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just found out I have 5 years to live?! so now what!? LEGIT.. I AM LOST!

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
1,297
Location
Looking-Glass Land
OK, so I am going through chemo but still on Suboxone; my Suboxone Dr. had a talk w/ my chemo Dr. and the chemo Dr. told my Suboxone Dr. that I have a life expectancy of 5 years. the Dr. HAS YET TO TELL ME but told my Suboxone Dr. who gave me the message tonight.

The Neuro Surgeon said that he was going to tell me within the next month but was waiting for the right time; this dude is 35 and JUST BECAME MY DR. because my original has left and gone elsewhere; I am at MGH - Mass General Hospital - one of the best hospital in the country! and this is what just happened.

so tonight, as I speak to my Suboxone Dr. about the usual, he drops this news on me and I just sit here in SHOCK! complete and utter SHOCK! yes, things may always change and those 5 years could be 10yrs, who knows. but the life expectancy sure has dropped significantly.

I have a malignant tumor in the left frontal lobe of the brain; I was told its grade 2 and I would live somewhat "regular" life style. this is when I first went through chemo back in 2012; now things have changed and since then the tumor has grown back a bit. it could never be fully removed due to the location however we did not expect this to happen and I NEVER expected to hear I would have such a short life expectancy.

I am sitting here a bit in SHOCK and writing this NOT KNOWING what to do next. yes, I must go through chemo and live my life out.. but what do I do!? what am I supposed to do!? NO, I DO NOT WANT TO BE MISERABLE! NO, I do not want to go back to dope/daily, but who knows, maybe one more shot might put a smile on my face. but seriously, what the fuck am I supposed to say/do next? I told my father (I am 33) but do not want to tell my mother yet because I know it will break her heart; until I know for a fact I will be dropping within those 5 years, I refuse to let her know and hurt her. however, I know she has to eventually find out and work with it and figure things out for herself.

I am not worried about myself for whatever reason right now but maybe I should be?! maybe make a bucket list of things I want to get done before this life comes to an end, right? I really dont know what to do next.

has this happened to anyone before? are you still alive? have others been through similar?

I am in completely and utter SHOCK and also a bit LOST at the same time. but yet I sit here w/ a smile on my face as I type after I just found out death is somewhat around the corner, right? WHATTTT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK! 5 years ago seems like it went by so quick; so 5 years form now I wont be here? huh!? I DONT GET ITTTTTTTTTTT! not only that, but I should sue this Dr. for telling my Suboxone Dr. and NOT ME FIRST! does anyone know if I can SUE THE FUCK OUT OF THIS GUY!? and also any other info about this? my Nuro Surgeon told my Suboxone Dr. about my life expectancy before he told me.
 
i feel you for brother....i was once told i have polycythemia(blood disorder) that i could live 5 yrs even less to live a normal life i say normal 50+ yrs and i was in shock as well but at one point i learned to accept my fate however how many yrs i got left

but at the same time you are entitled to a second opinion....given that your doc is a young buck i would def question it
i did and now im still to this day trying to figure out wtf is going on as i dont have the characteristics of polycythemia and to many test to back it up

but in the end trust me once you accept the fact of your possible fate...things become much clearer .....its scary and no one wants to die at a young age but again once you really accept the fact that the clocks ticking......its like a load of your shoulders

i truly hope things turn around but if not....live life brother....we are all on borrowed time anyway....am i ready to go out ? yeah i am i finally learned im not immortal one day i gotta go just like anyone else
i know i would if i was in that situation

question what exactly are the symptoms? seizures?
ps....cannabis can be your best friend when it comes to cancerous cells....surprise what many people dont want you to know
 
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seizures. usually happen in my sleep.

I am on Keppra and Gabapentin to fight the seizures; I also have the tumor on the left frontal lobe on the brain that cannnot be removed and is cancerous.

mannnn, its just fucking crazy to me but yet I sit here w/ a smile on my face. I almost feel, in a SICK SICK SICK WAY, that a load has been taken off my shoulders. does that make sense? I do not have to worry about the future as much as I once did?! it sounds whacky but its what I have been thinking the past hour or two.

and youre right, he's a young buck, so lets surly get a 2nd opinion on that. I wish I could sue the dude for giving that info out to my Sub Dr. rather than ME for the first time.
 
Wow I would be in shock too. I remember before when you had spoken about the tumor and I thought they got it all. I am so sorry, BBT. I'm not sure if what your doctor did was illegal, unethical maybe but lots of them think they're Gods.

I have not been through cancer (knocks wood) but it took my mother. A year ago, I thought I was a death's door from the hep c. Bought an expensive life insurance policy because I didn't want to burden my family. Now I'm in my fifth month of treatment and praying it clears. I'm not young either, I'm 52. My situation doesn't compare to yours though.

You have to remain hopeful for a cure. When do you have to go back on chemo? Try not to go back to heroin. I know that's easy for me to say. but keep that smile on your face and maintain that PMA! (positive mental attitude) That's how I put it to my friends. I feel like every day I'm here on Earth is a gift. I'm here for you if you want to talk, just a pm away. (((hugs))) <3
 
stick with treatment i would honestly add in cannabis
i know its hard o process i am prone to anxiety and i was having panic attacks back to back really really?....wtf are you supposed to feel?

and yeah it was a load off my shoulders seems absurd....to act like its nothing but in reality you know wtf is going on and its not a big mystery
honestly rather get bad news and proof instead of a well yeah youre sick but we dont know why ....which happen to me going back and fourth for almost a yr already

as time passes youll see what im talking about it
even if im not sick as they said i am i did more within a yr than any other time
 
I don't know exactly what you're going through, but I probably have a better idea than some people. I have a disease too, also shortens my life expectancy by a good 10 years and shortens my quality of life expectancy for a great deal more than that. In some ways I feel fortunate about how I found out, I found out when I was 20, I was going through a very hard time in my life that ultimately culminated in me trying to kill myself before finally getting better. But point is, when I got the news, I actually didn't care. I was so resigned to my life being over, that I didn't even care when I got the news. So there was never really a moment where it shocked me like it would most people, people who want to live when they get that kind of news.

Eventually after my suicide attempt I was treated for depression and got a lot better. And by then id already processed it. Theres no right way to handle this kind of news. Personally, while I wouldn't say I've had a happy life, I am glad I've lived it an experienced a lot more than most people my age. Getting this kind of news will change you, it will make you appreciate what you have more. If there's any silver lining. Its that now you know to appreciate your life unlike all those regular people who may not appreciate what they had till they're dead.

I'm sorry for what you're dealing with, it's truly horrible news. Personally I wouldn't sue, do you really want to deal with that in the time you have? It's up to you of course. Like I said, there's no right way to handle this, you do the best you can with the time you have.

If you ever wanna talk feel free to pm me. Good luck.
 
BostonBrownTown said:
OK, so I am going through chemo but still on Suboxone; my Suboxone Dr. had a talk w/ my chemo Dr. and the chemo Dr. told my Suboxone Dr. that I have a life expectancy of 5 years. the Dr. HAS YET TO TELL ME but told my Suboxone Dr. who gave me the message tonight.

The Neuro Surgeon said that he was going to tell me within the next month but was waiting for the right time; this dude is 35 and JUST BECAME MY DR. because my original has left and gone elsewhere; I am at MGH - Mass General Hospital - one of the best hospital in the country! and this is what just happened.

so tonight, as I speak to my Suboxone Dr. about the usual, he drops this news on me and I just sit here in SHOCK! complete and utter SHOCK! yes, things may always change and those 5 years could be 10yrs, who knows. but the life expectancy sure has dropped significantly.

I have a malignant tumor in the left frontal lobe of the brain; I was told its grade 2 and I would live somewhat "regular" life style. this is when I first went through chemo back in 2012; now things have changed and since then the tumor has grown back a bit. it could never be fully removed due to the location however we did not expect this to happen and I NEVER expected to hear I would have such a short life expectancy.

I am sitting here a bit in SHOCK and writing this NOT KNOWING what to do next. yes, I must go through chemo and live my life out.. but what do I do!? what am I supposed to do!? NO, I DO NOT WANT TO BE MISERABLE! NO, I do not want to go back to dope/daily, but who knows, maybe one more shot might put a smile on my face. but seriously, what the fuck am I supposed to say/do next? I told my father (I am 33) but do not want to tell my mother yet because I know it will break her heart; until I know for a fact I will be dropping within those 5 years, I refuse to let her know and hurt her. however, I know she has to eventually find out and work with it and figure things out for herself.

I am not worried about myself for whatever reason right now but maybe I should be?! maybe make a bucket list of things I want to get done before this life comes to an end, right? I really dont know what to do next.

has this happened to anyone before? are you still alive? have others been through similar?

I am in completely and utter SHOCK and also a bit LOST at the same time. but yet I sit here w/ a smile on my face as I type after I just found out death is somewhat around the corner, right? WHATTTT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK! 5 years ago seems like it went by so quick; so 5 years form now I wont be here? huh!? I DONT GET ITTTTTTTTTTT! not only that, but I should sue this Dr. for telling my Suboxone Dr. and NOT ME FIRST! does anyone know if I can SUE THE FUCK OUT OF THIS GUY!? and also any other info about this? my Nuro Surgeon told my Suboxone Dr. about my life expectancy before he told me.
Click to expand...

i wish i could take your place brother, ex-soldier here and i hate myself every day for it. 5 years ontop of an already lived life is still a lot longer than a lot of the kids i gunned down had. just do whatever you want, what you should have always been doing, i could die in less time than that. its all perspective man.
 
Always someone worse off than yourself? Fuck that shit there's plenty of support and sympathy to go around, if you want some start your own thread but don't come here and undermine the OP's.
 
I would not put so much faith in this mans opinion. I would certainly explore cannabis related treatments for this and certainly take up CBD consumption supplementally with your current approach.

So sorry to hear this news BBT, but nothing is set in stone.
 
Thats what you read outta that? shit, you got some issues man. im saying death is a part of life, and people die every day of anything. i wish i could take his cancer and die of it for him. Because i know death is coming for all of it, and sympathy and hugs can be fine. but ultimately, an understanding as to the inevitability of death is healthier for the mind.
 
Hey BBT I've told ya before that you have a strength to be admired. You have fought relapses and came through. Glad you talked to your dad, I think when you are ready, you will talk to your mom. With medicine the way it is today, hopefully the advancements will be to your benefit. Your posts have always been inspirational to me, so now I will try to be for you. I know you won't be feeling great, but let us know how you are doing, I'm sending good vibes your way, fondly, bono
 
I feel ya man. Although I don't have that sort of prognosis, I do have a severe illness, so I know what it's like to be sick all the time & never feel "well". That was actually a considerable part of why I started using heroin...just felt like crap all the time and had no hope for my future. Doctors have often acted in very inappropriate ways towards me too. Some medical professionals are great, admirable people who are in the profession for the right reasons, but there's a lot of arrogant assholes out there too.

My own view on it is that, if there is any hope whatsoever, I'd fight the hell out of cancer. Cancer runs in my family and both my grandfathers had it (one succumbed to it, the other beat it)...I'm sure that there's an oncology ward somewhere in my future. I've met people my own age (20's) who've had and/or beat cancer and I admire the hell out of those people. I'd definitely look into cannabinoid-related therapies as an add on to chemotherapy as NSA suggested.
 
koalabear135 said:
Thats what you read outta that? shit, you got some issues man. im saying death is a part of life, and people die every day of anything. i wish i could take his cancer and die of it for him. Because i know death is coming for all of it, and sympathy and hugs can be fine. but ultimately, an understanding as to the inevitability of death is healthier for the mind.
Click to expand...

I was talking about putting much faith in the Dr who projected only five years and was not referring to you koalabear.
 
man, the killer is I FEEL JUST FINE! which is why I was so shocked to hear that info. yes, I am going through my 2nd stage of chemo; it is "supposed" to be a bit more harsh but so far its been going. realize, I've been through dope withdrawal, benzo withdrawal and drug problems for years, so what they consider harsh chemo is really nothing compared to what most of us been through, lol.

today is day 2 and I spent the day over the parents house and talking w/ the EX. she wants to come visit; she feels foo me. but yet, I STILL DONT FEEL FOR MYSELF!? make sense? I WILL BE DEAD IN 5 YEARS (maybe) - but yet it does nothing w/ my feelings. I just... well, NOTHING! as if there was no change and everything will go as planned. but remember, I never planned to live a FULL LIFE! I always knew it would be cut short; esp. when I found out about the brain tumor in 2012. but I was expecting mid 50's - mid 60's. so we are talking 25-30yrs form now. but its been cut significantly. so its a bit of a shocker but I just dont know how to handle it or even if am even "handling" it at all right now.

tomorrow I go in for my 2nd round shot/pill for this chemo cycle - its a 6 week cycle and I will bring it up w the nurse known since this all started. I'd like to see what she has to say because I assume she has this information and was well aware, right? but what kills me is last time I've seen her I asked her what her thoughts were on this cycle and how I would be feeling. she says to me "all will be great; you can still work full time and no worries". if this woman knows I am dying in 5 years (maybe) and going through chemo cycle, why the fuck do you say that? again, I am at MGH - one of the best hospital in the country - and I am getting this information and people acting a different wael they should considering what I just heard. is dead in 5 years no big deal and they feel why mention it to the patient? as if I just want to go about my life normal as can be and not change a thing? lol.

I dont know, man. just ate a xanny and now smoking a bowl to relax a bit, lol. legit, I am blown away but yet feel calm as can be. just not sure how to handle or what to do yet.
 
wow man,that's some heavy stuff!

I think maybe the reason why you feel just fine is that you're still in shock.
it might take a while to get used to the new feeling about your life.
I feel like they';re making enormous progress in medicine though,not that long ago
they couldn't treat it at all.
it's right what that poster said ,it's all about perspective.

I'm betting life feels intense right now,it's full of brand new feelings!
Even if you don't beat it,live your life to the max,maybe travel,do good things for other people,and yeah,
probably tell your mom about stuff in a gentle way.

wishing you all the best from the West Coast and keep us updated through all this.

EDIT:feel free to pm me ,you might need more support
 
I recently had a CT scan of my lungs after coughing up a fair amount of blood for 3 days. I am also a 22 year veteran cigarette smoker. The first scan found a lump on my lungs, and the pulmonologist said lung cancer could not be excluded and that he would do another CT scan in 2 months. This was in November. I immediately knew that, although they could do surgery on it if they wanted, I would be refusing chemotherapy and radiation as, as I understood the condition, they didn't really cure anybody and instead just seemed to make them sick beyond belief in their dying days. Instead, I planned to stay at home as much as possible and request a generous IV drip of morphine. Can you blame me? As it turned out, the lump went away as determined by the 2nd CT scan two months later. So basically, I don't know what to tell you other than to do what feels right to you. Five years on this Earth is a virtual blink of an eye, but so is a 70 year long typical lifespan for that matter. You know:

Merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream.
 
spoke w/ the Dr. today and he said he DID NOT SAY 5yrs. he said the Suboxone Dr. kept pushing and pushing and all together he felt the Suboxone Dr. did not fully understand what was being spoken about; of course, one is a Neurologist and the other studies different medicine, so I can see where mistakes MAY HAPPEN! but damn it was scary.

at the same time, the Dr (Neurologist) told me there is no guarantee on life expectancy. he couldnt give me a number regardless; whether it be 1 year or 20 years, he truly dont know. he said right now he sees nothing in the near future but with what is happening there is no guarantees. so yes, it was better news than what the dickhead the other day said, but there is no guarantee on life, but that is anyones life, not just mine. I Just happen to be going through this 2nd round chemo and the stage is now 3 on the tumor rather than 2.

shit happens to us all; life is not always "easy" for some of us - but someone always has it worse, so I cant let this get to me.
 
Life limiting illnesses are devastating, I'm happy for you that the news seems to be more positive. Stay comfortable, do what makes you happy. Enjoy every moment you have.

My fiance is dying from neuro issues, including hemorrhagic stroke and a brain tumor. Love survives everything.

Love and light (hug)
 
what stage of the brain tumor and type? if you dont mind me asking.

the tumor in my life frontal lobe is malignant and has begun to hit me heavier as the years pass. at first the memory/speech was not touched but as the years go on I start to realize I do not have a great short term memory and I tend to stutter when it comes to using random words/phrases that are pretty damn common but nowadays ill seriously FORGET the most random shit, man. just a word that was spoken daily for years and years ill completely lose it. all depends on situation as well but is happening more and more, which is why my career in software sales began to sink along w/ the health.

I saw all this stuff as if its nothing and it somehow does not bother me; its been damn near 4 years and I feel it has yet to TRULY HIT ME what is happening to me and what WILL happen to me. I am 33 and my health is surly hurting; I look fine, seem fine, act fine, but according to the reports I have MAY PROBLEMS and people always seem to be amazed when I tell them what I am going through; addiction being a very small party in the health problems.
 
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