kanyeknievel
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2010
- Messages
- 535
So I've been on suboxone for 15 days now and I have to say this stuff is a miracle and a lifesaver for me. Everyday I feel better than the day before, I've had no cravings or want to do any heroin or any drugs at all and I've had many oppourtunites to go to parties or whatever and I've passed on them. My dad has been there for me to help me get the help I need and knows of all m drug use and helped me get on suboxone.
But today, just about 15 minutes ago I encountered, what I feel was a test sent from god (or some higher power), to test my strength and willpower to stay clean and take this recovery seriously. In the past couple I've had people ask me if I wanted any, and one was willing to give me bags to pay me back a debt he owes, and I declined. Wasn't hard at all, especially when its just over the phone.
But today this is what happened. I arrived home and i turned into my parking spot a little quickly and my ipod flew over to my passenger side seat underneath it. I go over there and start looking for it, and then I saw something that shocked me and I'm still a little shocked and just wowed over it. I looked and I saw two stamp bags, just laying right there. I picked them up and then just held them looking at them... I was in shock and speechless. At that moment in my head I had decisions, to get rid of it or to not say anything and use it. It took me about 30 seconds and the want to get ride of them and be strong overwhelmed my want to use them and get high. I made the decision and I got out of my car with the bags and told my dad and showed him what I found.
He asked, this has heroin in it? And i explained to him thats what it comes in and theres powder and I told him 'here, get ride of these'. He opened one just out of curiousty outside and just opened it and it just flew away and he said 'okay dont worry Ill get rid of them' and gave me a hug.
This is I think a major test in my recovery right now, to see if I really had the strength and willpower to stick to my goals and my recovery. Still right now Im thinking about the whole situation and just still slighty shocked and just... wow. Coincidence or fate, either way it was the biggest test I've had in my early stages of recovery.
I feel strong for doing this, but im just really kind of shocked still about it. Sort of a scary type of feeling. The realization of how strong of a decision that was hasn't hit me yet, i dont know why. But i'm sure when I see my therapist on sunday she will tell me and convince me of how amazingly strong I am for doing this
I just wanted to share this to everyone thats trying to recover or still recovering. You have the power to end your addiction and you can do it, you just need to have the strength to do what I did in this situation, its possible. You can look at this as hope for yourself to get better, or as inspiration to be strong. But I just wanted to share this test I've just endured and passed
But today, just about 15 minutes ago I encountered, what I feel was a test sent from god (or some higher power), to test my strength and willpower to stay clean and take this recovery seriously. In the past couple I've had people ask me if I wanted any, and one was willing to give me bags to pay me back a debt he owes, and I declined. Wasn't hard at all, especially when its just over the phone.
But today this is what happened. I arrived home and i turned into my parking spot a little quickly and my ipod flew over to my passenger side seat underneath it. I go over there and start looking for it, and then I saw something that shocked me and I'm still a little shocked and just wowed over it. I looked and I saw two stamp bags, just laying right there. I picked them up and then just held them looking at them... I was in shock and speechless. At that moment in my head I had decisions, to get rid of it or to not say anything and use it. It took me about 30 seconds and the want to get ride of them and be strong overwhelmed my want to use them and get high. I made the decision and I got out of my car with the bags and told my dad and showed him what I found.
He asked, this has heroin in it? And i explained to him thats what it comes in and theres powder and I told him 'here, get ride of these'. He opened one just out of curiousty outside and just opened it and it just flew away and he said 'okay dont worry Ill get rid of them' and gave me a hug.
This is I think a major test in my recovery right now, to see if I really had the strength and willpower to stick to my goals and my recovery. Still right now Im thinking about the whole situation and just still slighty shocked and just... wow. Coincidence or fate, either way it was the biggest test I've had in my early stages of recovery.
I feel strong for doing this, but im just really kind of shocked still about it. Sort of a scary type of feeling. The realization of how strong of a decision that was hasn't hit me yet, i dont know why. But i'm sure when I see my therapist on sunday she will tell me and convince me of how amazingly strong I am for doing this
I just wanted to share this to everyone thats trying to recover or still recovering. You have the power to end your addiction and you can do it, you just need to have the strength to do what I did in this situation, its possible. You can look at this as hope for yourself to get better, or as inspiration to be strong. But I just wanted to share this test I've just endured and passed
