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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

keeping meth a secret, should I keep going??

J

jetblack86

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 8, 2016
Messages
9
Location
Navajo Reservation
Hey everyone, I wanted to ask how many of u are closet user's?
The reason I ask is because I've been hiding my use of Meth from everyone I love.

I have a son, and a fiance. I'd die if I lost them but I'm just feeling a little rebellious lately.
With meth, I can function in public, do everything a sober person could do. Just upbeat, social and with nothing but positive energy. I'm not stealing or getting deep into it like a majority of people are.
If I stay smart about it, stay happy, everyone else is happy,
Should I guilt less about keeping this habit a secret, especially to my fiance?
Feel free to ask me whatever u want, if u need to know specific details to put yourself in my shoes.
-jet


 
I guess the first question is how much and how often are you using. I did meth and a lot of other drugs and kept it secret until it got out of hand...which I think is inevitable sooner or later.
 
Yes I definitely agree that it'll either eat me up and I'll cave or
I get caught. I have been using everyday for a little over a week now. This is the longest I've gone on a daily basis. And in would say a dub a day, most of the time sharing, matching... Im at the point where I still get high but not jitteery. I think that's why I take a bump (snort) like every..... Idk 4-5 hrs or so, if my bf isn't around then more. I dispose of all evidence once I'm done w it.
 
Hi jetblack86! I think you really need to examine why your are driven to using. Something is very wrong in your life right now and your focus should be to resolve it before you lose control. You have a lot going for you, and a lot to lose should you get caught in the addiction cycle.

As for remaining a closet user, I don't recommend it. Life has taught me (repeatedly) that honesty is best when dealing with loved ones. At this point in time if your fiancé finds out they are going to be concerned and most likely upset, and will probably feel betrayal. If you continue to use and hide it from them for any length of time and they find out, they will feel betrayed, hurt, angry, and wonder what else you have been hiding from them. The relationship may not recover. As you have a child, this may be grounds for losing parental rights to the child. Most everyone will automatically assume you are endangering your child, even if in reality you are not.

Regarding your child, is closet using worth the risk of developing a full blow addiction and having your child have to deal with an addicted parent? The risk is very real that you cannot remain an occasional user, is it truly worth the pain you could potentially inflict upon your child?

I hope I am not sounding harsh as I am not intending to - I am trying to ask provocative questions to get you thinking about the curcumstances and situations should you become an addict. This does not just affect you - there is so much at risk and I don't think you really want to put your family in that situation.

Something is going terribly wrong in your life right now and you need to first identify what is failing, and then come up with an action plan to mitigate it. If you can address and resolve those issues I doubt you will want to be a closet user. Meth is a temporary escape from something you are avoiding and youths need to face it head on. Regardless of how good it feels to use right now it is only a bandaid, and so very temporary. Meth will not feel good indefinately, and eventually you will become a slave to chasing that rush and it will never be the same again. It will never feel as good as it did the first few times you used, and yet the problems you are avoiding will continue to exist and get worse because you are avoiding them. The problems will multiply and snowball especially if you become an addict.

Please really consider your life, family, and the choices you are making. I am not against drugs but I don't think the type of use you are inquiring about is recreational, and depending on a drug to function typically leads to addiction pretty rapidly, and addiction ruins so much in life. Feel free to message me if you have questions or need to vent. I wish you the best - take care of yourself and your family.
 
Meth is pretty difficult to "keep a secret", at least for me it was. Heroin was way easier to integrate into my normal life and remain "functional"...meth was one of those drugs which, if I had it around me, I'd keep doing non-stop until it was all gone. And then, after about 48-72 hours with 0 sleep, I'd pass out into a coma for about a day. :) So most of my week would be spent either being high, or recovering from being high. It was a disaster. That was when I was in my brief smoking phase, though...I preferred snorting. Which, while more manageable and less "fiendish", did end up with me having a couple terrible sinus infections.

Eventually I settled on IVing it. And the less said about that, the better.....

It really depends. I don't know why you use meth, perhaps you are able to integrate it into your life easily. I was a "weekend warrior" with the drug (buy Friday night, use Friday, Saturday & Sunday) and I actually never spent much money at all on the drug, in fact sometimes it was given to me for free, but trust me...it's not a good thing to be "into". There is a big stigma surrounding it (partially justified), and frankly it's too strong of a drug for 95% of people to be using, in my opinion. I just like doing meth because it was a lot of fun, honestly...it was simple as that. To me it was purely recreation. When it stopped being fun I stopped using. If you're using methamphetamine in an attempt to merely function normally, that could be a problem.
 
^well said. And I was thinking you'd say less than you did. Every few hours is a habit that soon turns ugly because it's satisfying a need and then life steps in with circumstances that prevent you from using as needed. I think just the fact that you are questioning it is enough to see that perhaps it's gone beyond what you intended already and while IMO stopping meth and speed was easy detox for me I still have cravings for using and catch my mind resorting to irrational rationalization to pick up again. I agree there is energy and the weight loss is hard to resist but if you can turn things around now before it catches up with you things will get better. Addiction has taken me to hell and back more than once. My use went from once in a while to every day all day and wrecked my teeth and skin and caused hair loss after a short while. PM me if you need to anytime.
 
I most definitely agree with u. I have lived a long life, I may only be 23 but my experiences and journey has been that of at least a 40 year old. I live a very stressful life w or w/o meth. There is no plausible explanation or excuse as to why I continue using it. I wanted something for myself for once, to make people know that I am strong. And really make a change. It has fer the better in a lot of ways, it's the deception that gets me. The risk. I need to pump my breaks.
 
To: Burnt Offerings-Wow. I use it because I get up at 5 am and I'm hecticly busy throughout the day, to come home to clean until around 12am-2am. I have a toddler, and an ignorant, stubborn bunch of in- laws. I use it because I can maintain, get done what I need to get done. I can't drive stoned, and most definitely not drunk. It's almost like a medicine for me, but because of how frowned upon it is, it makes me feel guilty. I don't get violent or black out ( hence alcoholism) that's not nearly as frowned upon meth. There are people out there who are addicted to = to or more life threatening things and its happening right in front of everyone's eyes, yet we are looked down at for our choice of scape?
 
Being strong without drugs takes more courage especially when drugs are a gift so to speak and make the world seem better. It's an illusion that will end when you least expect it. It's not too late for you! Like any habit it needs a healthy switch. Turn your me time into something that will truly better you, not destroy you. The hardest part will be wanting a life without drugs but the sooner you make that decision the easier it will be. I can't even honestly say that my life is worth living without drugs but I'm doing it today. I fear every tomorrow because I know how far I took things and I am lucky to still be alive today even if I am tortured every second of the day. The pull to use is very strong for my DOC and I have plenty of reasons to justify using again and I can't say I'm happy about my life but I am not giving up. Some day will be better. Some day that day could be tomorrow. I used to think the saddest thing in life was that my worst day was still ahead of me until I thought no what if my best day is behind me. That thought plagues me in moments of sobriety but some day I will believe my best day is yet to come and when it does it'll make all these shitty days worth it because I've had some amazing days in my past and if I can surpass joy I've had before then what a grand day that will be! Better than my best high. Some day I will believe. There's help out there and good people if you only ask.
 
maybe it is worth talking to a psychologist to see if you can get to the underlying reasons for your use of meth. not that you are a bad person for doing it, its just the potential risks you are playing with can have disastrous consequences. there are coping strategies that can be learnt through western psychology (dbt/cbt) and even mindfulness migjt be worth a look if it resonates.

that feeling of guilt of lying to your fiance who you have a child with is real. all relationships are based on trust and honesty, once that is breached it can be difficult to get back to where you once were. if you opened up to your fiance about how you are finding it difficult to cope with stress maybe just having that conversation with him could lend some support.

so easy to rationalise drug use especially in early addiction which is a red flag to me. life isnt under our control, once something unexpected happens, and you know what hit is going to take your mind off it, the hole jist gets deeper.

just reading these forums there are a few things in life im aware of, one of them is that meth/heroin are generally uncontrollable drugs especially with your motivations to use.
 
jetblack86 said:
To: Burnt Offerings-Wow. I use it because I get up at 5 am and I'm hecticly busy throughout the day, to come home to clean until around 12am-2am. I have a toddler, and an ignorant, stubborn bunch of in- laws. I use it because I can maintain, get done what I need to get done. I can't drive stoned, and most definitely not drunk. It's almost like a medicine for me, but because of how frowned upon it is, it makes me feel guilty. I don't get violent or black out ( hence alcoholism) that's not nearly as frowned upon meth. There are people out there who are addicted to = to or more life threatening things and its happening right in front of everyone's eyes, yet we are looked down at for our choice of scape?
Click to expand...

Is that REALLY why you use it, though? There are plenty of people out there with schedules just as busy, if not moreso, than yours, and yet they do not use methamphetamine. My workday starts at 5:30 (out on the ocean by 6 AM), and runs sometimes to 9 or 10 in the PM, and I don't use meth. I've known people who've ran trawlers for literally days on end with 30 minutes of sleep / day, and they don't use meth (although they probably should!). Face it...a big part of the reason you like it is because you like how the drug makes you feel. It's OK to admit it...:\

Although I guess admitting that you like being high on crystal meth gives a point of similarity with all the dirty junkies out there who just want to get spun...and we can't see ourselves as being similar to THOSE drug users, can we...;)
 
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jet, you started this thread for a reason and I honestly don't think it was to help you rationalize secretly using meth. Ok, understandable that you like the effects and understandable that right now anyway, it helps you get things done. But in your own mind there is a niggling fear that this is not going to end well, right? I would listen to that fear. You have a lot at stake because it is not just your life (lying to your fiance), it's your kid's life, too. I don't think guilt helps anyone and I hope my words do not deepen that sense in any way. What I hope my words do is support the part of you that started this thread knowing that you were not going to get a bunch of people saying, "Yeah, no problem. You've got this drug under control and it's nobody's business but your own."
 
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