Hey, hope everyone is well. I've been looking up info and reading threads on here forever so i thought it was about time i made an account.
I am a 31 y/o female who's really never had a problem with any substance abuse. I am a true social drinker, maybe 2-3 times a month. Only like to get tipsy if I'm in the right setting. same with weed, if the setting is right I'll smoke. I've tried coke a few times, not for me. that's about it and as hard as I go...or went?
however, big however... i've always LOVED the sht out of percs and oxys. always. which is probably worse than all the other things i mentioned 8)
but i never had access really, i've been rx'd them a few times and rather than taking them for the pain i'd stash them away for rainy days when i was in a horrible mood or very anxious. It was a well controlled love, as in I had a bottle of 30 5mg percs last me a good year +. they always made me vomit but it was worth it if i felt really down. was never concerned about having an issue, would never have bought them off the street, would never try to get illegitimate rx's from drs. i openly joked about liking a recreational pain pill here and there bc it was such a 'non issue' in my mind.
but now, i am playing with fire and it's hard for me to come to terms with. my access to them is now wide open, as i have a friend who has serious back problems and once i found out she was looking for buyers that was kinda that. i also had a coworker confide in me that she loved popping them herself and we kind of bonded over that and she is another go to. so my usage has definitely increased from sporadic to regular. now takes 20mgs to get me chill and relaxed, still fight the urge to vomit and lose often enough.. but I'll do it a few times a week now usually.
I'm on zoloft and xanax for my anxiety disorder, i do not abuse the xanax. takes the edge off quickly enough if i'm very panicky but doesn't relieve my anxiety completely or 'relax' me by any means. .5mg just makes me tired and nap rather than flipping. so yeah, beyond the enjoyment of the 'high' i absolutely self medicate with these things, combined with my newly acquired access I am just rolling with it unfortunately. i know i am playing with fire as i said but it is so hard to pass up on them with they turn my mind off![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
nothing else does, everything else i've experimented with just heightens my anxiety for the most part. for example ...i can have a good time drinking when i'm with people and letting loose, but when i get back in my apartment alone and it's quiet my mood immediately shifts to extremely anxious and depressed. i am almost pissed off that i can't seem to self medicate with less dangerous and addicting substances like all the good people of the world heh.
okay that was a terribly long winded hello, but hello. that's where I am at.
I am a 31 y/o female who's really never had a problem with any substance abuse. I am a true social drinker, maybe 2-3 times a month. Only like to get tipsy if I'm in the right setting. same with weed, if the setting is right I'll smoke. I've tried coke a few times, not for me. that's about it and as hard as I go...or went?
however, big however... i've always LOVED the sht out of percs and oxys. always. which is probably worse than all the other things i mentioned 8)
but i never had access really, i've been rx'd them a few times and rather than taking them for the pain i'd stash them away for rainy days when i was in a horrible mood or very anxious. It was a well controlled love, as in I had a bottle of 30 5mg percs last me a good year +. they always made me vomit but it was worth it if i felt really down. was never concerned about having an issue, would never have bought them off the street, would never try to get illegitimate rx's from drs. i openly joked about liking a recreational pain pill here and there bc it was such a 'non issue' in my mind.
but now, i am playing with fire and it's hard for me to come to terms with. my access to them is now wide open, as i have a friend who has serious back problems and once i found out she was looking for buyers that was kinda that. i also had a coworker confide in me that she loved popping them herself and we kind of bonded over that and she is another go to. so my usage has definitely increased from sporadic to regular. now takes 20mgs to get me chill and relaxed, still fight the urge to vomit and lose often enough.. but I'll do it a few times a week now usually.
I'm on zoloft and xanax for my anxiety disorder, i do not abuse the xanax. takes the edge off quickly enough if i'm very panicky but doesn't relieve my anxiety completely or 'relax' me by any means. .5mg just makes me tired and nap rather than flipping. so yeah, beyond the enjoyment of the 'high' i absolutely self medicate with these things, combined with my newly acquired access I am just rolling with it unfortunately. i know i am playing with fire as i said but it is so hard to pass up on them with they turn my mind off
nothing else does, everything else i've experimented with just heightens my anxiety for the most part. for example ...i can have a good time drinking when i'm with people and letting loose, but when i get back in my apartment alone and it's quiet my mood immediately shifts to extremely anxious and depressed. i am almost pissed off that i can't seem to self medicate with less dangerous and addicting substances like all the good people of the world heh.okay that was a terribly long winded hello, but hello. that's where I am at.
