming more pronounced and I feel like I am sinking and floating at the same time. A light dusty amorphous veil is beginning to descend on my closed eye vision. There is some form of movement in the darkness as the first sweet drips of ketamine come down. I feel it softly clunk me deeper down into the hazy foam of dissociation. The sound I hear, my ears ringing, like a loud static hiss, is getting louder and my sense of space around me is distorting and I can feel gravity starting to loosen its grip on my body. I can sense there is more virtual space around me now on all sides. I'm starting to feel like I can see through my eyelids as well, I get this often. There is more gentle visual effects starting to appear, as if there is motion on moving panes of transparent paper with textured surfaces. And then my starship begins to lift off the ground, rising slowly at first, and then moving forward at increasing speed.
As space around me starts to unfold, and the physical sensations of my human body continue to fade and dissolve, I begin to experience one of the best effects of dissociation set in, the shedding of my emotions, as my fears, insecurities, worries, and concerns of all things physical dissolve and give way to a robust hearty confidence in whatever lies ahead. This is especially nice for me since I have borderline personality disorder. So any time I can shed emotions is a godsend.
I am still lucid in my thoughts and I am deciding to let go now of all the things human that I knew before this moment. There is a last shread of fear and then I am gone as if my body slowly vaporized into a black hole. I'm falling in, like sleep, into a dreamworld of constantly unfolding dimensions of k-space beyond anything I can properly put into words. Everything is dark and black and purple and taking on misty web-like multi-tiered multi-faceted 3D shapes that are fractal-based but organic. My sense of self is that I am physically a part of all these unfolding overlapping shapes and it is infinite in nature. It is the same above, as it is below. It is like a large 18 sided die that is is constant transmission both outward and inward and I am one with all of this and I can feel being a part of it. It is alien beyond anything I have ever imagined. I am experiencing the infinite. I feel like this is what death may be like and I am heartened by this thought. Possibly this state of flux exists between what we know as "life". My body is completely gone. I am out of body now and although I am in total astonishment and flattened to a level I have never reached before even in high dose LSD, I am totally at peace with everything.
My lucid thoughts are giving way to a deeper dream now. Sometimes I can hear the sound of my breath, like giving up a big sigh, I feel like I have no control over it but I know it's me. There are a few times here where a thought I stopped breathing. Something that looks like sunlight is breaking in through the edges of my vision which is followed by blob-like webby shapes which are crystalizing into black diamond-shaped crystals that have strata of layers of blinking red lines throughout them and then they go back again and fold into themselves like a multi-dimensional hyoercube, over and over into infinity and I can feel all this as if I am experiencing an alien nervous system or as if I am part of a hive mind. I look to the left and right and indeed I am now part of an infinite wall of biomechanical machines and we are all linked together as one, almost like an MC Echer painting, thousands of us all together and I can feel them all and be one with them all. This is one area that takes on a somewhat sinister tone to me, being part of an infinite hive machine that does not age and lives forever in a multitude of dimensions and realities. The thought of being part of that was somewhat dystopic and scary to me, because at this point, my previous reality and body was long gone and my lucid thinking was more diminished and fragmented out across oblivion. I could not easily add things together and discern that I was tripping as I once did and so I thought that this might be what reality really is and there may be no coming back. Nonetheless I had a strange confidence to keep going and trust the engineers.
And so on I went on, deeper in to the infinite. Many more times I ended up merging with fractalized organic unfolding blankets of thick "living" material that could integrate with my body on the atomic level at will, as if everything I was experiencing was digital. I often felt like I was comfortably sandwiched between these layers and then suddenly my body would vaporize into hundreds of particles that would spread out over miles of space and re-integrate into other forms over and over again. The hive-mind motif was prominent and taking on several biomechanical iterations. I had the distinct thought on several occasions that what I was seeing could not be created with the human mind or a k-hole or a trip or a dream, it could only be done with a computer or similar power. I am still very convinced of this. There was too much precision and exact repetition of shapes and patterns for a human mind to assemble and hold in place.
Thus I arrived at a final realization, and the only one I brought back: ketamine somehow removed the thin veil I know as reality. It's somewhat cliché I know, the whole thing where we live in a simulation, like in the matrix. But this one is much deeper, everything we know, and all life in this universe is most likely generated at this bottom atomic digital plank scale. Much much smaller than atoms. Maybe this is the source where atoms get their force from. Weather the source is synthetic or from God I don't know, but I have no doubt I experienced it in this k-hole, in the form of an infinite possibility-generating substrate, like a grid that overlays the physical dimension, spanning infinitely throughout eternity and time.
From this deepest point I began to slowly return as I suddenly had brief moments of senses returning, and I began to be aware of my body again, my lucid thinking began to return bit by bit, and although I was still dropping in and out of the abyss and it felt dreamlike, I was aware of coming back up. I was aware of re-integrating into a finite world with gravity and 3 dimensions and time. I sat up and pet my cats and snuggled them and felt a deep love and communion with them that we are all in this together. We all have arisen together from this infinite source. What we view as everyday reality is just a ride. Like an amusement park for spirit beings to experience mortality, time, and the finite.
The journey was over now, about 40 minutes had passed.
So I loved the k-hole experience. I'm sitting in its afterglow now as I write this. It's not as scary as other psychedelics. My only concern now is trying to continue to use ketamine responsibly. I already wanna do it again. It is a seductive drug no doubt and I don't want it to lose its magic. If you have an addictive personality I suggest using caution.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_4cd
substancecode_ariadne
substancecode_phenethylamines
explevel_secondtime
exptype_positive
roacode_oral
The setting was a very peaceful, minmalistist, clean environment: my bedroom, with a bed that has a purple mattress which very uniquely hugs and contours to your body and already makes you feel floaty by itself. The sheets were freshly washed, silky, and smelled nice. My blanket is a weighted 25-lb. glass bead quilt which also hugs and contours to your body and weighs down on you gently, which I find soothing and comfortable. I sometimes will cover myself entirely with this weighted blanket when dropping down in. I have found that having the setting be as clean and serene and peaceful as possible enhances deep dissociative states, especially at the mid-level, before diving in.
I turned off the music and the TV and lights. My 2 black cats came in and joined me. Cats are very interesting to have around during my ketamine trips, they are delightful to pet and interact with.
I sat in my bed, readied myself with some brief meditation, and laid out a large 150mg line. I snorted it and laid down and got nice and and cozy under my sheets and blanket and memory foam pillow and already I am feeling it set in, just a gentle uplift in mood accompanied by a light shedding of the concerns of everyday living. For a short time I am feeling what I call pre-launch sensuality where my bed and blankets and sheet and everything touching me feels extra delightful and sensual almost like an mdma experience. This doesn't last very long though.
After a few minutes in this pre-launch sensual stage I am starting to feel my body and mind begin to smoothly drift away bit by bit, and the gentle haze of dissociation starts to wash over me along with a familiar ringing sound in my ears that is becoming louder and louder. I am coming up and this is like the engines of my starship spinning up getting us ready for launch. The dissolving of everyday concerns is becoming more pronounced and I feel like I am sinking and floating at the same time. A light dusty amorphous veil is beginning to descend on my closed eye vision. There is some form of movement in the darkness as the first sweet drips of ketamine come down. I feel it softly clunk me deeper down into the hazy foam of dissociation. The sound I hear, my ears ringing, like a loud static hiss, is getting louder and my sense of space around me is distorting and I can feel gravity starting to loosen its grip on my body. I can sense there is more virtual space around me now on all sides. I'm starting to feel like I can see through my eyelids as well, I get this often. There is more gentle visual effects starting to appear, as if there is motion on moving panes of transparent paper with textured surfaces. And then my starship begins to lift off the ground, rising slowly at first, and then moving forward at increasing speed.
As space around me starts to unfold, and the physical sensations of my human body continue to fade and dissolve, I begin to experience one of the best effects of dissociation set in, the shedding of my emotions, as my fears, insecurities, worries, and concerns of all things physical dissolve and give way to a robust hearty confidence in whatever lies ahead. This is especially nice for me since I have borderline personality disorder. So any time I can shed emotions is a godsend.
I am still lucid in my thoughts and I am deciding to let go now of all the things human that I knew before this moment. There is a last shread of fear and then I am gone as if my body slowly vaporized into a black hole. I'm falling in, like sleep, into a dreamworld of constantly unfolding dimensions of k-space beyond anything I can properly put into words. Everything is dark and black and purple and taking on misty web-like multi-tiered multi-faceted 3D shapes that are fractal-based but organic. My sense of self is that I am physically a part of all these unfolding overlapping shapes and it is infinite in nature. It is the same above, as it is below. It is like a large 18 sided die that is is constant transmission both outward and inward and I am one with all of this and I can feel being a part of it. It is alien beyond anything I have ever imagined. I am experiencing the infinite. I feel like this is what death may be like and I am heartened by this thought. Possibly this state of flux exists between what we know as "life". My body is completely gone. I am out of body now and although I am in total astonishment and flattened to a level I have never reached before even in high dose LSD, I am totally at peace with everything.
My lucid thoughts are giving way to a deeper dream now. Sometimes I can hear the sound of my breath, like giving up a big sigh, I feel like I have no control over it but I know it's me. There are a few times here where a thought I stopped breathing. Something that looks like sunlight is breaking in through the edges of my vision which is followed by blob-like webby shapes which are crystalizing into black diamond-shaped crystals that have strata of layers of blinking red lines throughout them and then they go back again and fold into themselves like a multi-dimensional hyoercube, over and over into infinity and I can feel all this as if I am experiencing an alien nervous system or as if I am part of a hive mind. I look to the left and right and indeed I am now part of an infinite wall of biomechanical machines and we are all linked together as one, almost like an MC Echer painting, thousands of us all together and I can feel them all and be one with them all. This is one area that takes on a somewhat sinister tone to me, being part of an infinite hive machine that does not age and lives forever in a multitude of dimensions and realities. The thought of being part of that was somewhat dystopic and scary to me, because at this point, my previous reality and body was long gone and my lucid thinking was more diminished and fragmented out across oblivion. I could not easily add things together and discern that I was tripping as I once did and so I thought that this might be what reality really is and there may be no coming back. Nonetheless I had a strange confidence to keep going and trust the engineers.
And so on I went on, deeper in to the infinite. Many more times I ended up merging with fractalized organic unfolding blankets of thick "living" material that could integrate with my body on the atomic level at will, as if everything I was experiencing was digital. I often felt like I was comfortably sandwiched between these layers and then suddenly my body would vaporize into hundreds of particles that would spread out over miles of space and re-integrate into other forms over and over again. The hive-mind motif was prominent and taking on several biomechanical iterations. I had the distinct thought on several occasions that what I was seeing could not be created with the human mind or a k-hole or a trip or a dream, it could only be done with a computer or similar power. I am still very convinced of this. There was too much precision and exact repetition of shapes and patterns for a human mind to assemble and hold in place.
Thus I arrived at a final realization, and the only one I brought back: ketamine somehow removed the thin veil I know as reality. It's somewhat cliché I know, the whole thing where we live in a simulation, like in the matrix. But this one is much deeper, everything we know, and all life in this universe is most likely generated at this bottom atomic digital plank scale. Much much smaller than atoms. Maybe this is the source where atoms get their force from. Weather the source is synthetic or from God I don't know, but I have no doubt I experienced it in this k-hole, in the form of an infinite possibility-generating substrate, like a grid that overlays the physical dimension, spanning infinitely throughout eternity and time.
From this deepest point I began to slowly return as I suddenly had brief moments of senses returning, and I began to be aware of my body again, my lucid thinking began to return bit by bit, and although I was still dropping in and out of the abyss and it felt dreamlike, I was aware of coming back up. I was aware of re-integrating into a finite world with gravity and 3 dimensions and time. I sat up and pet my cats and snuggled them and felt a deep love and communion with them that we are all in this together. We all have arisen together from this infinite source. What we view as everyday reality is just a ride. Like an amusement park for spirit beings to experience mortality, time, and the finite.
The journey was over now, about 40 minutes had passed.
So I loved the k-hole experience. I'm sitting in its afterglow now as I write this. It's not as scary as other psychedelics. My only concern now is trying to continue to use ketamine responsibly. I already wanna do it again. It is a seductive drug no doubt and I don't want it to lose its magic. If you have an addictive personality I suggest using caution.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_4cd
substancecode_ariadne
substancecode_phenethylamines
explevel_secondtime
exptype_positive
roacode_oral
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