DylanSins
Bluelighter
Hello BL Buddies,
I previously made a post about me, and how I'm "falling back into old habits" and I finally made the jump: I started IVing again. I can't even begin to describe the guilt, disgust, and frustration; I was literally about to hit 4 years without a needle in my arm. I'm truly disappointed in myself and I'm not sure what to do.
It is truly a fucked situation, on the outside, I look really successful, (not trying to toot my horn) but every time I'm back home (I'm a senior in college, and 3 months out of the year I'm back in my hometown living at my folks' house) I tend to relapse and slam whatever I can get my hands out.
It's a pathetic situation, I'm a senior in college, about to receive a BS, was nominated to present national and local research, designed and run my own department at a large corporation, received several research awards, and I'm currently looking at some very prestigious grad programs—oh and I'm only 22 btw.
I'm really proud of what I've accomplished; yet, I'm constantly setting myself back when I do this shit. I do amazing, productive, and meaningful things when I'm sober but there's this other side of me that loves a rush, the flash, and that instant feeling of euphoria from a fat shot of coke and/or dope.
I'm just lost man, I haven't been to an AA/NA meeting since I was 18, but I think it's time. That being said, and I may have a somewhat pejorative view of the program/people who attend AA/NA (sorry if I offend anyone), but I tend to view the people at NA/AA as people who are not terribly bright, extremely religious, mostly uneducated, and most of the people I've met at meetings work depressing and menial jobs, (e.g., 4/10 people I met were expendable machine operators with very little going for them)
Again, and I can't emphasize this enough, I'm sorry I always ramble when I post, but I just don't know what to do at this point and any advice and/or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!
I previously made a post about me, and how I'm "falling back into old habits" and I finally made the jump: I started IVing again. I can't even begin to describe the guilt, disgust, and frustration; I was literally about to hit 4 years without a needle in my arm. I'm truly disappointed in myself and I'm not sure what to do.
It is truly a fucked situation, on the outside, I look really successful, (not trying to toot my horn) but every time I'm back home (I'm a senior in college, and 3 months out of the year I'm back in my hometown living at my folks' house) I tend to relapse and slam whatever I can get my hands out.
It's a pathetic situation, I'm a senior in college, about to receive a BS, was nominated to present national and local research, designed and run my own department at a large corporation, received several research awards, and I'm currently looking at some very prestigious grad programs—oh and I'm only 22 btw.
I'm really proud of what I've accomplished; yet, I'm constantly setting myself back when I do this shit. I do amazing, productive, and meaningful things when I'm sober but there's this other side of me that loves a rush, the flash, and that instant feeling of euphoria from a fat shot of coke and/or dope.
I'm just lost man, I haven't been to an AA/NA meeting since I was 18, but I think it's time. That being said, and I may have a somewhat pejorative view of the program/people who attend AA/NA (sorry if I offend anyone), but I tend to view the people at NA/AA as people who are not terribly bright, extremely religious, mostly uneducated, and most of the people I've met at meetings work depressing and menial jobs, (e.g., 4/10 people I met were expendable machine operators with very little going for them)
Again, and I can't emphasize this enough, I'm sorry I always ramble when I post, but I just don't know what to do at this point and any advice and/or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!