just me

[henry d]

I'm in a state of disrepair. When I'm buzzed I have great ideas for bettering myself. I plan on implementing them into my everyday schedule, but when the alarm clock rings and my consciousness boots up the last thing on its mind is doing its body's daily morning stretches, running 3 miles, and cooking breakfast. Instead I just get in my car, on my way to work, I smoke a cig, perhaps I glance at the trees rushing by in the new morning light with a fleeting sense of longing, continue on and try to vibe with some music before I begin my day with those pesky customers.
____...been feelin Enigma lately... I wish that I could speak always from a serene state of mind but often times I let external stimuli cloud my judgement, causing rash actions on my behalf. I've been reminding myself always that nothing is more perfect than the present. But, I need to seize the present! I need focus. I need a purpose. I need people! I long to be this creative and expressive individual with a bounce in his step but I must always know that I cannot try to be him. The bounce must use itself. At what point does this become mental masturbation? Please help because I am confused. Do you think there's a point of no return for some of us? So long.

P.S. One thing I've considered is taking some improv classes. I believe that may help me sift through personality defects by smashing my ego and forcing comfort with strangers. I suppose the things inhibiting me from doing stem from both apathy and insecurity. Whatevs. =)

 

[n3ophy7e]

Do you think there's a point of no return for some of us?

Nope, absolutely not. Humans are capable of truly amazing things, even though sometimes we get caught in a rut and it seems almost impossible to pull ourselves out, we are still capable to doing whatever we set our minds to. Are you perhaps placing too much pressure on yourself to change too much too soon? Just start with one small acheivement at a time, and work your way up to the bigger goals. You CAN do this man.

P.S. One thing I've considered is taking some improv classes. I believe that may help me sift through personality defects by smashing my ego and forcing comfort with strangers.

If you think that would help you, then just go for it. I reckon you could benefit greatly from it!

 

[OpiYum]

I believe that you are not near a point of no return. Your post implies hope and vision of what you want. I think that taking improv classes, counseling, or whatever may help.

 

[unsettled]

This reminds me of the Thoreau quote "the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation". I think most people want what you describe in one way or another but it does take effort and it's too easy to get up and just do the bare minimum to get by. I think everything you want is completely attainable, it just takes work. I feel the same way, I'll get a flood of great ideas when I'm a little high, but when I get up it's hard to actually implement them, but it can be done. Don't give up, try the best you can, take baby steps. You do sound like you have vision and if you do it's important for you to follow it. People who really follow their dreams and become their true selves will always be the minority to some extent and will always face much resistance from the world. But follow your vision, it's there for a reason, don't let it get away!