SpellmanT7
Bluelighter
(n.b. - I take levetiracetam for its anti-convulsant properties and had taken 1000mg before other events)
Background: I am a SET and SETTING proponent. I'm bad at accepting that ketamine is addictive because under normal circumstances, I hold back on holing unless my 'control' conditions are met. I have a history of whining at ketamine users whose frequency of use is different to my own.
So, friday night and yes, yes yes, I have the house all to myself.
It was always going to be like this - a family vacation (I passed at the opportunity) meant I'd have three days of freedom and perfect k-holing opportunity.
Things didn't start well. I *always* use nitrous in conjunction with ketamine - it calms me before dosing, it softens the onset and despite nasty, nasty visuals (that seem like it can help in post-hole environments) The postal service didn't play their part and I was forced to 'fly solo' when dosing.
In this circustance, I really strayed from the past 'ketamine admin methodology' approach. Every other time, there'd be two or three german weissbiers in the fridge, one pack of marlboro menthol and one pack of marlboro reds (all for the 'post-hole-glow' phase).
I'd settled for some czech beer, hadn't been able to get to the shop that stocked the menthols and the forementioned nitrous never arrived. . .
Without the preset parameters, I'd been slack in terms of preparing a suitable selection of 'hole-entry-music', also I neglected to clean my room - normally it'd represented a 'sterile-esque' environment.
This was my first time using a dextro-routed stimulant, rather than a dextro/levo combination - I really had no idea how much/little dexedrine was required in comparison to past methylphenidate (i.e. levo not dextro action)trips.
Two weeks experience with dexedrine after 3 months of scripted methylphenidate for ADD(concerta XL, to be exact), had given me the impression that dex. was a really clean, smooth drug. Nowhere near as addictive as ritalin, yet effective, longer lasting and without addiction potential - 'it just aint fun'!
<if you have a tendency to seek effective yet overly pleasurable treatment options as I normally do, dexedrine really worked out well as an alternative to methylphenidate - it has been vastly better for ADD than methylphenidate + little abuse potential IME>
On previous occasions I'd sucked the coating off a 18mg concerta capsule, roughly 15 minutes prior to dosing with ketamine. I broke a 5mg dex tablet in half, broke off roughly 2mg and let it sit, sublingually, until it dissolved. That'd be a equiivalent dose to the methylphenidate, I thought...
Prior to snorting the ketamine, I would normally have inhaled 6-12 whippits of nitrous. I always felt calmer, somewhat *giddy* yet pacified. No nitrous meant that I approached the three lines of ketamine with trepidation - no ' chilled' approach tonight.
I must've been snorting harder than normal - the first line seemed to bond lower down my septum than normal. I adjusted my 'snort speed' and didn't get the same unpleasant feeling....ahhh - the 'toasted marshmallow teacakes' (a once popular confectionary here in the UK).
I pulled my mattress onto the floor, arranged the sheets as necessary. The need to 'get horizontal' was approaching and I didn't realise I'd neglected my normal approach to finding something comfortable to lie down in and hole to. I removed my jeans and t-shirt, the boxers I had on weren't my first choice but time was precious.
I'd picked out 'substitute for love' and 'ray of light' from a madonna album as my entry tracks (normally, the choice involves a thorough rifling through of my CD collection). They didn't fit my normal choices - ideally it'd be an instrumental piece, lyrics dont sit well in the ketamine realm....
When originally posting this report, I believed that I'd skipped past the first track but having listened to a dictaphone recording of the experience, it seems I let both tracks play in their entirity.
The Trip:
It wasn't like the previous times - my ego was dissolved quickly and the audio tracks didn't shadow my 'slow burner' style.
Things got unpleasant quickly, despite a brief OBE-like viewing of the room where I had control of the 'camera' angle and shifting.
Normally, I'd try to expand upon the themes and entities I was introduced to. This time, the pattern seemed to be fastracking towards 'total and utter nothingness'.
The incarnations were dark - I rarely see much in the way of colour early on but the low-level entities I inhabited did little to calm me. I cant remember, chronologically, when the following occured so will list the embodiments:
i. A circular pattern, 'existence' revolving through 360 degrees and encompassing a camera panning on me - sat on a bed, a sort of OBE that put me in the centre of the imagery
ii. Total darkness, no prompting in regards to which pathway to take.
iii. Total and utter lunacy - the vision of hospital staff lingering above me and trying to calm me down
iv. Every atom in existence, under my control, prompting me for guidance
v. A bed, with a 'sea' of medication-like blister packs underneath.
vi. A sudden sense of having a physical presence (i.e. the I think I just breathed...in the real world sense) feeling
vii. The 'standard issue' image of a room, nothing like the room I was in - very disturbing at the time
iix. Death. Total and utter death. Absolute belief that nothing existed, I was isolated in an existence prior to humanity (various version of this presented themselves).
ix. A physical presence yet total and utter failure to acknowledge objects around me - I grabbed at my pillow yet its structure indicated it was nothing more than 'expanded space' - I *think* I was capable of identifying such an item yet the tactile sensatioin suggested it was fake, and that everything around me was fake
x. The burden of forging a universe, whilst having no concept of what would happen.
I could continue but my recollections were too poor to allow me to descibe them. There was a strong sense that throughout several of these incarnations that I had separated myself from the physical realm of all others and would be confined to a mental asylum*
*A long time ago, I had a supposedly failsafe method of recalling reaity - it revolved around naming the capitals of several european cities. During previous trips it succeeded in grounding me but 'existence' itself wasn't apparent now - the fact that I had placed such faith in this, simply served to worry me to a huge degree.
In time, I began to perform such actions as rubbing my hands together - the sensation of having 'touch' helped my restoration to reality. In addition, when I realised that I was able to breathe (why would a dead person breathe?), I moved towards the path of consciousness.
This was by far the most disturbing experience I have had with ketamine. I would suggest to any 'would-be' k-holers, that they had a sitter alongside them, though physical interaction could cause extreme distress.
When I finally returned to reality (the projection clock ceased to be a blurred image and my pillow was 'pillow-like' again).
I *may* use ketamine again but I think that using a solely dextro-based stimulant contributed to the dissociation and depleted the potential for ethereal-like imagery.
I can't imagine how this will impct potential k-holers but I am *sure* that with nitrous during the onset, my distress would have been lessened.
note - 'death' in a k-hole, IME, isn't overly harrowing - the deaths within this trip were of a completely different nature.
Background: I am a SET and SETTING proponent. I'm bad at accepting that ketamine is addictive because under normal circumstances, I hold back on holing unless my 'control' conditions are met. I have a history of whining at ketamine users whose frequency of use is different to my own.
So, friday night and yes, yes yes, I have the house all to myself.
It was always going to be like this - a family vacation (I passed at the opportunity) meant I'd have three days of freedom and perfect k-holing opportunity.
Things didn't start well. I *always* use nitrous in conjunction with ketamine - it calms me before dosing, it softens the onset and despite nasty, nasty visuals (that seem like it can help in post-hole environments) The postal service didn't play their part and I was forced to 'fly solo' when dosing.
In this circustance, I really strayed from the past 'ketamine admin methodology' approach. Every other time, there'd be two or three german weissbiers in the fridge, one pack of marlboro menthol and one pack of marlboro reds (all for the 'post-hole-glow' phase).
I'd settled for some czech beer, hadn't been able to get to the shop that stocked the menthols and the forementioned nitrous never arrived. . .
Without the preset parameters, I'd been slack in terms of preparing a suitable selection of 'hole-entry-music', also I neglected to clean my room - normally it'd represented a 'sterile-esque' environment.
This was my first time using a dextro-routed stimulant, rather than a dextro/levo combination - I really had no idea how much/little dexedrine was required in comparison to past methylphenidate (i.e. levo not dextro action)trips.
Two weeks experience with dexedrine after 3 months of scripted methylphenidate for ADD(concerta XL, to be exact), had given me the impression that dex. was a really clean, smooth drug. Nowhere near as addictive as ritalin, yet effective, longer lasting and without addiction potential - 'it just aint fun'!
<if you have a tendency to seek effective yet overly pleasurable treatment options as I normally do, dexedrine really worked out well as an alternative to methylphenidate - it has been vastly better for ADD than methylphenidate + little abuse potential IME>
On previous occasions I'd sucked the coating off a 18mg concerta capsule, roughly 15 minutes prior to dosing with ketamine. I broke a 5mg dex tablet in half, broke off roughly 2mg and let it sit, sublingually, until it dissolved. That'd be a equiivalent dose to the methylphenidate, I thought...
Prior to snorting the ketamine, I would normally have inhaled 6-12 whippits of nitrous. I always felt calmer, somewhat *giddy* yet pacified. No nitrous meant that I approached the three lines of ketamine with trepidation - no ' chilled' approach tonight.
I must've been snorting harder than normal - the first line seemed to bond lower down my septum than normal. I adjusted my 'snort speed' and didn't get the same unpleasant feeling....ahhh - the 'toasted marshmallow teacakes' (a once popular confectionary here in the UK).
I pulled my mattress onto the floor, arranged the sheets as necessary. The need to 'get horizontal' was approaching and I didn't realise I'd neglected my normal approach to finding something comfortable to lie down in and hole to. I removed my jeans and t-shirt, the boxers I had on weren't my first choice but time was precious.
I'd picked out 'substitute for love' and 'ray of light' from a madonna album as my entry tracks (normally, the choice involves a thorough rifling through of my CD collection). They didn't fit my normal choices - ideally it'd be an instrumental piece, lyrics dont sit well in the ketamine realm....
When originally posting this report, I believed that I'd skipped past the first track but having listened to a dictaphone recording of the experience, it seems I let both tracks play in their entirity.
The Trip:
It wasn't like the previous times - my ego was dissolved quickly and the audio tracks didn't shadow my 'slow burner' style.
Things got unpleasant quickly, despite a brief OBE-like viewing of the room where I had control of the 'camera' angle and shifting.
Normally, I'd try to expand upon the themes and entities I was introduced to. This time, the pattern seemed to be fastracking towards 'total and utter nothingness'.
The incarnations were dark - I rarely see much in the way of colour early on but the low-level entities I inhabited did little to calm me. I cant remember, chronologically, when the following occured so will list the embodiments:
i. A circular pattern, 'existence' revolving through 360 degrees and encompassing a camera panning on me - sat on a bed, a sort of OBE that put me in the centre of the imagery
ii. Total darkness, no prompting in regards to which pathway to take.
iii. Total and utter lunacy - the vision of hospital staff lingering above me and trying to calm me down
iv. Every atom in existence, under my control, prompting me for guidance
v. A bed, with a 'sea' of medication-like blister packs underneath.
vi. A sudden sense of having a physical presence (i.e. the I think I just breathed...in the real world sense) feeling
vii. The 'standard issue' image of a room, nothing like the room I was in - very disturbing at the time
iix. Death. Total and utter death. Absolute belief that nothing existed, I was isolated in an existence prior to humanity (various version of this presented themselves).
ix. A physical presence yet total and utter failure to acknowledge objects around me - I grabbed at my pillow yet its structure indicated it was nothing more than 'expanded space' - I *think* I was capable of identifying such an item yet the tactile sensatioin suggested it was fake, and that everything around me was fake
x. The burden of forging a universe, whilst having no concept of what would happen.
I could continue but my recollections were too poor to allow me to descibe them. There was a strong sense that throughout several of these incarnations that I had separated myself from the physical realm of all others and would be confined to a mental asylum*
*A long time ago, I had a supposedly failsafe method of recalling reaity - it revolved around naming the capitals of several european cities. During previous trips it succeeded in grounding me but 'existence' itself wasn't apparent now - the fact that I had placed such faith in this, simply served to worry me to a huge degree.
In time, I began to perform such actions as rubbing my hands together - the sensation of having 'touch' helped my restoration to reality. In addition, when I realised that I was able to breathe (why would a dead person breathe?), I moved towards the path of consciousness.
This was by far the most disturbing experience I have had with ketamine. I would suggest to any 'would-be' k-holers, that they had a sitter alongside them, though physical interaction could cause extreme distress.
When I finally returned to reality (the projection clock ceased to be a blurred image and my pillow was 'pillow-like' again).
I *may* use ketamine again but I think that using a solely dextro-based stimulant contributed to the dissociation and depleted the potential for ethereal-like imagery.
I can't imagine how this will impct potential k-holers but I am *sure* that with nitrous during the onset, my distress would have been lessened.
note - 'death' in a k-hole, IME, isn't overly harrowing - the deaths within this trip were of a completely different nature.
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